Tag Archives: boys are cavemen

Scaring Them Straight!

20 Oct

prisonmike

As a woman on the internet, I get a lot of messages that are very complimentary towards me.  Sometimes I “have an awesome profile” and other times I’m “gorgeous.”  I always feel it necessary to send, at very least, a thank you.  It’s nice when someone goes out of their way to compliment you.

“You’re gorgeous”

“Aww, thank you!”

“You’re welcome. :-)”

 

We very well could have ended our conversation here.  That was certainly my intent.  But, something inspired him to write again:

“I wish I could bury my face between your legs”

 

WHY DO MEN FIND THIS ACCEPTABLE TO SEND TO A WOMAN!?!?!?!?  I assume the mindset is “I’d love it if a woman told me she wanted to spend some time between my legs.”   Most of us females don’t find that a turn-on from a complete stranger.  (Or even not complete strangers.)  I’m going to encourage you NOT to send that type of message to someone on the internet.

I wasn’t quite sure how to respond to this.  I could have ignored it, but then the blog wouldn’t be as entertaining.

“I have a court order against using men’s heads as a thigh master.  I’m NOT going back to prison!”

“Lmao”

“Love the humor though”

 

All I can think of now is Prison Mike, from “The Office.”

Making Decisions For Others

25 Aug

If you follow me on Twitter, or listen to any of my podcasts – you likely know I’ve been busy with relatives from overseas.  But, online dating doesn’t wait around if you have family visiting, so I decided the blog shouldn’t wait either!

First and most importantly – DatingAdvice.com wrote up probably the nicest thing anyone has ever written about me.  They are a website dedicated to all topics regarding dating and relationships, and I’d highly recommend checking them out.  (Especially what they wrote about me!  http://www.datingadvice.com/online-dating/soon2becatlady-hilarious-online-dating-blog  — and ESPECIALLY before reading the following online dating interaction.  I enjoy proof in the pudding that I honestly think online dating is fun, and I’m really not pessimistic about it.  Don’t let the lines on the screen fool you!!)

My message for you today is DON’T MAKE DECISIONS FOR PEOPLE YOU DON’T KNOW!

Continue reading

A Very Intimate Question

7 Jun

I understand that the protection of the computer screen makes it easier to say terrible things to people, as you don’t get to see their reaction.  But, these guys have their faces, and names attached to this!  No shame, whatsoever.  5 years later and it still floors me.

“Can I ask you a very intimate question?”

“I don’t know.  Can you?”

I believe he meant “May I..”

Continue reading

I Have An Answer For Everything!

23 May

I don’t really have much commentary for this one.

“Sex?”

“Female.”

“Cum”

“Can not compute.”

(Hehehe!! Beep beep boop,  I am a robot!)

“I want you”

“I am not for sale.”

“Grr”

“Ribbit!”

He gave up after that one.

ALWAYS Use Protection!

7 Apr

Today I present to you, my dear reader, a fun CatLady fact. On a random whim six months ago, I went to the optometrist. I hadn’t had my “Disney Eyes” checked since grade school, and was about to sign up for insurance and wondered if I should purchase vision coverage. (Oh Adulthood, you’re so fun!) I assumed I still had perfect vision, but when I was asked to read the letters on the wall with my left eye – my soul was crushed. I am now the proud owner of way more pairs of nerdy glasses than I’d ever be willing to admit. (Most women like shoes. I hate shoes. But give me ALL OF THE NERDY GLASSES!) This is necessary information for today’s online dating horror story. By the way, this post is NC-17.

As much as I would like to, I just can’t take Tinder seriously.

Continue reading

Life is Short, Bang a Stranger!

26 Mar

Aside from the constant reminder that you’re single, I think one of the problems with dating apps is that it seems to indicate that you are using the app, if you are so much as using your phone for anything else.  Last Friday, to try to soften the blow of not having a date, I went to the casino with my mom and brother.  We are skilled enough gamblers that we ended up being there for a long time before our money ran out.  I got home at 2:00AM on Saturday.   I set the alarm on my phone to not waste away my weekend, and “BEEP!”  New message from 26 year old looking for love:

“Hey looking for a late night fling”

Continue reading

CatLady – the Evil Hearted Elitist Age Snob

8 Mar

I sometimes get slack for not giving some guys a fair shot.   If you are one of  “those” types, I am going to suggest you not read this one. Not only was this guy too young for my comfort level, (He is 26.  Yes, I’m an age snob, I get it.)  but he also had absolutely ZERO information on his profile.  He had a very unflattering photo, and I think his grammar speaks for itself.

Continue reading

Cougar Town

26 Feb

You want to know the absolute BEST way for a young woman of only 31 years to start her day?

By getting THIS online dating message:

Continue reading

Tasty Pussy

8 Jul

photolibrary_rm_photo_of_cat_licking_chops

I feel bad for any future sons that I may have.  I’m pretty sure “Mama CatLady” is going to sit down with them after high school graduation and discuss what is appropriate and not appropriate to discuss with complete strangers.  I think it’s safe to assume that this 27 year old’s mother (and many other mothers out there..) never did that:

“I bet you have a tasty pussy.”

There were oh-so many places I could go with this..

Continue reading

Play By The Tinder Rules

23 Mar

Tinder Match!Apparently there are Tinder rules that I have not been following..

“Hey CatLady, we matched.  What do we do now?  I think we are supposed to hook up?”

“I thought we were supposed to get married.”

“Let’s fuck first.”

Classy..

“Nah.”

“This is a hookup site you know??”

“Actually, it’s a dating app.  And – even if you were accurate, that doesn’t mean I’m required to hook up with you.”

“It actually is a requirement that you hookup.”

Damn.. Makes me regret swiping right for EVERYONE. — I did contemplate telling him that I am one of the founders of Tinder, and that he is incorrect.. but decided against it.

“Oh.. Well, you’ll have to wait in line then.  You’re number 2549.”

“You are not following the rules, please hookup with me?”

“If you’re still semi-attractive in 7 years after I’ve hooked up with those ahead of you, I’ll let you know.”

“I’m reporting you”

“Okay.”

So, sounds like I’m gonna be busy for the next 7 years..  Or be a rebellious rule-breaker.