I Need Your Expertise

9 Sep

No funny message today, but figured since I tend to get a fair amount of comments, I could ask you all for your advice.

The problem is this:   When I go out on OKCupid dates, or what have you..  The date ends and I either like the person enough to at least go out again, or I have no interest what-so-ever.   Sometimes I fall in the middle, but I’m not asking about those times.

And this is what happens almost no-fail, everytime:     CatLady had a nice time and would be interested in going out again..   Date either falls off the planet or lets her know he isn’t interested.    OR:   CatLady really isn’t interested, and Date is pretty much in love with CatLady and won’t leave her alone.   (For the record, if I am kind-of “Not sure, I could take it or leave it..”,  I generally hear from the person again.)

I very rarely get passed the “first date.”

I guess my question is.. How does a female indicate she had a nice time, and is interested in hanging out again, without being the one to have to make “the move” – and without being overly invested?  (Hey, I get it – sometimes he’s just not interested..)   I also want to clarify, when I AM interested in seeing the person again, I don’t think I am psycho about it..  Maybe I’m too nonchalant?

Tips.. Advice.. Anything… GO!

14 Responses to “I Need Your Expertise”

  1. s4m4nth4x September 9, 2012 at 12:25 am #

    I think the best thing to do is be specific when you say that you want to hang out again – “Let’s do this again, what are you up to NEXT FRIDAY?” Instead of the vague and confusing, “Let’s do this AGAIN… SOMETIME,” which can sound like a brush off to someone who is unsure or insecure.

    Like

    • Soon2BeCatLady September 9, 2012 at 12:26 am #

      But that’s me making the move, though..

      Like

      • s4m4nth4x September 9, 2012 at 12:28 am #

        Why are you soo hesitant to make the move? That might be why you don’t get past the first date. They might be sitting at home, wondering if you like them enough to call and ask them on a second date…

        Like

      • s4m4nth4x September 9, 2012 at 12:43 am #

        Maybe it would be LESS like making a move if you said something like, “I have next Friday off, you should give me a call if you’re free.”

        Like

      • Soon2BeCatLady September 9, 2012 at 12:45 am #

        I like that better.

        Like

  2. charginout September 9, 2012 at 12:40 am #

    What do you mean by “overly invested”?
    ya know…they say..”it ain’t gamblin unless you bet more than you can afford to lose”

    Like

    • Soon2BeCatLady September 9, 2012 at 12:52 am #

      I mean “overly invested” like constant texting, already made you my boyfriend in my mind, batshit crazy girl stuff.

      Like

      • charginout September 9, 2012 at 12:56 am #

        Well yea, dont do THAT, but you have to do something. And that may involve a risk of getting your feelings hurt. Thats just how it goes. How’s your body language game?

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      • Soon2BeCatLady September 9, 2012 at 12:58 am #

        That’s the issue.. I’m awkward. I don’t mind a little risk.. and usually I say “Oh, we should go do [this] sometime!” But – still.. just kinda nothing.

        Like

      • charginout September 9, 2012 at 1:02 am #

        Try speaking soon after giving body language signals. Most guys these days are well versed body language and are actually paying attention to it. For example, put you hair behind your ear, turn towards him, and THEN say “we should…”

        Like

  3. Kaizen101 September 9, 2012 at 1:36 am #

    If a guy is interested in you, then you wouldn’t have to do any work in chasing the guy, he’ll chase you. If he’s not interested in you after date #1 he will avoid you or respond very slowly to you, like days later until he completely stops responding to you. It shouldn’t be any different than if you were interested in the guy or not. In this case if you’re interested in the guy you respond favorably and right away, where as if you’re not then you ignore the guy or make up some lame excuse and hope he’d read between the lines.

    Like

  4. Greg Hindman (@ThePinkPhantom) September 9, 2012 at 6:25 am #

    How long into the date do you usually get before you know you want to see that guy again? And when that happens, does your insecurity “ramp up”? If that’s the case you could be subconsciously ‘showing’ that and your date picks up on it as ‘not interested’.

    Even if you don’t “decide” until the very end 2nd date or no, it could be that last impression you’re leaving.

    It may simply mean needing an internal way (mental affirmation/mantra, slowing your breathing, simply focusing on your date as a way of quieting your mind) of dealing with your own feelings, so you don’t unintentionally sabotage yourself.

    Like

  5. Manda September 9, 2012 at 1:56 pm #

    I’m like you in that I have no interest in making moves in the beginning. I felt that by standing back and letting the guy do most of the work, it was my way of detecting his real level of interest. Guys who were truly interested in me were doing their best to schedule a second date. I KNOW that I came across as nonchalant and even hard to read sometimes, but it didn’t seem to stop guys from pursuing me. If they want that second date, they’re going to ask you. Shy or inexperienced guys may be more hesitant, but I always wanted a guy with enough balls to be assertive and show interest. And if they don’t ask, I think it’s usually best to take it as a sign that they’re not interested/still hung up on an ex/were looking for a quick lay/have one of many issues that prevents them from pursuing a relationship with a woman. So there, that’s my advice based on my experiences.

    Like

  6. dramafreepaul September 11, 2012 at 3:19 am #

    Manda’s advice was right on. When I’ve been into girls and wanted to see them again, I’ve made it clear and ask them out again. In my early years, the not interested/wanted to get layed and new I wasn’t was the reason a girl didn’t hear back from me. Now they get a polite text.

    From reading your blog, you sound like a strong woman. Like Manda, I think you want an assertive guy with balls that will come after you. I bet you’re like Dexter, you have a code. Stick to it:)

    Like

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