Who Let the Dogs Out?

27 May

Although these messages have long since surprised me – it was interesting to see the amount coming through the Meat Market last night.   What was going on in the universe last night (aside from it being a Friday night)?

“hey wanna fuck?”

Guys-  I don’t know how many times I need to tell you this – but I don’t believe this message has ever worked, for anyone.  (Ladies – if this works for you,  correct me in a comment.)

It doesn’t even work if it follows a compliment:

Damn! You’re gorgeous! Would you mind sitting on my face for a while? Lol”

Could you ever imagine being asked how you met..  “Well, he asked me online if I would sit on his face awhile..”    I don’t understand why these guys don’t understand that girls want to be swept off their feet by a knight in shining armor.  Is this really too much to ask for?

The next approach also doesn’t work – at least for self-sufficient girls like me:

“$200 to take you to bed interested”

For me to consider such things.. it would have to be REALLY worth my while..  I’m sorry, but $200 would not take me long to come up with if I really needed it.

But perhaps my favorite of all:

“Mt mom said I could have some friends over for a sleep over. W ant to come?”

At least it’s somewhat clever, despite not knowing how to spell “my.”   However, I am not looking for a man who thinks he is twelve years old.

Dear Internet,  Aren’t you supposed to be providing me someone wonderful and intelligent?!

2 Responses to “Who Let the Dogs Out?”

  1. jon May 28, 2012 at 5:23 pm #

    You should respond “sure, send me your address and I’ll be over around 10”
    Obviously you shouldn’t go… Use that address to sign him up for free gay porn or something.

    Like

  2. Manda June 7, 2012 at 5:43 pm #

    Wow. I don’t miss online dating at all. :l I finally managed to snatch a good one, which are far and few between on dating sites. But don’t give up hope! You don’t have to be a crazy cat lady like I once thought I’d become. Actually, I’ll probably end up being a cat lady whether I’m still in a relationship or not.

    Like

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