Batshit Crazy Part 2

7 Dec

Okay..  just because this is way too funny, I have to share this..   My profile that I changed to make myself appear batshit crazy says exactly this:

“Hi there! Welcome! How are you? I am fine – so please don’t ask me in your message how I am, because now you know.

I am not crazy at all. So you don’t need to worry about that. I am probably the most normal girl you will ever meet.

I am looking for someone to immediately have children with. If you don’t want to stick around for the whole kid part, that’s okay. I just request that you make a lot of money and send weekly child support checks. Please include your profession in your message to me.

A little bit about me: I live in a two bedroom apartment that I share with my adorable 8 cats. I REALLY want babies. I enjoy archery, going to the gun range and going dancing. My picture is from 3 years ago – I don’t really look like that anymore. I have a few tattoos with my ex-boyfriends names. Hopefully this isn’t a dealbreaker. I will add yours to the list if you want. I expect to talk to you once an hour at LEAST, and I need to know what you are doing at all times. I have a few minor trust issues, however I am not damaged.”

To date:  I am still getting messages from people telling me I am pretty, and that they read my profile and I am fascinating, etc.   Which just proves even more that it doesn’t matter WHAT you write if you are a girl..  you’ll be talked to.     As I stated previously, I had one person “call me out”  on it.   This was the message he sent:

“I would never ask you how you’re doing simply because I don’t care!

I would love to knock you up. Having little versions of me running around would be a great honor. Of course I would want to not be asked to participate in any faction of their life, but I would make sure to send the child support check. Well, most of the time anyways. I would fully expect to never pay for a few months here and there. I have my own matieral things that I need to buy. I’m sure you can understand that.

Having wild, if not cannibalistic, sex while being watched and meowed at by so many cats would be so hot, if not even more motivation to get you those kids you want so very very much.

I would love my name tattooed on you. Do I get to pick where?? 

I don’t mind at all that you need to stay in constant communication with me. I would be more than happy to send you text every time I take a dump, or masturbate. Afterall, I would want to make sure that your trust in me was forever earned!

You know, if you wanted to write a profile picking out as many of the “How to lose a Guy in 10 Days” type of style, the LEAST you could have done was said that the first thing you’re going to do is give my penis a girly nickname!

Does “lottery winner” count as a profession?? Just curious.”

I sent back a mere smiley face, because he clearly was the first person to READ my profile and then send a message over, and he knew it was a joke.  He wrote back that he was a little upset that I didn’t send crazy back over.

After a few messages back and forth, and another visit to his profile- I realized this is an old friend of mine who I hadn’t talked to in about 3 years.  (He didn’t recognize me either..)  An old online friend, but nevertheless..  I always tend to bump into people I know.. everywhere I go..  in real life and in fake life.    At least I can say I have always associated people who know how to read.  =)

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