99% Enemy OKCupid Date

28 Jul

So, Velvet here with a guest entry. Because even Crazy Cat Ladies need time to themselves, right??

Cat Lady and I have had an ongoing curiosity about the matchmaking processes and algorithms on OKCupid. One of the things I had always wondered – what would happen if you went on a date with a really high enemy percentage? Would the bar or coffee shop explode? Would lightening bolts cross back and forth between the two OKC enemies until both hearts stopped? Would evil be unleashed upon the country? 

So, throwing risk to the wind, I decided to give it a shot. I scrolled until I found someone LITERALLY 99% my enemy. He didn’t look overly creepy, there were no weapons or leather in any of his pictures, and his profile actually sounded pretty funny and charming. I clicked the “questions” section—holy buckets!! So. Much. Pink. (For those of you not on this site-the answers to the many personality type questions that don’t match the person whose profile you are viewing are highlighted in pink) I don’t there was a single answer that matched. Relationship thoughts, sex, social activities, politics…all pink. Wow.

So-I sent him a message.

“Hi there! I can’t help but notice that we are supposed to be mortal enemies. Want to meet?”

Almost immediately, there was a response. “Sure, what the hell. Want to meet for a beer?”

We exchanged a few messages, laughed about online dating in general, and set up the date. Through the next days, we exchanged more messages. He seemed REALLY nice and funny. What the heck? I thought we were supposed to hate each other. The web site said so. They know everything, right?

So, I show up at the bar the obligatory 10 minutes early, order myself a beer, and begin to panic. All of the normal What-if-he-doesn’t-show-or-I-don’t-recognize-him-or-he’s-an-ax-murderer stuff. You know, typical Friday night online date type stuff.

He shows! He’s ADORABLE. WAY cuter than his pictures. His smile immediately makes my tummy flip. (that’s a good thing) We talked almost non-stop for FIVE HOURS. We swap dating stories. He has a friend writing a book about online dating – I have a friend with a blog. He works in the entertainment industry – I work in a different part of the same industry. He plays guitar – I am hot for musicians!!! We talked about the questions that we have answered so very differently. As it turns out-once we explain the reasons for our answers, they are actually not so very polar opposites. As it happens, he is just way more literal in his interpretation of the answers, where I read into them a bit more. (See Cat Lady’s blog entry about that – yes, I am one of those bat-shit-crazy girls…)

So the date ends with a lingering hug, and mutterings about meeting up again. I get home, and see a message from him. (!!) He tells me that he regrets not kissing me, and he hopes to see me again. I reply that I would welcome the opportunity to kiss him in the future.

And then? Nothing. Nada. No message, no email, no text, no call, no smoke signal. WTH???

Until today. Just shy of a week later. I got the worst email you can get-aside from “You suck and I hate you.”

What did it say? 

“Been busy. How R U?”


4 Responses to “99% Enemy OKCupid Date”

  1. kellig July 29, 2012 at 5:40 pm #

    i think the better email is the “you suck and I hate you” email. at least then you know the guy has some strong feelings about you. even if they aren’t warm and fuzzy. the “been busy. How R U?” is awful. he is so uninterested that he can’t even spell out the words are and you…and really, he’s so busy he didn’t have a single moment where he could drop you this incredibly time consuming novel of an email? nobody wants to work for a relationship anymore. they just want to trip into one. its ridiculous.


  2. kellig July 29, 2012 at 5:41 pm #

    great post btw.


  3. Derp August 31, 2013 at 1:16 am #

    Wicked post girl! Keep cupiding!


  4. Ryan November 28, 2014 at 10:18 am #

    You guys are mortal enemies. He is eternally laid back and you are as strungup as it gets. That is a match from hell because you will always want to be rushing and he will be going with the flow…

    Liked by 2 people

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