Are You a 13-year-old Boy?

23 May

I have mentioned before that I work once a week in retail at a niche store for the discount.  Without getting into specifics, because I’m not a fan of stalkers, the product comes in large tins.   This is important to the story.

Last weekend, a group of 13 year old boys came in to the store.  For those of you that don’t know:  13 year old boys are pains in the ass, and I strongly believe we should lock them in a cage until it’s proven they can be appropriate in public.

I have figured it out –  most of my online suitors are like un-chaperoned 13 year old boys.

When they were in the store, the employees working were pawning them off to one another – because we all knew they weren’t going to buy anything and didn’t want to deal with them.  One of the children asked a question, and a co-worker of mine said, “Oh – CatLady will show you over there.”  (Asshole.)

“I would LOVE to show you how that works!”  I said as I grabbed two large tins, and he approached the counter.   As I was bringing them over, the delightful 13 year old boy proclaimed, “Wow, those are big jugs!”  Much like the similar-minded online dating suitors, I took him by surprise when without a beat I responded “Thank you!” 

My co-workers couldn’t contain themselves, and the 13 year old boy seemed surprised that an old bag such as myself understood his clearly disguised remark.  He turned his back to me, and his friends would not make eye contact with me.   This was seriously what I go through online constantly, except it happened in real life — and he was THIRTEEN.  (For the record, I did demand he turn his ass around and listen to the answer to his question..  but they left very quickly after that.)

Maybe next time before sending your creepy message out to a girl, think about whether or not you’d say it to her face.  If you wouldn’t – don’t send it.

Don’t be a 13 year old boy —  13 year old boys don’t get laid.

5 Responses to “Are You a 13-year-old Boy?”

  1. John Callaghan May 23, 2014 at 2:45 am #

    When I was thirteen I probably should have been gang raped by a pack of wolves.

    Like

  2. Blossom Brouillard May 23, 2014 at 5:58 am #

    Frankly, I find 13 year old boys considerably more palatable then the douchebags who say “I’m looking for some adult fun. You look like a lot of fun to me!” Ya fuck off buddy.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. butimbeautiful May 27, 2014 at 9:50 am #

    Men! But yeah, little boys are worse.

    Like

  4. dimebone May 29, 2014 at 10:00 pm #

    We are all 13-year-old trolls on the internet sooner or later. The internet has a way of encouraging concrete operational thinking. Impaired impulse control? The freedom of anonymity? I am sure there is a syndrome that describes this, probably named after a Viennese neurologist.

    Like

  5. Peeksi August 5, 2014 at 4:23 pm #

    This is such a disheartening issue with online dating. Though, you do make your interactions entertaining!

    An excellent piece of advice we’ve also given before: if you can’t say it to the person’s face with your mom standing next to you listening intently to every word, you need to rethink it!

    Like

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