Obviously there are several things I hate about online dating.. but overall, I think online dating is a pretty good concept. Allow me to share with you what I dislike most about the entire process, though:
You go on your OKCupid date, and you either have a nice time or you don’t. When you get home… for some stupid reason (and I will tell you the female reason..) you log onto OKCupid.
Girls log on to OKCupid because they either don’t see relationship potential, OR to see if the guy has logged on to OKCupid, because we read into shit like that. (If a male would like to enlighten- by all means..) If the guy is “Online Now!” or has been since the date – we will automatically assume he is not interested.
Let’s set some ground rules.
1) After a successful OKCupid date, you should NOT log back on to OKCupid unless you absolutely have no other way to contact the person. (And if you don’t have another way to contact the person… Why don’t you have another way to contact the person!?)
2) If your OKCupid date was not successful, can we just tell the other person? Part B to that is if someone tells you that they aren’t interested: RESPECT THAT.
But — that’s wishful thinking, eh?
So, my friends — what do you do after a successful OKC date? Why do you log on? What do you do if you see the other person is logged on? Leave me a note so I can get this figured out!!
Soon2BeCatLady 
What’s a successful OkC date?
Haha.. jk. I don’t think I’ve even logged on after a successful one.
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If my friend sets me up with a nice date, I don’t ignore them afterward. Same for OKC. And truth be told I have made pen pal style relationships on there and would log back in to tell the person about the success or failure of the night. If it is OK for the girl to do but she thinks it’s not ok for me, then I can tell you already her and I wouldn’t likely work out.
I’m a private sort so yes, there are those who I only communicate with on OKC because I don’t feel comfortable introducing them to my other social media with pictures of my kid, etc.
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Guys do the same thing. The anxiety that comes after meeting someone you find exceptionally acceptable often leads you to checking out whether or not they are still window shopping. It sucks, and I have had to stop myself from doing it. There’s enough uncertainty surrounding initial attraction that we do not need to complicate it by instilling doubts in a trusting person we find fun, interesting, and attractive. Maybe this only applies to those of us who’ve been devastated by long term relationships that result in trust issues.
Here’s my suggestion. Make a second account with blank profile and save as favorite ALL the people you want to stalk to see if their online. At least he then would know you’re not signing back in to window shop and maybe he’ll stop after a fashion.
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Yes… just NEVER speak of this other account, or you will be deemed psycho!
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Agreed. I, myself, have never done this.
Never.
Not once.
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“OR to see if the guy has logged on to OKCupid, because we read into shit like that.” Yup. This. Every time. Good date or bad. I admit guilt on the blank second account as well. 😉
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Haha! I’m not sure about after a successful online date, because I never log back in after a successful date and if it’s not, then I tell them it’s not been successful. Perhaps I’m non the wiser by not peeking, but I don’t want to be checking up on someone that I barely know? I don’t think that’s a great start to things… which is kind of surprising in that I always read the end of a book before I get there to see what happens! Ha!
What is awkward, I find… is when you arrange a date with someone online, you swap numbers, you’re at the texting and calling stage before you meet up and you still see each other online. Hmmmm… Is it wrong to keep your options open before you’re even met? I think not…
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Yeah, what if he checked into OKC to check if the woman had logged on? Double standard? I agree with the ending: honesty is the best policy.
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Online dating is a numbers game. Keep your options open until you get a hint that they want more than casual dating.
I think it is too easy to keep thinking you can do better. Women do it because you’re being persistently messaged by eager men and men do it because of the quantity of freely available women online dating so it is easy to fall into the trap “he/she was great but let’s see what else is out there!” It makes it easier for everyone but at the same time a little harder for everyone. As men we are used to going on a date with you, having a nice evening, requesting a second date, being ignored and then just shrugging our shoulders and moving on to the next one.
Personally, I always do if the girl contacts me. If nobody contacts it is no problem but I have been ignored several times after what was a good date. It’s never fun but you just have to shrug and move on.
The flip to this I suppose is that you never know if that person is going to be abusive for rejecting them. That happened to a girl I went on a date with (who I now consider a good friend). She later confessed to being reticent to even reply to my request for a second date because she wasn’t interested and another guy had got quite nasty with her.
I’m on OKCupid and POF. I had a very successful date this weekend and we’ve agreed to go out again next weekend. Yet we are both still signing into our accounts. Why? I can’t speak for her but for me, I’m just looking around to see if somebody else catches my eye. What happens next weekend if we have a fantastic date but on Monday I message her again asking for a third date and she tells me “oh, I’m sorry. I really like you but I’ve felt a real connection with somebody else. I saw him today. You’re great, but this guy is amazing! Sorry! Good luck!” Keep your options open because no matter how amazing things might be, there could be somebody else even more amazing that person is also dating. And at this early stage you have no right to expect exclusivity.
Anyway, sorry about the ramble!
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My post from last week was vindicated because this happened. So that is an explanation for why, even after a successful date, I will still log in to my dating accounts. Take nothing for granted because no matter how well you think it has gone, they might still think it wasn’t good enough or they might feel they have a better option.
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