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Are Men Complimented Enough?

13 Apr

Last week on the podcast, I briefly mentioned this article that I had found on my Facebook news feed.   I ask that you read it as homework for our follow up podcast on the matter.

If you are lazy – I shall summarize:  This is seemingly written by a man, who claims that guys don’t have it as easy as us gals think.  Imagine a world where you are never gawked at, complimented, etc. when the media tells you that you are ugly.  Apparently, that’s the experience of life for the man-folk.

The article also suggests “Tell a moderately attractive man that he’s attractive tomorrow in whatever way feels appropriate to you. It’s likely it’ll be the first time he’s heard it from a woman with whom he’s not in a relationship in a long while, possibly ever.”

I don’t want to tell you my thoughts on this article, because on Wednesday night (10PM Eastern, 9PM Central) we will be discussing this on the podcast. But –  I want to hear your thoughts in the comments!

Additionally, LADIES..  Regardless of your thoughts on this article,  I’d ask a favor that you do as the article suggests at least once, and let me know how it went.   I have done so since the last podcast at least once a day, and will continue to do so until Wednesday.  (Oh, and are there ever some fun stories already with that experiment..)

Sometimes You Need to Fight Fire With Fire

16 Mar

I apologize that this is a long one, (That’s what he said.)   but after reading it aloud to some friends,  I am convinced it needs to be shared.  I am not normally in the market to mess with people..  but, sometimes you need to fight crazy with crazier… You’ll see:

“Hi there beautiful blue eyed girl xoxo :) I really would LOVE to get to know you!  You’re super cute and you seem very nice, smart and friendly as well :) So tell me, what exactly are you looking for on this website?”

Now,  I normally don’t respond to something that could have easily been copied and pasted..  and for the record, I didn’t really find this guy attractive, but I am trying to be a little more lenient on the matter, because online dating is a tough world out there..

“New friends to start, and if a relationship develops, then great.”

“I’m pretty much looking for the same thing as you are :)  That’s why I want you to know that I’m actually a very trustworthy/decent/respectful/sweet guy :) (Guys – for the zillionth time, if you have to tell someone you are these things.. you’re not.)  So you wouldn’t need to worry about me ever cheating on you or even having dull moments with me if you were to give me the amazing chance to start dating you :)  I’m sure we could learn tons from each other over time.  And I’m sorry if I’m coming on too strong with this message.  (Ya think!?) It’s just that this is only way that I have to communicate with girls and express my true feelings toward them.  Like I’m super shy (Wait.. what?) so I never approach/strike up conversations with any girl in public/social settings. So that’s why my life has always sucked in the love department. Like I literally lost my virginity when I was 25 and it was to my ex. And she was the one who hit on me so I basically just got lucky. (Pun intended?) This is also the reason why I allowed her to yell at me, belittle me and treat me like crap while she and I were together.  I just didn’t want to risk losing the whole girlfriend experience which was amazing! But anyways, I also want you to know that I do believe that if you and I started texting, that you will like me a lot more because I’m actually a very nice/friendly/funny guy. You would have to take a little bit of a leap of faith in me (understatement.) and trust that I’m actually someone worth spending your time getting to know better :)  So tell me, beautiful girl, how long have you been single/using this website for? xoxo :)

I elected not to respond to this, which I hope are for obvious reasons.   24 hours later, he wrote again:

“I personally have been single for 15 months now after having a bad break up with my ex on January, 2013. She was the one who hit on me so I was able to date her from January 2012 until January 2013 when I lived in [Omitted.]  I even asked her to marry me but she declined because she wanted a guy with a house, a car and a job.  So my ex didn’t like the fact that I was not financially independent but I kept telling her hat I could work after we got married because I would automatically become a US citizen (That is not how that works, pal.) but she didn’t want to take a risk with me and I ended up coming back to my home country in January of 2013.  6 months later I moved to [State Omitted] but as it turns out I didn’t like it over in [State Omitted] so that’s why I came back to [State Omitted] again a couple months ago.So right now I just wish I could find a gorgeous girl as attractive and sexy as yourself that would steal my heart and create new and wonderful experiences with me in the near future :) xoxo :) In other words, (Oh Buddy.. no other words are necessary..) I’m looking for a girl I can date and spend a lot of quality time with but if you’re just interested in being friends with me that would work for me too since I don’t know anyone here at the moment  :)”

Once again, for what I hope are obvious reasons, I did not respond to this.  (In fact, I didn’t even read it until later.)  The next day,  I got another message, more ridiculous than the last:

“I feel the need to come clean about something though :)  I want you to know that I would really love to date you!  You are by far the cutest blue eyed girl I have ever seen in my entire life and I’m sure you believe me because you’ve looked at yourself in the mirror countless of times :) xoxo You’re so cute that I would love to have a monogamous relationship with you! (Lucky me?)  Even though I’ve only had one girlfriend in my entire life, I still prefer monogamy all the way :)  Specially if I’m with a blue eyed girl as gorgeous looking, smart, social and honest as yourself :) And don’t worry about me being too inexperienced in the love department because I can honestly tell you that I would genuinely love to be in between your legs 24/7, eating you out, smelling you, licking you and drinking all your girly juice!  (*shudders* He makes it sound so romantic..) That’s how attractive you really are!  I would even go as far (wait for it..) as to stick my tongue in your butt hole and lick it hardcore too :)  As you can tell I’m a horn ball hehe :) Since I haven’t had much sex in my life due to my social shyness/anxiety (again.. what?) I am always in desperate need to have some girly private parts in my mouth :) Obviously if you gave me the chance to eat yours, you’d be extremely satisfied with my job because I’ll pretty much make a home in your private areas!  By the way, just because I said on my profile that I was shy when approaching/striking up conversations with girls, doesn’t mean that I’m shy in bed.  If anything, I’m actually an “extraordinarily amazing lover” because I’m in such a desperate need to taste and drink lots of girly juice. So when I’m finally able to get some, I’ll go for it with tremendous amounts of PASSION AND LUST!!!! :)  In other words, (again.. not necessary..) you’re actually going to LOOOOOOOVE having me in between your legs, smelling you, eating you out and licking your butt hole all at the same time xoxo :) So what do you say? Would you like to be my girlfriend? xoxo :)”

This pretty much rendered me speechless..  but, it was time to respond, and get him to stop messaging me.

“I don’t want to be just your girlfriend.  Let’s get married.”

“Hahahaha :) You’re too funny! But let’s do it :)  I would certainly get married to a girl as pretty as yourself :)  There’s no better way of waking up every day than having a gorgeous girl by your side every morning :)  So if you’re down for it, I am too hehe :)  I still believe we should get to know each other and hang out in real life first before we make any further decisions/plans xoxo :)”

“I don’t think that’s necessary.  I talked to my pastor and he can marry us tomorrow before church.”

“Are you serious?  Why would you want to marry someone you don’t even know?”  (Really, dude?)

“Of course I’m serious.  If you are serious about licking my butt hole, I need it to be okay with Jesus.  And that’s if we get married.   I booked us for 9AM.”

“Sorry but I’m not marrying you tomorrow.  I need to hang out with you first and see if you and I get along pretty well.  I’m definitely OK with licking your butt hole and eating your female privates, but I’m just not OK with marrying someone I haven’t even met in real life”   (What?  No xoxo?)

“You are weird.”

I gave him a little while before writing again:

“I just talked to Pastor.  He wants to meet you first anyway.  So we should go to church at 11AM, and he said if all goes well, he can marry us at 2PM.  Does that work for you?”

“The only reason why I’d like to give you oral pleasure aside form the fact that you’re pretty is because I’m very lonely, horny, depressed and miserable all the time.  (Aha!  Truth comes out..) So it would be completely wrong for you to assume that I’m some kind of perve.  I’m just sexually frustrated/starved that’s all.  Just to give you an example of how pathetic my love life really is, I went to the mall last weekend and it made me extremely sad noticing how many beautiful girls were holding hands with guys that looked pretty young and imature for them.  I honestly don’t know why there is not a single girl out there willing to date me!  (..I have some ideas..)  It really sucks and this is the very reason why I’m so sexually frustrated.  I also have this washed up roommate who is a total druggy/alcoholic douchebag that still manages to bring 3 different girls to his room at least twice a week each.  Meanwhile, I find the need to use these stupid websites that are really worthless because I really haven’t met anyone in real life from here yet.  So I have no clue why life has to be so freaking unfair. :(“

“I found a GORGEOUS dress!!!!!!!  So does church at 11AM work for you tomorrow and then if you like me, you can see the dress at 2?”

I think I broke him at that point..  I didn’t hear back.  So.. a few hours later:

“Pastor wants to know if you’re coming tomorrow?”

“No.”

“That’s really mean!!!!!  I spent all day preparing for tomorrow, and now you’re bailing!?”

“I said I wanted to meet you and hang out with you way before getting married to you”

“Pretty sure I have a screen shot that says otherwise.”

“You’re literally insane.”

“I think YOU’RE insane for wanting pre-martial butt lickage.”

He hasn’t responded, and I have no intent to bother him anymore.  But, hopefully this just helps prove my theory that nothing ever good (aside from blog-hilarity, of course) comes from sending or responding to a form letter.

 

“Don’t Take Life Soo Serious.”

8 Mar

If you’ve ever read me before – you understand that I certainly take this whole online dating thing with a grain of salt, and I do actually have a sense of humor about the whole thing.   He didn’t read me that way..  so, in an effort to “Not take life soo serious,”   I am posting this interaction, so we can all have a good laugh.   (I’m sure he’ll understand..)

“I have a crazy big cock …pets hook up”

“Pets not.”

“Lol I mean I have a big cicken and I need him to hook up”

“I don’t know what a cicken is.. But again, I’ll pass.”

“Chicken**”

“Rooster aka a cock  ….what do you live in a cave?”

“I prefer a cave to the barn you’re living in.”     (Part of me did want to tell him that I live in the Bat Cave… but.. he wasn’t cool enough to know that.)

“Jees calm down pussy cat I’m just Fucking around”

“Were you raised to talk to complete strangers like that?”   (Honestly, this wasn’t me being upset.. this was a legit question.  I’m sure has a mother.)

“Omg you clearly have no sense of humor …Dude don’t take life soo serious …life’s too short”

“Life’s too short, so I should enjoy your big cock?”  (Just curious..)

“Lol no I was just playing around..”

I’d be interested to hear if he gets any positive responses from his clearly hilarious opening line.  As always, I’d suggest knowing a little bit more about your audience before pulling out humor such as this.

 

 

 

 

Rock Hudson

1 Feb

I came across a profile today that made me laugh a little louder than most profiles do:

I spend a lot of time thinking about:

Why do people have to be so dam judgemental about everthig just cause i dont look like rock hudson dont mean i wouldnt be an awesome guy all you ladies that think that way can scuk it

I can feel it deep in my soul that this man is definitely not bitter.    But I do have a question… When was the last time Rock Hudson was relevant?  The only reason why I even know the name is because I love me some “Grease” and one of the songs references him.  (“Even Rock Hudson lost his heart to Doris Day-ay-ay.”)

If you aren’t sold on this guy yet – let me be the first to tell you that he is really good at crocheting hats and scarves.

Oh!  And “You should message me if:”

You like a kind caring loving man who likes sex to much and will treat you with the utmost respect and write poems about you

Maybe I should see what kind of poem he comes up with about me..  or maybe I’ll just “scuk it.”

Groupons and Dating

20 Jan

Honestly, I hope a heated debate occurs in the comments on this question that I have.   (I have a feeling that at least some girls will have an issue with my stance on this..)

I have been asked over and over –   “Is it okay to use a Groupon on a first date?”   The topic has been brought up on my podcast a few times, and we can never come up with an answer that satisfies both @A_Dude79 and myself.   So –  I bring this question to you, loyal fans.  – And let’s make it “When is it okay to use a Groupon when you’re dating?”

As previously mentioned,   @A_Dude79 and I are split on the matter.   He says absolutely no way on a Groupon until a couple has slept together.    I’m a bit more lenient on the matter.

@A_Dude79 thinks that the first date is about making an impression, and paying for the date in full, without a coupon/groupon, shows that he is able to provide for the woman.   He argues that most Groupons you need to have printed out, or pull up on your phone – and that’s tacky.  (However,  he thinks if you can use a Groupon without having to present it, it’s fair game..  *Eyeroll.*  ..Men..)

I think a Groupon is just fine.  I would much rather be offered a fun activity that was purchased through Groupon than a boring coffee or dinner date any day of the week.  They often have really fun activities to try out at a discount.   We are also in a time of economic hardship –   I feel there is nothing wrong with saving some money.     And – if a girl is not okay with you saving a few dollars – do you want to be dating her anyway?   (I’ll throw in there that in a Soon2BeCatLady perfect world,  I would know about the Groupon before the date.)

So, interwebs  - Let’s vote, and (respectfully) duke it out in the comments.   I’m closing the poll after one week, so make sure to voice your opinion!

Be Aggressive in Dating!!

13 Jan

If you aren’t tuning into my weekly podcast,  you are missing out.   Last week we discussed being aggressive in dating, and I wanted to re-cap as well as add a thought or two.

My sexy beast of a co-host, @A_Dude79, brought up that he read an article that suggests to males that instead of beating around the bush and asking a girl if she’d like to get coffee,  BE AGGRESSIVE and tell the girl you’d like to take her out on a date.   If she says yes, then there is no question whatsoever that it’s a date.   If she says no, then you’ve saved yourself some money.  At the very least everyone is on the same page.

I agree with this entirely.  Being aggressive shows that you know what you want, and you aren’t afraid to take a risk to get it.  It’s just manly to tell a girl you’d like to take her out on a date.   And –  most girls want to date a man.  – I know I do.

We discussed on the podcast that “Let’s get coffee sometime”  can be taken a number of different ways.   Now –  let me tell you this:   Most girls know that this means a date.  We just play stupid.  If we’re not interested in dating you, we’re likely to go to coffee anyway and make it a friend-date. (And I know how much you guys hate the friend-zone..)   You are more likely to get a straight answer on if a girl is interested in you if you are aggressive.

I digitally bumped into an old acquaintance of mine,  and sent a “hello” message over because I had already clicked his page.   (Because I remember everything and everyone, I assume everyone else does as well.)  We’ve chatted back and forth, but I have absolutely no interest in dating him.  He thinks it’d be fun to get coffee and catch up.

Will I go?  Sure.

Do think it’s a date?  No.

Does he think it’s a date?   Probably.

Would I have said yes had he asked me out on a date?   No.  (Fun fact:  I am 99% sure that he doesn’t even remember my first name.)

So why would I go to coffee then?   Because coffee is casual and I like people.  Also, because I can’t guarantee he thinks it’s a date, maybe he does just want to catch up.   And, who knows –  even though I doubt it, there could be chemistry?

Guys- just be more forward with your intentions, and consider rejection as money and time saved.   Try it out and comment or tweet to me with how it went.   I have a feeling we will all be pleasantly surprised.

 

VIP: Very Important Poll

10 Oct

Tonight,  @A_Dude79 gave some tips on “How to Win Guys Over” (in response to my “How to Win Girls Over”) on our podcast.   He had some excellent reminders for us girls, and I’d strongly suggest you take a listen. (The Podcast)

However,  one of his suggestions seemed a little off to me.   Keeping in mind that these tips are for people who have been on a few dates, he said “Be yourself.”   I countered that most people are on their best behavior at the beginning of a relationship.   He believes that people are only on their best behavior for the first few dates.  I believe that people are on their best behavior for much longer, maybe even so much as 6 months to a year.

We need you to help settle the score-  and A_Dude79 will share the results with he podsturbates next week Wednesday at 10:00pm Eastern Standard Time.

Flirting Techniques

17 Aug

On the last podcast,  we had a “flirting expert” on to discuss different ways to flirt.  And, I’ll be honest…  I define “flirting expert” as someone I may know in real life who is a huge flirt –  and he had some pretty cheesy pick-up lines to share.

He did also share that eye contact is good, not over-drinking, batting eyelashes and getting dolled up (i.e nails done, etc.)  are good tricks for girls to show that you are interested.

Honestly, I feel like I have those things down pat.. but perhaps just too much in my every-day life.  (I do consider myself a big flirt, in general.)   I thought I would bring it to discussion on the blog.    I’d like to know in the comments or via the Twitter –  What does someone of the opposite gender do that indicates to you that they like you, or are interested?  (I’m talking IN person.. not online.)

Additionally..  because the “flirting expert” mentioned to me that I should get my nails done, I have a poll question for my gentlemen readers:

But again –   let’s talk through this.   What can a person do to indicate that they are interested?   Can’t wait to see what you all think!!

Your Online (Dating) Footprint

9 Aug

I’m going to be totally honest with you guys –   I have signed up for a RIDICULOUS online dating website, which I will disclose at a later time.  The reasons were three-fold.

1)  A co-worker told me about how ridiculous it is, and suggested I take a look.

2)  Without me mentioning the site AT ALL,  they randomly started following my CatLady account on Twitter.

3)  You know I am hoping for some entertaining material for you all.

So, again, more to come on what the website is, and my experiences with it.. but, I started looking around to see the kind of people on there.  All but one were not my “type” at all..  and that one.. that one was FREAKING ADORABLE.

Suddenly, I had a sense of horror..  I want to meet this guy, but I can’t possibly meet him on this site.   I don’t mind that he’s there..  (it’s not a fetish site or anything..) but if this is the future Mr. CatLady… I really don’t want to announce to anyone that I met him on ReallyWeirdWebsite dot com.

I did what every sane female would do.  I immediately reverse searched his photo to see if I could find him on any other, more respectable, dating website.   Apparently not.

I, then, google searched his username.   Bingo.  He IS on other dating websites, like No Strings Attached dot com,  Adult Friend Finder dot com,  Ashley Madison dot com, and Tranny Connections dot com, just to name a few.  (Complete with photos.. definitely the same guy, for the record.)

So – here’s your lesson for the day:   Men of the interwebs…  I know you are males, and I know sometimes you do shady stuff.   Okay, a LOT of times you do shady stuff..  If it’s not something you’d be proud of anyone knowing, for goodness sakes  - don’t use the same fucking username!

Then, he popped up as a quiver match on OKCupid the next day.  Umm.. pass.

Oh, Craigslist..

19 May

A Twitter buddy of mine told me that I should start viewing Craigslist for some added humor to the blog, and sent me a specific example that was found.

For the record, I just want to say that this might be a little harsh, and definitely a stereotype – but people who search for sex on Craiglist are ultimate creeps and are disgusting.  Don’t do it.   Not to mention, stable and normal females don’t tend to pursue Craigslist for such things.. really, if we want sex, we can find it without the internet.

But, alas.. here is an entertaining post..

“I have a few unfulfilled romantic experiences / fetishes that I’d like to check off this summer so I can get back to being a normal upstanding gent.  (Ha.. that’s a laugh..)   Here’s a list. This is completely for real.

1. Gamestop girl — All female Gamestop employees welcome. If you’re reading this and you happen to know one, please forward it on to her. 

2. Relatives — optimally, two sisters. But this whole relatives thing seems like a logistical nightmare, so I’m willing to settle for cousins, aunt niece, step-sisters, whatever, one male relative max.  
(Eww.. just eww..)
3. Three girls – at the same time, or more

4. A celebrity — D-list or higher, public officials welcome

5. A genius — have proof ready, field immaterial  (I’d like to see proof of his being disease free..)

6. Someone to hire me a gigolo — but in the classy way, like I’m wearing a tux and going to the Four Seasons first

7. Sex on the 50 yard line — I’m thinking Rose Bowl or Coliseum but I won’t rule out a HS.  (Let’s face it buddy… if this happens, it will be at a high school..)

8. A midget — I’m not super sure on this one, you would need to be exceptionally hot UPDATE: okay it appears the contemporary term is dwarf and the cutoff is 4’10″ which means I unwittingly checked this off some time ago.

9. A Frenchwoman — preferably born in France and a native French speaker. Plusses: smoking, horizontally striped shirts, ennui, underarm hair. Minuses: probably underarm hair again, North African ancestry

10. A Brazillian — not super picky here. Plus if you’re good at volleyball.

11. A lesbian couple — I have a couple gold stars in my back pocket, but I’ve never been with a lesbian couple in a committed relationship. 

12. Someone with pronounced tanlines — the tanner the tan parts and the whiter the white parts the better, must be Michelle Rodriguez 
complected or lighter naturally.

13. A deaf chick — not sure if this makes me a really good person or a really bad person, can probably sort that out later. I had a really pretty deaf girl in a class once, and then it dawned on me, I can fuck pretty deaf girls. I’m also open to really hot blind girls . . . but I wonder how many of them read craigslist personal . . . and can drive out to [city] — anyway, if you’ve got a hot blind friend that you want to get laid, please refer her.  (Why would this make him a “really good person”?   Does he really think deaf people don’t ever have sex with hearing people?)

14. Someone who can defeat me at bar trivia — I don’t think there is a human female alive that can do this. But if you’re a really smart but not so conventionally attractive chick that wants to fuck a really hot guy — this could be your in.  (Oh… so he’s one of those guys who think women have smaller brains than men, too…  Bonus.)

15. A murderess — Classic murderess to the front to the line, followed by female soldiers who’ve killed with small arms, then vehicular manslaughtereresseses. Just to be clear, you still need to be hot. Jailhouse facial tattoos are disqualifiers. 

16. A furry — one of my earliest sexual memories is Babs Bunny. I don’t really know anything about the furry scene, so you would have to honcho this one. If you are one of the myriad gay dudes that will inevitably ignore the m4w m4ww classification, this is probably your best bet — dressing up like a lady furry and hoping I don’t notice.  

Now I know what you’re thinking “that list was too funny and delightful to be serious.” Nope, I’m totally serious.  (Oh Buddy, none of us thought for one second that you were kidding..)

ABOUT ME: 
I’m 6’4″, tan, and handsome. I have green eyes and sandy blond hair. Very fit body, rugged good looks with lots of confidence and perfect health. I’m not this immodest in person, but I will be here for brevity: I’ve been around the world, founded a successful little electronics company, served in the military, done philanthropic work, written books, earned advanced degrees, coached high level women’s volleyball and had many misadventures not suitable for publication.  (Bullshit.. all of it.)  Confession time: some of those books were comic books. Maybe, Craigslist isn’t the right place for somebody like me, but I have a sneaking suspicion that a smattering of awesome people pass through here. 

I have a righteous place of my own right on the sand in [city] with a hot tub. The balcony is directly over the crashing waves. Yes, I am peculiarly handsome and stable to be on CL but I assure you this is not to good to be true  (Oh, yes it is.) – if you can help me with one of the 17, please email and we’ll meet somewhere public and get a bottle of wine and then adjourn to my place on the beach. 
Thank you.”

*

I would bet that this guy is not that attractive.  I think men think much higher of themselves than women do, or so I have witnessed in the past.  I actually wish more girls had a guy’s confidence level in their attractiveness.  While it’s not a bad quality to have,  I think most confident guys tend to oversell themselves.  (I know this is a parody, but http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T8Jiwo3u6Vo.. You can thank @CatLadysIntern for this one!)

But, for sake of argument,  let’s believe this guy when he basically says he is God’s gift to women.   That apparently makes it okay to have a fetish list?  And how nice is he to perhaps give an ugly girl a chance if she can beat him at trivia?   …I would bet anything that he is a walking STD.

See – only tools use Craiglist for sex.

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