Your Online Dating Profile Sucks.

20 Jul

Hey.. you.  Yes, you.. the one reading this.  Your online dating profile sucks.

As a female who has viewed many an online dating profile, let me be the first to tell you that I am 95% sure that your profile is boring.   Do any of these sound familiar?

You hate writing about yourself.

You’re kind of a nerd about some things.

You like going out, but you are also content with staying in sometimes.

You’re looking for a “partner-in-crime.”

You love to laugh and have fun.  (Someone PLEASE find me the person that does not!)

What you’re doing with your life:  Living it.

You can’t live without:  Air, Food and Water.

You should message me if:  You want to know more.

If you have even ONE of those on your profile..  your profile is one of the thousands.

I’m going to tell you a secret… If you can be true to yourself, and stand out in your profile, you will be much more successful, even if you aren’t smoking hot.  I can’t tell you how you should do that as I don’t know you personally.. however, I will show you a POF profile I came across that stood out to me:


“Reviews of [Name] gathered from the internet and microfiche:

“Would date again! Not only was he helpful and caring, but he smelled amazing 87% of the time!”

“The epitome of what a man should be – without the spare tire!”

“I have never had such incredible experiences, and I’m an astronaut.”

“His hands are strong and bracing, as is his jawline. Impressive.”

“His bear wrestling skills are unparrelled.”

“So what if he can’t grow connecting sideburns, have you seen that head of hair?!”

“Je voudrais qu’il aurait choisi moi de porter ses enfants.”

“He fixed my broken heart, and my sink!”

“…. … ….. … ……” (Speechless)


FIRST DATE:  Three words: Pudding. Waterslide. Kiddiepool. Lets do this.”

This guy could possibly be the biggest tool on the planet, and I don’t even care.  He’s hilarious and fun.. I have very minimal information about him (Has good hair, likely speaks French, can fix things, probably has good hygiene) and I would totally meet up with him.

Like I said before, you can’t just copy this.. you need to do something that suits your own personality.   So, change it up and send me a link!    Let’s make online dating less boring!

9 Responses to “Your Online Dating Profile Sucks.”

  1. LDN July 20, 2013 at 10:13 am #

    I’ve just double-checked mine and I’m quite proud to say that, while I may not be as funny and the bear wrestling, French speaking fella, it contains none of the pitfalls. Where do I collect my prize? 😀


    • atrandom37 July 22, 2013 at 1:38 am #

      Shame, cos I’m in the market for a bear wrestler.


      • LDN July 22, 2013 at 6:04 am #

        Get Cat Lady to put you in touch. Hers even speaks French.


      • atrandom37 July 22, 2013 at 11:45 am #

        Ooh, I don’t know about the French…hehe.


  2. mugs11 July 20, 2013 at 2:26 pm #

    you still have to be careful. i talked to a guy simply because his profile was really funny and he turned out to be a complete tool. found him on cheaterville and later saw he was arrested for domestic violence


    • Soon2BeCatLady July 20, 2013 at 9:50 pm #

      That’s what guns and google voice numbers are for.. but, there are no plans to meet this individual at this point.


  3. atrandom37 July 22, 2013 at 1:36 am #

    Today I came across a profile that had one sentence and a foto of a white Mercedes E Class and nothing more: “Suffolk County police officer seeking his partner in crime”. Sounds like a flippin oxymoron to me. Nitwit!


  4. girlseule July 27, 2013 at 1:36 am #

    It’s interesting how people put in no effort just one line “If you want to no just ask” and still managed to write no instead of know!
    My favourites are the women-haters “so it seems most women on here are spoiled princess bitches blah blah blah!”
    Online dating is a funny old world.


  5. Chin Up, Chest High! July 31, 2013 at 3:27 pm #

    I feel your pain and I’m a male. All of the above complaints are in most women’s profiles too. Beggars belief that anybody (male or female) can think that they are going to stand out with such banal stock phrases.

    I guess the one thing you won’t have to put up with though is being told how much they love their cat(s)!


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