Wait Time

21 Aug

This came up because of two messages I got on POF the other day…  but, how long are you supposed to wait to hear back from someone you’ve messaged before deciding to cut your losses?

This guy, for instance.. not very patient..  He first sent:

“Hello beautiful….”

..and when I didn’t respond TWO HOURS LATER, he sent:

“Guess not…lol :-)”

Geez – sorry for not living, eating and breathing POF..  He wasn’t too far off though,  as you all know, I don’t respond to that sort of stuff.  (Guys, girls get 30 messages a day that say exactly “Hello beautiful..”  or “How are you tonight?”   Unless we don’t have a life – don’t expect a response unless you are the most attractive man on the planet.. (i.e Super Hot POF Guy.. who is even hotter in person, for the record..))

But – nevertheless, this got me thinking.  I had been chatting with another friend and he gives girls a week to respond to his message before moving on.  A WEEK!?   Dude.. if I am going to message someone back, it will usually be within a day.  Maybe two if I am super busy.   In the unofficial Twitter poll I took today,  1 – 2 days was about par for the course in how long it takes people to respond.

A few people did mention though that they wait as to not seem overeager. This absolutely boggles my mind..  You’re on a website to meet people, and you don’t respond right away because you don’t want to scare someone off?  Wouldn’t that be the equivalent of going to a bar.. and when a cute girl asks you a question, walking away to return a half hour later to see if she still wants to talk?  I’m so confused.

Additionally – is this why I am going to turn into a crazy cat lady.. because I am too eager?   Honestly – I would say I generally message back within 5 hours.. usually right upon receipt, if I am going to.   If I have been online and it’s been 24 hours,  I am probably not going to respond.

Let’s discuss, interwebs.  I know there are “rules” for waiting to call and all that nonsense.. are there really rules for how long it should take you to write back to an online dating message?!

4 Responses to “Wait Time”

  1. s4m4nth4x August 21, 2012 at 2:58 am #

    I don’t have access to OKCupid at work, and only limited access to personal email – And I don’t have my phone attached to my hand. So, if I see a message and I have something to say, I just… Respond. Sometimes it’s an hour after they wrote, sometimes a day.

    If I don’t respond right away, and the new message icon goes away, I will, inevitably, forget about the message. So I don’t play games. If I want to reply, I do. If not, I delete.

    This not wanting to seem desperate thing never entered my mind.


  2. Velvet August 21, 2012 at 3:22 am #

    I respond as soon as I get a chance. I check for messages at least once a day, unless I am super busy with something out of the ordinary. So, usually someone gets a response within a day of them sending it to me. That being said, OKC has been known to show someone as “currently online” ALL THE TIME. So if someone sends me a message, and they wait for two hours of me supposedly sitting there on the interweb just staring at my profile, they may think they are being given a hint.
    And for the record, I do respond to “Hey beautiful” if I check their profile and they seem funny/awesome/cool. And then I regret it. Every. Single. Time.


  3. Belle Vierge August 21, 2012 at 5:36 pm #

    I replied to your informal twitter poll with 1-2 days, usually, but I just want your readers to know this. When a guy has taken the time to write me an amazing message, I want to devote the time to write an adequate reply. I’m usually very busy, and pre-boyfriend, I was either “gallivanting across Europe” busy or “working my ass off at an internship by day, drinking with friends every night” busy. It took me two days last summer to reply to the man who is now my boyfriend, and I ended my reply with a P.S., explaining I usually didn’t reply so promptly.

    In a nutshell, if someone seems really cool and very social, s/he might need more than two days to reply with a clever, well-written response. Each message I wrote to the now-boyfriend took an hour plus to compose… But clearly it was worth the effort. 😉


  4. Tae September 22, 2012 at 1:13 am #

    I agree – I tend to reply straight away – usually within a day or two. However… don’t forget that sometimes people are away on holidays, or slammed at work or otherwise occupied for a week or more at a time. There are also plenty of people that have decided that personal email is for weekends only – it’s a “getting things done” kind of approach to the deluge of information in this day and age – not necessarily and indication of their interest (or lack thereof).


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