Insults and Begging are SEXY.

A post from Velvet:

Ok, so you remember the message where the sender called me a “dickweed delinquent”? If not, go back and refresh your memory. You back?  Okay – here we are, about 2 weeks later:

“Can we still be OK? This is not a real form of knowing anyone, it is just passing notes in Jr High.”

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I didn’t respond. I just didn’t care that much, and I didn’t yet see the humor factor. Just wait…    Another message rolled in:

“I am at your feet. Oh Guru in the sky, tell me where I went wrong. What did I do to hurt you so???I am a fool and a great fire god on the mountain.  Show me the error of my ways.”

Wait- He’s a fool AND a fire god??

“Really?? You called me names in your strange and confusing message…and proclaimed me winner of the Marko Lotto?? I am all for witty and goofball-odd messages, but yours was insulting and mean.”

“So sorry. Chalk it up to me being an idiot, I admit it and there is an, “I am so sorry”, attached to it. I so did not mean in any way to offend you” [so you meant dickweed delinquent in a good way??] “That was a huge mistake and you seem to be a seriously genuine person. [I am pretty awesome] Can we start over? I would very much like that.”

“So let me lay it out for you… Unlike you, I use these beginning messages as a way to decide if there is enough about a person to interest me in meeting them face to face. You are right-these messages are passing notes in junior high. But before I agree to meet you under the bridge after school, there has to be a reason why I want to know you. Right now I am neutral to a bit negative. If you think you can change that-go to it. I accept your apology.”

*

I responded because I had a dying curiosity as to how he would bounce back from this.  Two days pass. Yes, he has been online in those 3 days, and I admit I was kind of sad that I wasn’t going to get any wackadoodle messages, so—

“*chuckle* Am I to assume you aren’t up to the challenge? Hmmm…”

“Um, let me begin… Why might you do that? Is this to entrance or inflame me?” [definitely wanted to inflame you, dude. This is funny stuff!] “We might be a great team or hate each other/Who is to know what the future may bring. If I was in Jr High and you sent me that note, I would have Nelson kick the shit out of you.” [What????] “Be quiet your tongue” [oh no you DIDN’T!!] “and be a real person. That was crap, or if you have the guts to stand up and be civilized, I of course would welcome you.” [oh goodie!!] “If this is typical passive/aggressive Nordic discourse, please walk along. If you really want something you should do the hard work.” [didn’t I tell him I was neutral to negative? I DON’T really want something here…] “Try to be good, try to be real, and not the crap show you are fronting.”

Okay, I should have let this drop. But it is just too funny… So:

“Not at all… you asked if we could be ok, and apologized for your insult. I accepted your apology and said it was up to you if you wanted to show me something non-insulting to see if a meetup could happen.” [or to laugh at you. Jury is still out…] “When you didn’t respond to that, I was curious if you didn’t feel you had anything other than insults to offer. I guess based on your response, I have my answer! I will take my attention elsewhere, lest I get my ass kicked by this “Nelson” you speak of. Best of luck to you!!”

“Ok. We need to hit the “RESET” button. We both are verbose” [yeah, but I make sense and you are a wack job] “and we both know how to defend ourselves. Do either of us know how to do that other thing I hear whispered in the darkest alleys at night, like um, caring about our fellow human friends and nurturing their accomplishments dreams and hopes??!! F*ck that. Ok I had to put that in there, hard core.” [wtf??] “Life is super busy and things and stuff. Next week would be better.”

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Part of me is really tempted to reply. You just can’t make this stuff up, folks… Yeah, I will probably send another message. I’ll keep you all posted!