Shirtless Bathroom Selfie

9 Dec

Based on the title, it should be no surprise to you that today’s interaction is with a shirtless bathroom selfie dude.

“Hello there :)”

“Where’s your shirt?!”

 

He really should be lucky that I responded at all.  I don’t often waste my time with ‘hello’ messages.

 

“I know right lol but how are you”

“That didn’t answer my question!”

“Fuck your question if you like it move along basic ass female”

 

Well, that made no sense… Nevertheless, I’m sure Mom is so proud.

Word Vomit?

6 Dec

I talked about this exchange a little bit on my weekly dating podcast, “Nothing In Common.”   If you aren’t subscribed to that, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE!?

Anyway – sometimes guys will send messages without the intent of pursuit?  I don’t get it!

“Love the username”

He was correct in sending that, my OkCupid username is pretty epic.  (It indicates that I am going to die alone with cats.)

“Thanks.  I do too.”

“Mine should be toointensePeopleThinkHesFaking”

“I don’t get it.”

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Scaring Them Straight!

20 Oct

prisonmike

As a woman on the internet, I get a lot of messages that are very complimentary towards me.  Sometimes I “have an awesome profile” and other times I’m “gorgeous.”  I always feel it necessary to send, at very least, a thank you.  It’s nice when someone goes out of their way to compliment you.

“You’re gorgeous”

“Aww, thank you!”

“You’re welcome. :-)”

 

We very well could have ended our conversation here.  That was certainly my intent.  But, something inspired him to write again:

“I wish I could bury my face between your legs”

 

WHY DO MEN FIND THIS ACCEPTABLE TO SEND TO A WOMAN!?!?!?!?  I assume the mindset is “I’d love it if a woman told me she wanted to spend some time between my legs.”   Most of us females don’t find that a turn-on from a complete stranger.  (Or even not complete strangers.)  I’m going to encourage you NOT to send that type of message to someone on the internet.

I wasn’t quite sure how to respond to this.  I could have ignored it, but then the blog wouldn’t be as entertaining.

“I have a court order against using men’s heads as a thigh master.  I’m NOT going back to prison!”

“Lmao”

“Love the humor though”

 

All I can think of now is Prison Mike, from “The Office.”

Excessive Messaging

7 Oct

I have all my online dating apps on my phone these days.  I know I could probably adjust my settings, but as it stands right now, my phone beeps every time I get a new message on any of these sites.  I need to know if my future husband has finally found me!

One of my biggest pet peeves in online dating is excessive messaging.  Give me a chance to read your message, process it, and possibly respond!

“If I could be king I’d take you as my queen”

“Okay, Eric Clapton.”

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Making Decisions For Others

25 Aug

If you follow me on Twitter, or listen to any of my podcasts – you likely know I’ve been busy with relatives from overseas.  But, online dating doesn’t wait around if you have family visiting, so I decided the blog shouldn’t wait either!

First and most importantly – DatingAdvice.com wrote up probably the nicest thing anyone has ever written about me.  They are a website dedicated to all topics regarding dating and relationships, and I’d highly recommend checking them out.  (Especially what they wrote about me!  http://www.datingadvice.com/online-dating/soon2becatlady-hilarious-online-dating-blog  — and ESPECIALLY before reading the following online dating interaction.  I enjoy proof in the pudding that I honestly think online dating is fun, and I’m really not pessimistic about it.  Don’t let the lines on the screen fool you!!)

My message for you today is DON’T MAKE DECISIONS FOR PEOPLE YOU DON’T KNOW!

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Corny Dad Jokes

17 Jun

“Hey.  Our profiles don’t match up that well but… Hi my names **** I think they match up enough to kinda see what’s up.”

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A Very Intimate Question

7 Jun

I understand that the protection of the computer screen makes it easier to say terrible things to people, as you don’t get to see their reaction.  But, these guys have their faces, and names attached to this!  No shame, whatsoever.  5 years later and it still floors me.

“Can I ask you a very intimate question?”

“I don’t know.  Can you?”

I believe he meant “May I..”

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I Have An Answer For Everything!

23 May

I don’t really have much commentary for this one.

“Sex?”

“Female.”

“Cum”

“Can not compute.”

(Hehehe!! Beep beep boop,  I am a robot!)

“I want you”

“I am not for sale.”

“Grr”

“Ribbit!”

He gave up after that one.

#DateMe: An OKCupid Experiment

14 May
IMG_2940

Yes, that’s me. I just don’t see where I’m going wrong in my quest for a man.😉

 

What happens when a woman creates an obviously fake OKCupid profile, declaring her love for cats and only cats?

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ALWAYS Use Protection!

7 Apr

Today I present to you, my dear reader, a fun CatLady fact. On a random whim six months ago, I went to the optometrist. I hadn’t had my “Disney Eyes” checked since grade school, and was about to sign up for insurance and wondered if I should purchase vision coverage. (Oh Adulthood, you’re so fun!) I assumed I still had perfect vision, but when I was asked to read the letters on the wall with my left eye – my soul was crushed. I am now the proud owner of way more pairs of nerdy glasses than I’d ever be willing to admit. (Most women like shoes. I hate shoes. But give me ALL OF THE NERDY GLASSES!) This is necessary information for today’s online dating horror story. By the way, this post is NC-17.

As much as I would like to, I just can’t take Tinder seriously.

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