Did You Just Call Me Fat?

18 May

This has been weighing (no pun intended) on my mind the past few days.. so I figured I best get it out there.   This one, in particular, is for my female readers.

I had #31 and his roommate over the other day for some grilling and a bonfire.  When I asked him if he was going to be bringing the meat, he replied with “a big slab, naturally.”   Overall, good times were had.

But – while grilling, #31 said to me, “This is kind of awkward, and I never know how to bring this stuff up..”  I raised my eyebrow, and he continued, “You’ve lost some weight.”  Indeed, I have been shedding a few pounds by watching what I eat, and working out.. so I responded a “Heck yeah!” and we high-fived.. and I then proceed to ask why that was awkward to bring up.

Both #31 and his roommate said that girls get offended when they have mentioned weight loss before.   I understood what they meant right away by playfully saying “OMG, are you trying to say I used to be FAT?!”  .. because I KNOW that’s what girls say.

Ladies –  What is wrong with you (us)?  If a guy has noticed you have lost weight, say THANK YOU..  It’s a compliment.  I am going to speak on behalf of the guys (and Guys: If I am wrong, feel free to comment..)  and tell you that this means you look good, and your hard work is paying off (if you are attempting to lose weight).  It does not mean “Wow, I used to think you looked like a cow.”

I understand that if you haven’t been trying to lose weight, or haven’t lost weight, and someone tells you this that it kind of throws you for a loop.  Can we not read into it, though, and give people the benefit of the doubt?   People are going to stop complimenting if they get attacked when they do so..  so take a deep breath, eat some chocolate and drink some wine.

Oooh… chocolate and wine…  Gotta go!

6 Responses to “Did You Just Call Me Fat?”

  1. Belle Vierge May 18, 2013 at 3:28 am #

    I realize my perspective applies to the minority of people out there, but as someone who can attribute most loss to being sick, I HATE when people fawn over me for being skinny. If it were a casual acquaintance at work or something, fine, but I tell basically anyone who knows me for longer than three days that I have Crohn’s disease. I try to make it background info that everyone just knows about me, like knowing that I love Taylor Swift, or that I speak French, or whatever, so that when I’m sick, people get it. And I lost weight because I was nauseous for four weeks and couldn’t eat anything except a bit of tea and some dry cereal. Weight that I can’t put back on. And everyone continues to tell me how skinny and hot I look. Everyone who KNOWS I have Crohn’s and a side effect of Crohn’s is weight loss!

    Sorry this is a little ranty, but I see this scenario described all the time, and all I can think about are my own experiences + those of my friends who are recovering from EDs. IMHO, people are a lot safer with the good ol’ “Have you been working out?” or the vague “Something looks different about you…” which gives the freshly-thin person a chance to elaborate.

    Like

    • Soon2BeCatLady May 18, 2013 at 3:34 am #

      Of course, illness is a different topic all together. But, even in that case, someone is telling you that you look good – it’s still a compliment.
      In my early twenties, I was ill as well and looked damn near anorexic.. but I was definitely more hurt/offended by “You need to GAIN weight, you are TOO thin” because that was what I was trying to do at the time, and was failing miserably. (“Luckily” after a couple years, the pounds had ZERO problem returning.)

      Like

  2. Kathleen May 18, 2013 at 3:34 am #

    I don’t mind when I guy friend says to me that it looks like I’ve lost some weight and look great! I do take it as a complement. I can’t stand when they say “not that there was anything wrong with you before.”

    I agree with you, @soon2becatlady. Take it as a complement.

    Like

  3. Chin Up, Chest High! May 20, 2013 at 7:15 am #

    and tell you that this means you look good, and your hard work is paying off (if you are attempting to lose weight). It does not mean “Wow, I used to think you looked like a cow.”

    No, you’re right. I’m male and generally it means “you looked great before but now you look fantastic” Some people are just looking to take offence in everything by suggesting otherwise.

    Like

  4. PopePhilly (@PopePhilly) May 20, 2013 at 6:48 pm #

    I like to throw out a quick, “Oh, so I was fat before?!?!” at my best friend (a guy) because we have that type of relationship where we actively try to give one another a hard time. Granted, he also knows I’ve been trying to lose weight because I text him whenever I hit some big milestone.

    Anyway, I 100% agree with you. My favorite compliment was a friend of mine saying, “Where ddid the rest of you go?”

    Like

    • Chin Up, Chest High! May 21, 2013 at 6:05 pm #

      Somebody said something similar to me late last year “don’t turn sideways as you’ll disappear” 😀

      Like

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