My Hot Date with a Doctor

11 Dec

Best to familiarize yourself with this gem before reading further.

Despite every part of my soul wanting to reschedule this appointment with a different doctor – I decided to keep it, because I had a suspicion this could make for a good story.

Now, before I get any further – in case any of my male readers don’t fully understand what happens at the gynecologist, and why I was now even more mortified to go..  Allow me to explain.   Every year, us girls go in for our annual “physical”   which consists of talking to our doctor, donning a paper robe and putting our feet up in stirrups so the doctor can take a good look at the plumbing.   And by “a good look”  I mean so much as to put a metal clamp up there,  open it up, scrap the insides with a long toothpick and also take a feel around.  While you might think this could be a pleasant experience – I assure you, it’s not.  We also have to whip the girls out and doc feels around to make sure there are no questionable lumps, etc.

I wasn’t quite sure what I was going to say at this appointment..  but,  luckily I am quick on my feet.

“So, CatLady,  are you sexually active?”  (This is a normal question..)

“Well, I’m no porn star.”

That comment caught him off guard, and he asked what I meant.

“Oh, sorry..  Just a joke.  I’m trying the whole ‘online dating’ thing and a guy sent me a message about a week ago asking me if I was a porn star.”  And then I raised my eyebrow, with a smile, of course.

His face immediately turned a color red that I have never seen before.

“Oh.. well.. That’s…… awkward.”

“Yeah, it was.  I think he’s a doctor, tooBut, no.. no new sexual partners to report..  I’m not a porn star.”

“Okay.   I will leave the room while you undress.  Hop up on the table when you are ready and I will be back momentarily.”

I undressed,  put on my paper gown and sat on the table.  Per the usual,  there was some waiting around, and I started planning my next move to make Dr. Dumbass as uncomfortable as possible.   There was a knock at the door, and a female doctor came it.

“Hi, CatLady.   Dr. Dumbass had a phone call he needed to take, and asked me to take care of your examination today.”

Hahaha!!  Of course he did..  The new doctor was very nice, and she even told me that Dr. Dumbass mentioned that I was trying online dating.  Fighting back laughter, she told me that she’s glad I haven’t reached porn star status.  I have a feeling she isn’t going to let him live this down anytime soon.

Oh well, I was going to tell him that it was high time we see other people anyway.

7 Responses to “My Hot Date with a Doctor”

  1. Jenn December 11, 2012 at 4:31 am #

    Amazing! You’re my hero


  2. Greg Hindman (@ThePinkPhantom) December 11, 2012 at 6:59 am #

    CatLady, even though you’re female, you have the biggest balls ever.


  3. Belle Vierge December 11, 2012 at 2:36 pm #

    Thank you, thank you, thank YOU for enduring that on behalf of all your readers everywhere.


  4. PopePhilly (@PopePhilly) December 12, 2012 at 12:29 am #

    My hero!


  5. sofreespirit80 December 12, 2012 at 12:35 am #

    Oh my god!! That has to be one of the funniest things I have read in a long time! Kudos to you for that!


  6. Alexandrea Lee January 10, 2013 at 5:16 pm #

    This is my new favourite blog.. Your wit is very much appreciated, and you’re very brave for still going to the appointment! Not sure if I would have, but then again, I do love to see the shock on someone’s face when they’ve been caught on something they can’t explain away!



  7. Sun March 6, 2014 at 6:35 am #

    I’m at a lost. Asking if you’re sexually active is a normal thing.


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