I must start by telling you, and emphasizing that this in which you are about to read, is an opinion piece. It is quite alright if you disagree, and I fully anticipate I am going to gain some admiration, as well as piss a few of you off. Just breathe and hear me out.
I used to tell you, and even blogged about kids being a personal deal-breaker of mine… but I have slightly changed my viewpoint on the matter. I think if you are someone (male or female) that wants kids of your own one day.. kids are NOT a deal-breaker. Allow me to explain..
Those of us who want kids someday, yet claim kids to be a deal-breaker, don’t realize that it’s really something else that’s the deal-breaker. (Baby Mama Drama, the guy knocked the mom up and left, not having a social life because of 100% parent duty, etc.)
I have decided that IF YOU ARE A PARENT, YOU SHOULD NOT LIST ON YOUR ONLINE DATING PROFILE THAT YOU HAVE KIDS. Again.. hear me out.
1) If someone approaches you at a bar, or while you’re out at some social event and you’re flirting and having a good time, you don’t bring up that you have kids. You don’t hear people telling strangers on the street that they have children. Why should online be any different?
2) If you feel obligated to tell me that you have kids, I feel obligated to tell you that I don’t know if I see myself in a long-term relationship with someone with kids. Why the fuck are we talking about long-term in a first online dating message?! Let’s be honest.. we may not get past, or even TO date one.
3) I don’t feel it’s necessary to bring up offspring until date 3, at the earliest. You need to hook the girl first, and then break the news. She might be shocked, it might take her a couple days.. but if she’s truly into you.. she’ll get over it. (Same goes for divorce.. don’t need to know.)
And really – no one should be meeting each other’s kids until things are exclusive and serious… ruling out “I don’t want to fall in love with your kid and then never get to see them again.”
So – why the change in heart? Because my dear friend, #31, is back on the market. He is a catch, and he continuously immediately gets turned down because he has fathered a child. To those females out there that “don’t want kids in their life right now”: Are you telling me if your absolute dream guy came along, and was amazing and perfect (I know.. they don’t exist.. but humor me) and wanted to give you the world.. you would turn him away if you found out he had a kid, even if it meant you were going to end up alone with cats, or settling? Are you also ruling out new gal pals because they have kids?
Therefore, my recommendation is: The fact that you have kids does not belong on your online dating profile. Remove it if it’s on there. Dating has to start casual – although I have seen some dudes online try to immediately jump to long-term relationships – and unless things are going to get serious (which you won’t know right away) kids don’t need to be a part of dating.
Alright.. get mad and comment.. I’m waiting. =)