It’s usually bad news when an opening message comes in shortly after midnight. I happened to be awake yet, so I opened the OKCupid app and read this message.
“What’s up”
Sigh… I decided this didn’t warrant a response so late at night/early in the morning. He must pay extra to see when someone reads his message, because about 2 minutes later, another message rolled in.
“I’m very attracted and interested in you”
“I’m half asleep so we will have to chat tomorrow.”
“Ok…me too”
He did wait till “tomorrow”- but his next message came in shortly after midnight again.
“You look fun”
I need to inform you that this guy has ONE WORD on his profile. “Passionate.” Which, of course, could mean nearly anything. I was willing to talk to him, but really wanted some more information before deciding if I was interested in him. I waited 12 hours and responded midday.
“I think I’m fun. It might be best to tell me more about you, though.”
“I’m not exactly sure what I’m looking for, but there are 5 things I prefer…”
I assumed another message was forthcoming.. so I waited. (Actually, I assumed he wanted me to press for more information. I didn’t because that wasn’t my request.) It came through at 9:15pm.
“Hello?”
“You didn’t finish your sentence.”
“1. A confident woman
2. Active lifestyle (not skinny…not obese)
3. Pubic hair visible (not completely shaved)
4. Great conversation (intelligent)
5. High sex drive
Keep in mind they are JUST preferences…are you any of them or all 5?”
Hahaha! I got so much more than I bargained for in asking for more information about him! I love that he prefers intelligent conversation – much like the one we were CLEARLY having.
“Wow.”
“Just preferences….not a checklist or anything. And there are valid reasons for each one”
“Are you any or all?”
It does fascinate me how people are comfortable saying things online that they would NEVER say to my face in public. I didn’t ask him what he’s looking for, and only two of his preferences are worthy of discussion with a complete stranger.
“I don’t think that’s any of your business.”
“Really? Why not? Are you insecure? It’s just pubic hair….nbd”
“I trim everything very short”
“Because you are a complete stranger and it’s none of your business. I’m not insecure at all; I just don’t feel like this is necessary conversation.”
“Yikes. Guess you’re no fun. Up tight”
“Glad I know now.. you looked happy and fun”
“Such a downer and grouch”
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Try to manipulate much?
“I’m actually laughing and sharing this with my girlfriends. And you’ll star in my book! Keep talking!”
I was texting screenshots to some friends, who badly wanted me to mess with him and send him a list of my own. (My list of 5 preferences is pretty good, perhaps I shall blog about it sometime soon.)
“You’re maybe too fat for me anyway…”
“Have a good night”
“Peace out, Home Slice!”
“Average build?”
“Stop lying. Ain’t nothing average about your size. You’re overweight”
“Cool. Whatever.”
He did send one final message, that I sadly was unable to read as he then immediately blocked me. But I bet it said something like “Wow, I just realized how terrible of a human being I am, and I shouldn’t be online dating. I’m going to cancel my account, best of luck to you!”
I do wonder why some men are quick to rush to the “you’re fat anyway” angle. When there was a chance I was going to play along and tell him about my pubic hair and sex drive, I wasn’t fat then. And his messages came through so fast, it’s not like he was studying my profile and then made this soul-searching decision. It was an attempt to make me feel bad, which he was unsuccessful at.
I can only hope that someday I see him in the wild, when he’s out with a bunch of friends. I would love nothing more than to verify his first name, and then say, “Right! You’re the guy I talked to on OKCupid who asked me about my pubic hair, and when I wouldn’t answer, you called me fat!” I mean – he did say he prefers confidence, right?! 😉
Tags: crazy, dating advice, dating rules, fetishes, funny, hilarious, internet dating, match, men, men vs women, messages, metoo, OkCupid, online dating, online dating advice, online dating blog, online dating fail, online dating horror stories, online dating messages, online dating tips, onlinedating, plenty of fish, pubic hair, sex, sexual harassment, single, smart ass, tinderfella
Soon2BeCatLady 