Phucking

7 Oct

On September 30th, I got a message on my “fake” POF account that said:

 

“Dear Snake Charmer….  (remember I have a photo of me holding a snake..)

Love to meet you for soda, tea, cognac or what ever.

Timothy

p/s I threw a full bottle of horse radish at a neighbor’s cat trying to walk into my kitchen door this morning.
I missed the cat, but I broke the jar of horse radish..

Obviously I hate cats..and have dated my share of girls with them! 
I prefer only one pussy in my bed! T2″

 

I should also specify that on my fake POF profile, I bring up my dislike for cats.  (The profile itself is pretty vague.)

Even if this guy was in my area, and not hundreds of miles away – the lame pussy joke that I have gotten over and over is stupid..  Not to mention is man is TWENTY YEARS my senior.

 

Today.. I got part two.. (Which also happens to be his POF profile text..)

 

“OK….my second note to you..Better Block me!

Do you have a phucking clue what you are looking for?

Would you know him
if you saw him on the street?
Would you know him
if you woke up with him?
Would you know him,
if he was deep inside of you?

if He was Me?

Would you be petty and nit pick stupidities,as you have done so many times before.

Mister Perfect. Sure.

Lose the Good, in search of The Better..

Be intersted in booze and snooze and music groups, and football teams, and other stupidies ripping the seams..?

Looking for a Diamond, when you have a chunk of Gold?
And shit, winter is upon us, and nights will be Cold!

And the sheets hard and stiff, when with the right stiff lover, sheets could be wet and warm all winter long. How can you phuck this guy up??? You have done it before, you can phuck it all up again. Yes, this guy on the screen..you are reading him. He is actually just fine.

Wake Up, don’t lose another good man! Chrissake..how can you look so sharp, and be so stupid.
Tell it like it is!

You have missed plenty of opportunities with good guys who really were just fine, but You always had to just be perfect, and blow off another good guy, when you could have been perfectly happy, being accepting him and just blowing him.

Well, here we have a nearly perfect guy. Moi.

Healthy, except for a broken leg from skiiing in Switzerland. No bad habits, no excess baggage no dirty laundry no ex-wives in the closet.., no gambling debts, no drugs, He actually has a great home and a good job! Oh but, he shaves his head, oh but he is too stuffy and listens to opera, oh but he cooks really well, is a great dresser, and good party host and..yes, he is so good at night, afternoon and early in the morning..perhaps even for his age, he may just screw you more and better than you are used to…
but, but, he is so much older than you are…
so let’s just call that the Deal Breaker..
and move back to some Country Music College Boy,
with a backwards baseball hat,
who has spent last night
balling your best friend,
Pat..

Yeah..better just delete this guy..and just move on…”

 

So. Many. Thoughts…  Which probably don’t need to be typed because you already know how ridiculous this is.

I will leave you with this:  Did a 47 year old man really just spell “fucking” with a PH?!   And did I misinterpret.. or is name both Timothy and Pat?

9 Responses to “Phucking”

  1. Tomato Spammer October 7, 2012 at 3:39 am #

    Maybe he thinks every girl’s best friend is named Pat and likes faux cowboys. Frankly, I find it amazing that a guy like this doesn’t have an ex wife (or some POF girl) locked in his closet at this point with that level of personal stability.

    Like

    • Tomato Spammer October 7, 2012 at 3:40 am #

      Run on, little sentence. Be free. #grammarnazi

      Like

    • Soon2BeCatLady October 7, 2012 at 3:40 am #

      Haha!

      Like

  2. Kormai October 7, 2012 at 4:21 am #

    “The age would be a deal breaker…but so is the crazy.” – something along the lines of how I would respond to that haha.

    Like

  3. Jenn October 7, 2012 at 4:52 am #

    Sooooo many things wrong with him on so many levels. I do not envy you for getting these messages! Mine are nothing in comparison. Maybe it’s an America-male thing

    Like

  4. kellig October 7, 2012 at 4:55 am #

    Wow, dude has some SERIOUS baggage.
    If you hadn’t been considering blocking him, that rant would should convince you.

    Like

  5. lostngoneforever October 7, 2012 at 11:27 pm #

    Woah. Uhm, what? Seriously couldn’t even make it all the way through that second message. Well, he did warn ya… Better phucking block him! LOL

    Like

  6. dramafreepaul October 10, 2012 at 3:34 pm #

    The FBI should start cross referencing people on online dating sites with their database of of criminal minds. I bet they would find some people they’re looking for for weird unsolved crimes.

    Like

  7. Janey November 27, 2012 at 11:47 pm #

    Oh my god. This blog is the story of my online dating life. I post the utterly lame and psychotic messages I get on my profile. Needless to say, it makes guys think I’m a total bitch. And often I am accused of being picky. To which I reply, “hell yeah!” A small sample: I’ve had a 57 year old married man ask me if I would “roll (sic) play daddy/daughter” with him and a 48 year old ask me if he could buy me shoes in exchange for a blow job. One angry, and obviously insecure, guy shouted (in all caps) that he hoped I’d get run over by an SUV. We had no previous conversation, by the way. Another guy picked me out for his wife (that’s true love), and yet another told me my problem was that I needed to be put in my place. He described himself as a proficient and successful teacher of subs and could make me love being chained to a man and taught to serve him sexually. By the way, he was 5’5″, prematurely bald and had a belly and stumpy legs. Somebody’s got little man issues. Thank god I have a sense of humour.

    Like

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