Holy Cow.

18 May

This is perhaps the longest first message I have ever received.  I almost called it a form letter, which I believe it to be for the most part.   I think overall, it’s too much..

“Good morning [Soon2BeCatLady],
While listening to Thornley’s “Can’t Keep a Good Man Down”, and reviewing your profile, I want you to know I thought it was a really enjoyable read about your straight and forward attitude. You laid it out there and seem like you don’t and won’t play games which is a great characteristic. (A big plus)

I don’t know your name…well hopefully soon I may if you find me to your liking that is. But, you have that girl next door quality that I’m looking for in a woman. Lastly, it’s your eyes and smile that could light up a room.

For the record, I’m not like 99.99999 percent of the douchebags on this site who are trying to talk their way into your pants.

I’m actually one of the few looking for something real and whole. It’s been too long for me (over two years) and I’m finally ready to find one woman to commit to.

I will do my best to make your ribs hurt from laughter. If it takes a good joke, my own stupidity as a young soldier (Yes, I’m an Army Vet) some situational comedy, or even pulling out some old school physical comedy, aka “The Jack Tripper”From 3’s Company, I’ll make you laugh. I promise. 

I am absolutely positive that we could share horror stories about who’ve and what we’ve seen through this site. I’m sure you get 100s of emails weekly, maybe even daily. Hopefully, mine stands out as someone you’d like to get to know. Hence my need to make first contact. After what I’ve received, you start to think “Is this all I attract? Really?” So, here I am, putting myself out there for you to make that choice if I’m cool enough to talk to or not.-Smiles-

My profile, it’s a broad overview of what I’m about and who I’m looking for. I hold nothing back and I’m sure that’s what you’re looking for, someone honest about themselves and what they want in life. Were you winded after reading it? –Laughs-

To be honest, I’m taking a shot here emailing you and figured, “WTHeck? Why not!? The worst she can do is:
1. Not reply
2. Tell me “Go take a long walk off a short pier jackass!”

My Mom always told me “Jeffrey, if she likes you and she gives you her number, you call her. Boys call girls sweetheart, girls don’t call boys. It’s only gentlemanly to do so.” My Mom was a genius-Smiles-.

One thing I am up front and direct about is that if you don’t find me to your liking, please notify me of said request. That way, I won’t continue to email you back.

It would be great to hear back from you. I’m just an honest guy looking for a good woman.

Lastly, I’m including my y a h o o I M handle if you’d like to talk outside of this horrid site.

Take care & warmest regards,

Yahoo IM – [removed]
Email – [removed] (It’s…..an old Army nickname…..I can explain later for you-Smiles-)
Band Website: [removed]
Phone number ? No, My Mom always said that “Boys call Girls Jeffrey, they like that. So if you’re comfortable after a bit, it would be great to get yours.
“A dream doesn’t become reality through magic; it takes sweat, determination and hard work.”-General Colin Powell-“”

10 Responses to “Holy Cow.”

  1. B.V. May 18, 2012 at 12:25 am #

    Yeah, it reads like a form letter. He doesn’t address anything specific to your profile. But I loved long first messages! That’s how the boyfriend first convinced me to give him a chance. His message very specifically referred to my admittedly long & demanding profile–I was very pleased that he had read the whole thing! Still, I would be thrown off if a guy includes all his contact info right off the bat…


  2. Velvet May 18, 2012 at 3:53 am #

    Stop overthinking it. Maybe it is a form letter. Maybe it isn’t. Will you die if you give him a chance? He didn’t ask you to move to Algeria!!! Maybe he is like me, and he felt the need to babble on for ages because he liked what he saw in your profile and he is a little panicky that if he doesn’t include the right thing somewhere in his message, you won’t reply.

    By the way? My long babble-y message (in hindsight) read like a form letter. It wasn’t.

    JUST DATE!!! Besides, we want to hear more about what happens when you meet some of these dudes. 😉


    • Soon2BeCatLady May 18, 2012 at 11:56 pm #

      Yeah.. well.. he also lives half a country away. =)


    • kellig May 19, 2012 at 6:57 pm #

      i concur. it is a horrid way to meet people, and how in the world do you know what will strike a cord with someone without kind of throwing it all out there.


      • Soon2BeCatLady May 19, 2012 at 7:52 pm #

        There are several factors involved for me to meet someone. Most importantly, they have to live within a reasonable driving distance – he does not. He is out of state.. (This was on my “fake” account that I list myself out of state.)
        I also have to find him attractive, and have some online discussion first to determine he is not a huge pig. The discussion is granted if I can tell he read my profile. It’s not hard to throw in something you list yourself as interested in.


  3. howtoonlinedate May 18, 2012 at 10:58 pm #

    errr… what’s a form letter?… the above looks like a long ass first message! although he sounds like he will worship the ground you walk on, he may be a little crazy… keep us posted :o)


    • Soon2BeCatLady May 18, 2012 at 11:55 pm #

      Yeah.. I am not responding to it.


    • Velvet May 19, 2012 at 2:35 pm #

      A form letter is a message that someone blindly copies/pastes and sends to every person they reach out to. Some people will send these to every person who has a profile picture that doesn’t make them physically ill. Others use a form letter as their “tried and true” recipe to get the people they are really interested in to respond to them. They almost never work, because there is never anything in the form letter referring specifically to the person they send it to. They aren’t always malicious, but they are pretty annoying.


      • howtoonlinedate May 19, 2012 at 5:32 pm #

        wow, almost like a blind resume sweep! i think i got one back in the day but had no idea that they have become so common that a term was coined to define it… thanks for the def!


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