Girls Strike Out, Too.

26 Oct

I often have a lot of men complaining to me that women never take the initiative and send the first message in online dating.   I’m not here to say that we should or shouldn’t, but if I find someone I think I might like –  I am not shy to send a message.  You really have nothing to lose but a few minutes, if that.

I found a profile of someone in the area, in my age range, who is attractive, seems fun and that he has his ducks in a row.. and he mentions his adoration for Phil Collins more than once.  (Which could very easily be sarcasm.. but if you list it once, it’s fair game in a message.)

I sent him a note.  I won’t post it because it would make his profile easily find-able.  I asked him about something Phil Collins that he referenced on his profile, and gave it a few days.  Clearly he would see that I’m his future bride.

Nothing.   So, I did what any sensible girl would do..  I sent one last attempt:

“How could I just let you walk away?  .. Just let you leave without a trace?”

It clearly wasn’t meant to be if he didn’t find that hilarious.  Oh well.

17 Responses to “Girls Strike Out, Too.”

  1. dunkirkstreet October 26, 2014 at 6:23 pm #

    While your post rings true, I wonder what else this guy had in his profile besides Phil Collins that prompted you to send a message.

    While I’m sure there are some women who will message a man first, men by and large need to send the lion’s share of mail in order to get a response. No matter how well composed a guy’s profile/message is, it doesn’t mean he will get a note back. Frankly I’m shocked that guy didn’t reply to you. Perhaps he doesn’t log in very often or is one of the few experiencing a glut of messages! ; )

    There is also a trend among some women who say they won’t respond to a poorly written profile (even though their’s are just as substandard) or a salicious message. Fair enough. But I’m sure the opposite is true where some women hear from a few men who buck that tired trend. Sadly, these ladies rarely to want to discuss why sane out-of-the-box guys don’t warrant a response or even discussion in any forum (and the guy had his shirt on in the picture too!). Just saying.


  2. Ann St. Vincent October 26, 2014 at 6:46 pm #

    If he didn’t respond to your very witty closure, he’s definitely not worth it!!


    • dunkirkstreet October 26, 2014 at 7:11 pm #

      Yes the close was very witty. Unfortunatley, dry wit does not translate well online for some. Depends on the state of mind of the receiver. And if this guy is a hardcore fan of Phil Collins’ solo work, then its safe to assume relationship hurt is at the core of his psyche. Some of us just “don’t care anymore” and get on with life. ; )

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Ann St. Vincent October 26, 2014 at 6:47 pm #

    ^^ closer…darn iphone!


  4. Dating Fresh October 26, 2014 at 8:03 pm #

    I’m with you- frequently messaged men I thought I might be interested in. I’d report about a 75% response rate, it wasn’t unusual for a guy not to respond. Sounds like he missed out 😉


    • dunkirkstreet October 26, 2014 at 8:15 pm #

      A 75% response rate for a woman who actively messages men is very good. However the response percentage is significantly lower for men who put in the same amount of effort. Why that is has been up for eternal debate! You have to really wonder about the law of averages sometimes.


      • Soon2BeCatLady October 26, 2014 at 8:46 pm #

        I would say I have a 10% response rate when I message out.


  5. Carol Balawyder October 26, 2014 at 9:01 pm #

    A simple response would have shown some class. And as for the Phil Collins fan…he could have at least sent a smiley. 🙂


    • dunkirkstreet October 27, 2014 at 10:37 am #

      @Soon2BeCatLady: Ten percent is low….and that’s a surprise from me based on what I know about you so far. Any theories? We all know people can be really picky when it comes to what a potential date/mate should look like….and that’s regardless of the content of the profile.


      • Soon2BeCatLady October 27, 2014 at 11:56 am #

        Oh goodness.. It could be anything. You can’t take not hearing back to heart, or you’ll have a rough life.
        Not everyone can handle the epic-ness of CatLady.


  6. noyoupay October 26, 2014 at 10:43 pm #

    I think that was brilliant! I totally would have responded.


  7. thebitterlemon October 28, 2014 at 7:43 pm #

    I am using Ok Cupid, and whenever I meet a guy, they always say the same thing, that girls usually don’t message them first. When I’m interested, I usually send a message, because like you, I don’t have anything to lose at this point. Sometimes i get a reply, sometimes not. But what’s funny is, if a guy sends me a message that I don’t respond to within 5 hours, i get a second message with something rude, like, “Oh nevermind, you seem like a whore anyway and I’m married.” Um, and WE are the crazy ones?


  8. Joe November 2, 2014 at 2:06 am #

    It’s very unfortunate that you didn’t get a reply to your message. I understand, because I have to go through this process a lot. At a certain point we all get too old for games. I’m 32 and some days I honestly feel like giving up.

    Lots of people complain about the unrealistic body standards women have to live up to but silence on the high ideals of masculinity that men are expected to possess.

    It’s actually funny that when you said you got a 10% response rate, I was thinking that’s pretty good. If I got 10% response rate that would double my responses.

    I got a message the other day from a woman who sent me a message with career advice. While I really appreciate the advice, not really what I’m looking for on a dating site.

    Not really sure how to interpret that. Is that a suble way of saying that I’m undatable and should focus on my career? Is it a suble way of saying that the money I make is the only thing I can bring to the dating table? Genuine unsolicited advice? Seriously, who gives career advice on a dating site?


    • Soon2BeCatLady November 2, 2014 at 2:56 am #

      Why don’t you ask her?


      • Joe November 3, 2014 at 6:45 pm #

        I want to ask but I fear that if it’s genuine advice I would come across as ungrateful.

        Even if it isn’t genuine advice I believe she still might be offended if I asked “what’s up with the unsolicited advice”?


      • Soon2BeCatLady November 3, 2014 at 6:51 pm #

        If you don’t plan on meeting her – who cares? Or maybe ask it like “Thanks for the advice.. Mind if I ask what prompted it, as this is OKCupid, not LinkedIn?

        Liked by 1 person

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