Obviously you all know that you have option to comment on any of my blog posts, and I absolutely LOVE it when you do! So, totally keep that up. I got a question on my last post in the comments, and generally if I think it’s something more than one person might want the answer to – I will post it here and respond “publicly”, if you will.
So “Taylor” writes:
“I’ve been subscribed to your blog for over a month and nothing satisfies you. Post an example of something that a guy said that actually worked for you. Your glass is always half empty…as lame as all the messages you get it still gets depressing you’re shooting 99% of them down. The successful Tawkify phone calls that worked for you, post examples of why it worked for you. Toss your male readers a bone.”
Hi Taylor!
First and foremost, I would like to point out that my blog is entitled “Soon2BeCatLady – Why I’ll Soon Be A Crazy Cat Lady” and not “How To Be Successful in Online Dating.” I don’t anticipate I will ever post anything that “satisfies” me, because that’s really not the point – I’m actually going for the “humor” piece, if you will.
But- as I’ve said before, there are messages that I do respond to, and don’t blog about… I could blog about them, but they lack entertainment value. Honestly, what works for me may not work for another girl. I had a podcast interview with Karl Mamer, and part of our discussion included that guys seem to think there is a “One-size-fits-all” approach when it comes to the ladies, and that is SO not the case. As I am sure you know by now, girls are weird and crazy. (I also hope that listening to this podcast also enlightens the “glass half empty” opinion you have of me. People who know me in real life understand that the amount of pessimism I carry is almost zilch.)
But “throw you a bone”, I will. This is what works for me: Engage me in a conversation. (This also works in so many other aspects of life..) I feel like my online dating profile is full of information that you could start a conversation about… I understand some are more generic. (And that sucks.) If you send me a message online that says, “Hey CatLady, I read on your profile that you frequent the gym. What is your favorite workout machine, or the one you use most frequently?” I will probably respond to that. That would indicate that you read my profile and find me interesting, instead of just “hot.” If I get a message that could be copied and pasted to anyone, I will assume you didn’t read my profile and I’m just a piece of meat to you. (Is that always the case? NO. I get that.. but it only takes a couple seconds extra to ask me about something I have referenced. – I can’t be expected to carry the conversation if you have messaged me first.)
Same goes for Tawkify as well – I have enjoyed the conversations more when it wasn’t interview questions back and forth, and an actual discussion about something.
Really, that’s the only advice I can give you that’s easily accomplished. If a girl doesn’t respond because she doesn’t find you attractive, I can’t advise on that. (However I have said before, and will say again and again.. People aren’t always what they look like in pictures… and that goes BOTH ways.) I think online dating needs to progress beyond “window shopping.” Just because you find someone attractive doesn’t mean that their personality will mesh with yours, you know what I’m saying?
Anyway- That’s really I have to say on it. If my blog doesn’t entertain you, use it as a guide for “What NOT to do.”
Hopefully I answered your question to your liking.. if not, well… I don’t know what to tell you.
❤ CatLady
Soon2BeCatLady 
Totally agree. I hate getting copy and pasted messages that say nothing about my profile. If a girl puts enough information about herself to get the conversation going, then ‘hi’ or ‘you look hot’ shows the guy is lazy, an idiot or both. Oh and I love, LOVE getting the copy and pasted messages TWICE when I haven’t responded.
Keep it up. No one cares about the nice messages. We want to hear all the horrors and funny stories (which there are more anyways):))
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I totaly see your point here Cat. Though I can see where “Taylor” is coming from, us guys being clueless and all, you still make a valid point on the Purpose of this Blog, and that’s why every post captivates me. You know I’m a fan, no matter how many times I say “WTF does she want?” Sometimes knowing what you don’t want is good enough. 🙂
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Does anyone REALLY know what they want though?
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No, because people change and evolve. What may be a deal breaker could easily change if the right person showed up.
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Online dating is harder now than it was 8 years ago. When OKC first launched it was “easier” to get dates and be in a relationship from a free online dating site. People seemed more serious back then. I have a friend who married her husband and they met on OKC 5 years ago. I don’t believe that would happen today.
Dating is a numbers game. It’s like trying on a pair of shoes. Does it fit? Does it look good? Is it comfortable? There’s no magic formula, sometimes it works with the first girl you date and sometimes it takes a bit longer.
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Here’s the problem with the numbers game theory – 99.9% of the chicks on these sites ARE window shopping and do not try the shoe on. I’m getting so sick of this online dating thing that I’m about to start hitting up bars a couple nights a week.. its that bad.
catlady’s short “guide” doesn’t work for me(yeah, I’m not hot, window shopping doesn’t work for me). Even more in depth questions and comments, etc, don’t work either.
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I met my boyfriend on OKC last summer. Tomorrow is our one-year anniversary, and we plan on getting married eventually. It still happens!
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Sweet, my comment made it to the front page of the blog. *lol*
Thanks for the detailed response. Sorry for the “:glass is half empty” comment. It wasn’t directed to you as a person but just how the posts on your blog comes through.
I agree there isn’t a “one-size-fits-all” approach for girls but also the same for guys, maybe more so for girls. Like Karl said, guys tend to all be attracted to the same qualities initially, then what they want diverges off from the beaten path.
Guys are visual creatures. If you’re beautiful or cute, some will compliment you. That’s nothing to be offended by since you could get the same comment out in public. Of course what’s offensive is the sexual explicative that follows.
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With all of my posts, with the exception of very few – and you’ll know which one those are – you should hear a giggling girl’s voice reading it.. I laugh at most of the messages I get. =)
And – I am never offended if someone gives me a compliment *unless it’s a backhanded one like I look like I give good head or something*.. But I also don’t have time to write back to every single one either until it starts paying my bills for me. It amazes me how people don’t read what’s in front of them… there are big indicators on an dating website as to who the person is (if it’s done right.) Why wouldn’t someone use that to their advantage?
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I have to second that. I was never offended by all the guys who sent me messages telling me I was cute, or beautiful, or gorgeous, or whatever. But at the most active point during my time on OKC, 10-12 new guys contacted me every day. Add to that the guys with whom I already had a conversation… I simply didn’t have time to respond to everyone, especially guys who didn’t bother making an effort.
And I can’t reply to Jon, who’s comment is higher up, but I replied to many guys I didn’t find attractive, simply because their messages were funny and engaging. Along the same vein, I ignored plenty of hot guys because their messages were all the same. I’m cute, I get it, try again.
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Just ignore Jon.. he’s just bitter.
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(I would imagine you probably HAVE segments on your blog regarding Sociopaths etc.
Wasn’t sure where to post this…)
LOVE your STORYS!
Right?
Read my profile and enGAGE!
But…..THAT doesn’t always work either…..
ie:
I met MY “soul-mate” online and TALK about enGAGING!
We seemed to “know each other” before we even MET~that’s how enGAGING he was/(is).
I even met him at my place because it was crappy out and my best friend was here and he brought a friend with which made the first meeting SO comfortable!!
(I know, not smart at ALL but it worked out then~Jan. of ’11.)
Fast forward 2 months after he had, in fact, pretty much “moved in” rent free.
(That’s ok….we fell fast and HARD and we were in LOVE!)
He did something so off the wall stupid and I told him, while laughing!, that it had never happen again which it did, the very next night.
I got and I called him out on it, (not CRYing or RANTing or ANYthing) just sat alone in another room for about 10-15 minutes to allow both of us to “chill.”
Went back and he was GONE!
REDFLAGREDFLAGREDFLAG
The next day, he would NOT answer so I went to find him so we could talk about WTF just HAPpened.
(REALLY, it was as menial as saying he put the “reds in with the whites.”)
NOTHING to even think twice about….fix it…DONE……
REDFLAGREDFLAGREDFLAG
It took me NINE hours and a FULL tank of gas to find him (he lives 45 minutes away but he lied about where he was from on the dating site.)
I went to the town he listed and stopped at bars/gas stations, no one heard of his “establishment” (I later found this was ONLY one town away from where he was actually from.)
REDFLAGREDFLAGREDFLAG
The PREvious weekend, we went to his son’s with some people and I THOUGHT I over heard him say where his shop was but AFTER we passed it. (?)
THAT’s all I had to go on!!
I had my sister Google him, I ended up at a house that had the same NAME.
(That, I found out later, was SPELLed without an “H”. (?)
Oh, yeah, HE SOMEtimes did that…ok….
REDFLAGREDFLAGREDFLAG
Finally, got his son’s address/number for me.
No one answered the phone or the door or returned my call.
Can’t BLAME them…they probably were CLUEless he was even SEEing someone….
After 2 months….
REDFLAGREDFLAGREDFLAG
Was just about to turn around and go home, I was in a parking lot.
I looked out the windshield and I saw a creek/bridge to my right and I am NOT kidding, that was his SHOP (the VERY little if any) glimpse I got that day of the bridge was all it took. (?)
I asked the guy from upstairs to call him and he DID, and of course, he answered and was told that I was there.
He said he’d be there in 3 minutes and he was.
And we hugged and went back to my place (45 minutes away…not his right up the street(?)
ANYway….fast forward to now….1 year, 9 months later…
RE-PEATS of the beginning of this POST…..followed by~
RELATE~ABLE (Or so I always THINK or am LED to beLIEVE.)
RAGE
RUN
RECLUSE
REMORSE~LESS
REPEAT REPEAT REPEAT
REDFLAGREDFLAGREDFLAG
SO….be-WARE for the TOO engaging type person.
MY “SOULMATE” IS A SOCIOPATH
Which is exACTly what they want and almost get!! your SOUL!! as they are withOUT.
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I attempted to read this story in its entirety, but half-way through it, I pretty much stayed baffled as to why you think this man is a socipath?!? Because he has a small shop with the name spelled with an “H”, anyway, I know a couple of spaths and what I gathered from your story, if I even “got”what you were trying to say, doesn’t sound like an spath, sounds like he may be living a double life, hence not telling the family about you~
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