Punctuation Implied

26 Dec

While I am sorry in advance for what you’re about to read, please know that I wouldn’t put you through this if I didn’t think it was worth it.

“Hey I am Chris you have a great smile I love your hair very pretty eyes cute face I am 29 as of dec 4th I have 2 cats im athletic 6ft 1 I love the outdoors I have my own apartment honesty trust and loyalty are important to me when it comes to friendship or relationship sorry im a little shy because of what happened the last time i was on this site but anyways I hope your having a wonderful day and weekend if I knew where you were I would send you flowers on a silver platter with a special note (Would the special note have punctuation?  If so, I might take you up on that.)  but for now id love to be your friend and get to know you and provide you with a great guy in your life for a change (Uhh, excuse me.. All of the guys in my life are great.  How dare you?!)  even if we never become more than just friends I will be the best friend I can be and someone you can turn to for help or if your feeling down well I hope you get this ad I hope to hear from you soon :)”

“Goodness.  What happened last time?”

Yes, that is what I got from that hot mess of a message.

“you stopped replying for some reason im excited to get to know you better so whats your number so we can text and I will end you some pics as well ??”

Oh my God, he knows what a question mark is!!

“I’m confused, we’ve never messaged before.”

“thought you did why did you ask what happened before then?”

“You said you were shy because of what happened last time you were on this site.  Haven’t you read your form letter in awhile?”

“oh yes I dated this girl on here for 3 months until she was comfortable enough to tell me where she lived once I found out I decided to show up to her house one day without her knowing to surprise her so I go to her house and knock on the door and a guy answered so i said hey can you get your sister for me tell her her boyfriend is here apparently he was dating her and she didn’t tell me she also didn’t tell him about me so he said yeah holdon i heard arguing and after a bit he opened the door and stabbed me and told me to stay away from his gf so ever sence then ive bee skeptical about this site and the girls that use it”

For those that read better with punctuation:   He chatted with a girl online for 3 months, and then showed up to her place unannounced. He thought her boyfriend, who answered the door, was her brother, and then was allegedly stabbed.  He is now skeptical of online dating.

“Wow.  That’s… something.  Sorry to hear that.”

I mean, what do you even say to that?   I’m sure that he didn’t want to hear that I thought he was the psycho for showing up to her place.

“oh its ok your not a killer are you lol jk”

“You never can tell these days.”

“true now that we are this far what are you looking for we can be friends but meeting you would be important to me?”

“I would not be comfortable with that.”

“ok so whats your number so i can text you?”

“I’m not giving you my number.”

“you mean not yet?”

I can say with confidence that I mean not ever.  I’d rather take a boatload of cats.

9 Responses to “Punctuation Implied”

  1. toldating December 26, 2015 at 10:25 am #

    Block. Immediately block. Goodbye Chris.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Zen Single December 26, 2015 at 3:14 pm #

    so awful. totally agree with the previous person who commented, def block immediately if not sooner.


  3. Liz December 26, 2015 at 4:55 pm #

    Holy hell this was funny to read. You’re super funny. I hope you stay single foreverrrrrrrr, so you write things like this for us. =D


    • Soon2BeCatLady December 26, 2015 at 4:56 pm #

      Haha.. Hey now! I’m sure I could write funny things about marriage and parenthood, too!


      • Ricardo December 29, 2015 at 5:50 pm #

        Or you could write about about cat-ownership! You might be great at it.

        More on-topic though, this guy comes off as a version of the “nice guy” trope, aiming for friendship (I don’t believe it) and being very much unaware of what is and isn’t considered normal. Turning up at someone’s home is super creepy and he doesn’t seem to realize it.


      • christopherscott3 December 31, 2015 at 11:04 pm #

        Yes, you have a great sense of humor and I would be willing to bet you could write some rather humorous anecdotes about marriage and parenthood. Care to find out? Wow! Where did that come from I wonder? (Notice that not only did I use punctuation, I did not use a prepositional phrase to end that sentence as most would have with the word from…)

        Are you going to post another poem this year about being alone and the burning in your loins?

        Ok, now I sound almost as creepy as Chris; at least I don’t know where you live…

        (The above exchange was an attempt at humor. No actual proposal at marriage, the making or the practice at making children should be inferred by this message. We now return you to your regularly scheduled reading of other more witty and important replies.)

        Happy New Year!

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Peanut butter January 15, 2016 at 2:14 am #

    Wow this guy got stabbed and found it no problem to ask for phone number and wants to meet you as its important for him, somehow the stabbing wasn’t that important as he now wants to move onto you, sounds like a scene from bates motel. You need humour if these are the actually guys available to date. Could be worse his name could have been Norman lol

    Liked by 1 person

  5. LOZZA March 15, 2016 at 12:14 pm #

    hello catladay. MEOOOOOWWWWWWWW!!! you rawellly dont like ppl wivout punc baby! how is this feeling? you stressed? you not likeing dis? I bet you is goin potty there wor lass! look at all this PUNCTUATION I AM NOT UESING!!!!! I AM INSANE!!!!!!!!!!



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