I am stuck, and am not really sure what to do.
I have been talking online to a guy for a few days- He is super nice, and we have had some interesting conversations back and forth. He is older than me by about a year, so all is gravy in my age snobbishness. Before now, I would have had no issues meeting up in person to see if there was anything there. I don’t fall or crush easily – and without actually meeting someone I would have no idea.
He mentioned working yesterday – so I asked him what he does. He works in retail. While I did automatically cringe, I understand that times are tough right now – so that is not a total deal-breaker. I asked him what his dream job is. He doesn’t have any idea. But, he enjoys going to work. ….And now it becomes a deal-breaker….
A little about myself: I have a good paying job that I LOVE. I have a side business. I own a home, and have for 3 years. All of this is information on my online dating profile. I USED to work retail when I was a teenager. Retail is a job you are supposed to grow out of. I consider myself very driven, even thought that wasn’t always the case.
I don’t want anyone to take this the wrong way – so I do want to point out that it’s not that retail is horrible pay (even though retail IS horrible pay..) It’s that he doesn’t seem to strive to want something better. I can’t handle that. I’m not saying he needs to have life figured out by any means – but a general direction of where you’re headed helps. I can’t become a life coach, or a guy’s mom.
So any ideas in my head that I might be pleasantly surprised by someone online has come to a screeching halt and I’m over it. Here’s my problem: How do I tell him that without being a bitch?
Please, internet… Advice?
Soon2BeCatLady 
I used to worry about all this stuff too but I learned you can’t. You know how they say you can’t change a man. Well, you can’t change a woman either. People don’t change unless they want to or have to. And that’s part of the beauty of being in a relationship. You grow and change together.
What I’m trying to say here is that you can’t let things that you can’t change (which is nothing) factor into your decision. Things like age, job, hair, bladdy bladdy blah.
You have to pay attention to the things that matter … for example if you have things in common, if he makes you laugh, if he texts you and makes you feel like he’s thinking of you, if there is chemistry, stuff like that you know? Stuff that matters. Stuff that doesn’t change no matter what happens to that person over time.
If you make your decision about superficial things .. then you end up with superficial people aka ‘the asshole.’ For me, all I changed was giving the guys with the shitty jobs or too old for me etc. a little bit more time. So instead of shutting some down without any real reason … I would have a real reason later on … like I’m sorry it just seems you don’t want the same things as me because you never really want to hang out with me. You never call me for a date and I need a man that wants me to be their woman … not some causal thing. — Now the guy knows how to treat the next lady and you know a bit more about what you’re looking for from what he didn’t show you.
Anyway, I hope this helps some ❤ just give the guy some credit. It really depends what kind of 'retail' he's doing. Is it Prada, Apple, or something like Kmart? And even then, even if he's working at McDonald's, maybe that makes him happy. Maybe he's really awesome at his job, maybe he loves seeing kids faces when they open the toy in the happy meal. You would never know this without getting to know the guy. Give it time okay??
much ❤
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