Ex-Boyfriend Pain

16 Dec

I thought I was over him.  I seriously, truly, thought I was.  After all, it’s been nearly 3 years.

I should explain first that I picked up a seasonal job in a shopping mall, at a niche store.   Why?  For something to do, for a nice discount on a product that I spend way too much money on to begin with, and because they needed some help.

So, I was behind the counter, putting a few things away, and I saw him approach the store.. with a girl.   In a split second flat,  I felt like I had been kicked in the gut, and I was practically underneath the counter.   In reality, I probably wasn’t under there for more than 3 seconds,  but it was the longest 3 seconds ever, and a LOT went through my mind at that time.

The first thought I had was “Why are you upset about this?   You don’t know that this is a girlfriend.”  Followed by “Why is he here?  This mall is not even close to his house or work!”  “What am I going to say?”  “How am I going to hold myself together?”  “He is going to think I am a total loser since I am working here..  How am I going to explain this?”   (This one puzzles me, because I am not struggling financially, and am not ashamed of this job…  but – maybe I am?)   And, of course, lastly, “I can’t stay under here forever, or I will look like a huge moron.”

I took a deep breath, and rose from my hiding place.  I slapped on a big smile, and looked forward at the man who was now a foot inside my store.. who actually wasn’t my ex-boyfriend at all.   Just a similar built guy, with a similar winter coat and stupid hat as the ex-boyfriend.

I learned quite a lot in that 3 seconds..    the biggest lesson being that I don’t believe I’m quite over the ex yet.

Damn it.


8 Responses to “Ex-Boyfriend Pain”

  1. wasteyouryouth December 16, 2013 at 6:27 am #

    Three years is nothing… :'((


  2. Chin Up, Chest High! December 16, 2013 at 9:26 am #

    Hmmm… you can be over somebody and not particularly want to see them with somebody else. I don’t think many people want to see it. As much as I care about my ex wife and would never take her back, I would feel weird seeing her with another bloke and if she was honest, despite that she ended the marriage by cheating on me, I bet she would find it weird to see me with somebody else too.


  3. aprileb December 16, 2013 at 1:03 pm #

    I do this all the time. And usually the person turns out to be not only not my ex, but also really unattractive, old, fat and bald. Which maybe says something about my ex in the first instance.


  4. Carol Balawyder December 16, 2013 at 2:56 pm #

    The analysis of your reaction is really interesting. So much can go through a mind in 3 minutes. We might not want to be with our ex but we don’t want him to be with someone else. Crazy Human Nature.


  5. qwer4231kbye December 17, 2013 at 7:32 am #

    I feel the same way with my ex (over 3 years now). I saw her at Ikea once a couple months ago with her (just married) husband and I hid immediately and then ran out the store with my hood up. I drove home. I went to bed immediately at 2 in the afternoon on a Saturday. I felt like I failed cause she left, moved on, and I’m still trying to find someone. It was overwhelming. I realized days later that I was afraid I would find that I missed her in my life. I was afraid that in the last 3 years, I missed out on something fulfilling. That thought is ridiculous. It was her loss cause I’m awesome. She missed out, not me.

    He missed out, cause you are a riot.


    • Soon2BeCatLady December 17, 2013 at 4:02 pm #

      Aww.. Thanks. I’m smart and pretty, too.. But apparently that scares the boys away.


      • qwer4321kbye December 18, 2013 at 3:07 pm #

        I, personally, am terrified of smart and pretty. It’s the fear of not only saying something dumb cause she’s pretty, but that she’ll obviously know it was dumb cause she’s smart.


  6. Sandy December 18, 2013 at 6:25 am #

    I can feel you. I still also love my ex boyfriend and it’s been 4years now since we decided to go our separate ways. 😦


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