In December of 2011, I met a guy online who I went out with a few times. In my very first online interaction with him, and told him about this blog. When he asked to see it, I told him I would share on 2.5 conditions. One of those conditions was that if he ends up on my blog he is not to get pissed off. Today – he ends up on this blog, and he is not allowed to be pissy about it. (Although unlikely.)
So – anyway… this guy’s name is Jon, and Jon got a message today from a girl that said:
“hi 🙂 id love if you read my profile”
For starters – as you all know – CRAPPY first message. Not that it justifies it by any means, but girls can get away with this easier than guys can. (Although I would advise you guys not to put up with this.) Jon looked at her profile and said he wasn’t overly enthused about this girl – but decided to be nice and respond anyway.
He responded:
“Hey [Girl’s Name],
I took a look around your profile, you seem like a great person. I’m gonna be forward here, the kid is probably a deal breaker but if you’re really awesome, I’d consider meeting you and seeing what happens.
I guess the only thing I don’t see is what you are doing with your life, what do you do for a living, etc?
How old is your son?
Out of curiosity, what did you see that made you want to message me?
I’ll talk to you later,
Jon”
Let’s be honest here – if her original message was from a guy and sent to me, I either wouldn’t have responded, or would have been a smart ass and responded something like, “Okay, I read it.” But – I think Jon was nice to respond, and has learned from the best how to keep a girl engaged. 😉
She responded:
“My profile states what Im doing with my life ? What are you doing with urs? Yours has as much of a description as mine does. “the kid” is a beautiful blessing and your message comes across as rude”
Wait.. what? Rude?! I get where she probably flew off the handle because he said that someone with a kid is probably a deal breaker for him, but that doesn’t make the message rude. Her message comes across as an immature teenager.. you know, one of those that clearly knows how to spell, but spells words wrong for shits and giggles.
Additionally, I would like to add that I visited her profile. I find interesting that on her six things she can’t live without, she includes “Jesus, water, heat, friends, shelter and HER DOG.” What about the “blessing”?
Friends – This is especially why I hate text messaging.. you can’t depict someone’s tone through text. (Including my blog, here!) Therefore, you should give the person the benefit of the doubt… and DON’T READ INTO IT. Of course, sometimes I need to take my own advice.. but – seriously.. Was his message rude?
Soon2BeCatLady 
“but if you’re really awesome…” Kind of harsh sounding. Like-Hey, you have a kod, but if I deem you cool enough to off set that, I will grace you with some dates. When you mention a person’s child, you tap into their protective place. Tread lightly.
All that aside-her message was beyond rude, and a clear indicator of why she is single. Fly off the handle much? Geez…
First messages should be all about positive comments. The words “deal breaker” should never be said. If there is a deal breaker, don’t message them. If there is a possible deal breaker? Shut up and date before you open your mouth. Every single facet of someone’s personality is a potential deal breaker. That is why you go out and date and find out if you are compatible.
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hi there! i’ve nominated you for the versatile blogger award, please check it out at: http://vivaciousdeb.com/2013/01/12/awards-for-me/
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also, in response to this blog, I don’t think he sounded rude, at all! He was honest about what his deal breakers usually are but he was nice enough to make an exception for that chick. But then again, I’m not a parent, so I don’t know how it would feel to read that as a parent.
she was ridiculous though, there was no need for her to respond that way
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As a parent, I appreciate the honesty. His message hinting that it was a deal breaker but he was flexible was fine I thought. Hers wasn’t. People get too invested in individual messages, and any girl who flew off the handle like that at the beginning would be setting off blaring klaxons in my head.
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Hrm… to be honest, while the message itself wasn’t rude, I would have been hurt and/or offended by it.
If a guy were to say “Ugh yeah I usually stay the hell away from women with kids but if you’re awesome I’ll make an exception”, I would wonder what kind of hoops this guy would make me jump through to prove I’m awesome enough to date despite having a child.
It creates an immediate inequality, that’s all.
It’s hard for single parents to find love again, because kids are deal breakers for so many. As a single mother who has found herself alone and VERY lonely after her marriage shattered, I must say that if I had gotten an email like your friend sent, I might have burst into tears, cried “NO ONE WILL EVER LOVE MEEEEEEEE” and then consumed half a bottle of merlot.
But that’s just me 😛
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Hrm… to be honest, while the message itself wasn’t rude, I would have been hurt and/or offended by it.
If a guy were to say “Ugh yeah I usually stay the hell away from women with kids but if you’re awesome I’ll make an exception”, I would wonder what kind of hoops this guy would make me jump through to prove I’m awesome enough to date despite having a child.
It creates an immediate inequality, that’s all.
It’s hard for single parents to find love again, because kids are deal breakers for so many. As a single mother who has found herself alone and VERY lonely after her marriage shattered, I must say that if I had gotten an email like your friend sent, I might have burst into tears, cried “NO ONE WILL EVER LOVE MEEEEEEEE” and then consumed half a bottle of merlot.
But that’s just me
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“While the thought of having a family of my own someday is appealing, I’ve never really dated anyone with a child. I imagine it’s difficult – I’d want to tread carefully, for my own sake, for yours and for your son’s as well.”
THAT would be well received by me.
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I like it. You may have seen my more recent post suggesting that you don’t even bring up offspring until date 3, and that’s if things are going well.
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