Clueless

25 Aug

I love having personal friends trying their luck at the Online Dating Game with me!   Velvet has been back on the OKCupid scene for a short while now, and we compare stories and notes constantly.   People at our work think we are absolutely insane.

For the record –  Velvet and I are 10 years apart in age, so our dating pools are quite different.. Not to mention we have very different tastes in men.   But- she was showing me a profile of a guy she was talking to – and even I had to admit he wasn’t bad to look at.

A few days later when we were hanging out, she mentioned that while she kept hinting to him to ask her out, via text..  He wasn’t biting.  While they were literally texting back and forth,  I decided to see if I could help the cause and logged into MY account and sent him the following message:

“Ask. Her. Out.”

“Huh? Who??”

Oh my gosh, the girl you are texting, Dumbass!  I decided to ignore the message and let him attempt to figure it out on his own.  I must have broke his brain, because 20 minutes later I got another message from him:

“Please explain what you mean.  I don’t understand your cryptic message.”

I know the words “Ask her out” are hard to grasp.. so, let me help all you other confused gentlemen out there:  It is NOT the girl’s job to ask you out.  It’s your job to ask US out.  We can ask you out – we don’t want to.   Deal with it.

Anyway- a few days later – he did ask her out.   Between their schedules (they work opposite shifts..)  they were able to schedule something for 2014..   Hopefully I won’t be doing this long enough to let you know how it goes.

BUT WAIT..  THERE’S MORE!

Just tonight, Velvet informed me she got a random text message from this gentleman:

“Think my cialis is kickin in…”

Don’t worry though..  5 minutes later he then sent “LOL”  making that statement completely normal.  Shoot – guys text me about their erectile dysfunction all the time.  

Velvet is going to be postponing that date..

5 Responses to “Clueless”

  1. Velvet August 26, 2012 at 8:59 pm #

    Yeah, nothin gets my motor running like a man who requires a pharmacist to get him ready to roll. Ugh…

    Like

  2. dramafreepaul August 29, 2012 at 5:34 am #

    It’s sounds like Velvet had to make a hard decision go soft. That line sounded good in my head. Velvet…I like that name!

    Like

    • Velvet September 3, 2012 at 11:57 pm #

      If only you knew, Paul… My name IRL is every bit as unique. 😉

      Like

  3. johnnyslick September 2, 2012 at 2:25 pm #

    I am, admittedly, absolutely horrible with the “send 40 messages to someone and don’t get the clue to ask her out” thing. I have had two women go like “SO ARE YOU GOING TO ASK ME OUT ALREADY JEEEZ” within the past year, which is neat but yeah, it’s a hang-up of mine. Please do not judge my inadequacies!

    Like

  4. Velvet September 4, 2012 at 12:08 am #

    Ok, johnnyslick-here is how we will decide whether to judge your inadequacies. Did the girl ever say anything like, “What are you doing tonight? I am just hanging out watching TV” or when you mention a hobby, did she ever say “Wow, [insert hobby here]?? I have always wanted to try that!!” Because if she did, and you didn’t ask her out, then judge you I will. Because when a girl is laying on hints like that, it takes every bit as much courage as it takes you to say, “So, wanna meet for a drink tonight?” Possibly more, as that girl has ALREADY TOLD YOU she wants to meet up with you.

    If she hasn’t hinted, well then, maybe you get a pass. Maybe. But when the messages number that high? That in itself is a hint. Wake up, buddy. 🙂

    Like

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