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Did You Just Call Me Fat?

18 May

This has been weighing (no pun intended) on my mind the past few days.. so I figured I best get it out there.   This one, in particular, is for my female readers.

I had #31 and his roommate over the other day for some grilling and a bonfire.  When I asked him if he was going to be bringing the meat, he replied with “a big slab, naturally.”   Overall, good times were had.

But – while grilling, #31 said to me, “This is kind of awkward, and I never know how to bring this stuff up..”  I raised my eyebrow, and he continued, “You’ve lost some weight.”  Indeed, I have been shedding a few pounds by watching what I eat, and working out.. so I responded a “Heck yeah!” and we high-fived.. and I then proceed to ask why that was awkward to bring up.

Both #31 and his roommate said that girls get offended when they have mentioned weight loss before.   I understood what they meant right away by playfully saying “OMG, are you trying to say I used to be FAT?!”  .. because I KNOW that’s what girls say.

Ladies –  What is wrong with you (us)?  If a guy has noticed you have lost weight, say THANK YOU..  It’s a compliment.  I am going to speak on behalf of the guys (and Guys: If I am wrong, feel free to comment..)  and tell you that this means you look good, and your hard work is paying off (if you are attempting to lose weight).  It does not mean “Wow, I used to think you looked like a cow.”

I understand that if you haven’t been trying to lose weight, or haven’t lost weight, and someone tells you this that it kind of throws you for a loop.  Can we not read into it, though, and give people the benefit of the doubt?   People are going to stop complimenting if they get attacked when they do so..  so take a deep breath, eat some chocolate and drink some wine.

Oooh… chocolate and wine…  Gotta go!

What I HATE About Online Dating

3 May

Obviously there are several things I hate about online dating.. but overall, I think online dating is a pretty good concept.  Allow me to share with you what I dislike most about the entire process, though:

You go on your OKCupid date, and you either have a nice time or you don’t.  When you get home…  for some stupid reason (and I will tell you the female reason..)  you log onto OKCupid.

Girls log on to OKCupid because they either don’t see relationship potential, OR to see if the guy has logged on to OKCupid, because we read into shit like that.   (If a male would like to enlighten- by all means..)   If the guy is “Online Now!”  or has been since the date –  we will automatically assume he is not interested.

Let’s set some ground rules.

1)  After a successful OKCupid date,  you should NOT log back on to OKCupid unless you absolutely have no other way to contact the person.  (And if you don’t have another way to contact the person… Why don’t you have another way to contact the person!?)

2)  If your OKCupid date was not successful,  can we just tell the other person?  Part B to that is if someone tells you that they aren’t interested:  RESPECT THAT.

But — that’s wishful thinking, eh?

So, my friends —  what do you do after a successful OKC date?  Why do you log on?  What do you do if you see the other person is logged on?  Leave me a note so I can get this figured out!!

An Update- FINALLY!

2 May

I am so sorry that I have fallen off the planet for awhile.  I won’t go into details, other than my absence was not boy-related (sadly).   But – things will start swinging upward and we can get back to our regularly scheduled blog posts — and by “regularly scheduled” I mean whenever I feel like it..  but more often.

Sadly this is not an online dating blog post.. but –  it still made me laugh, and for those of you who are just not sure how the male mind works yet.. maybe this will help.

I was checking out Facebook this morning when I saw a very long update from Velvet.  (You know,  BFF who was online dating with me until she got herself a boyfriend.)    Her status update, in a nutshell, said that she needed to sleep, but was distracted by thinking about this, this, that, this, that, this, this, etc.  (It’s a female curse, I tell you!)

The following is the comments on said Facebook status:

MR. Velvet:   I told you meth was a bad idea.   (This was a joke, just so those of you who don’t personally know her take it the wrong way.)

Velvet:  Meth??? I thought I was supposed to avoid MATH!? Stupid high school guidance counselors and their tricky wordplay…   (She’s a geek.. but this shouldn’t be anything new.)

MR. Velvet:  Math=good. Meth=no teeth.

MR. Velvet:  …so also good.

 

This interaction just made me laugh and I felt it was worthy to share with you.  Hope you all are having a swell week!

No-Shave November / Novembeard / Movember

30 Oct

My post today is not about online dating.. but I will connect the two by the end of this post, I promise.

Today, I want to talk to you all about my least favorite month of the year:  NovemBEARD.  (Also known as No-Shave November, and Movember.)  For those of you who have not heard of it,  it’s where all the men band together and for prostate cancer awareness, do not shave their face for the entire month.

I will be the first to tell you that I am not the biggest fan of facial hair.. especially of the bushy variety, which the end of Novembeard sees a lot of.   A little stubble can be sexy, but overall – not for me.  (I know some girls like a bearded guy.. that’s fine… I am NOT one of those girls.)

Don’t take this the wrong way,  I am ALL ABOUT cancer awareness.   But, I call bullshit on this, ladies and gents.   For those of you who participate in Movember and actually raise funds for research,  please understand that I am okay with you doing it.   As for the rest of you:  Don’t give me your “I’m not shaving for prostate cancer awareness.”  load of crap.   Most guys I know that participate don’t even know that it’s “for” prostate cancer awareness.   Those that do,  can you please tell me what your face and your prostate have in common?  I have never once had someone tell me the reasoning behind No-Shave November and actually have a donation page set up.

My Twitter buddy @JourneyThruOKC and I were discussing it today – and again.. if you are raising money for it… Fine.  I’ll deal.   But if you are not,  you shouldn’t be allowed t participate, in my opinion.   JourneyThruOKC said guys just like to keep their face warm in the winter..  Also fine..  but, once again, don’t feed me your “prostate cancer awareness” crap.   Tell the truth.

Honestly.. wouldn’t that be like me saying “I’m not going to shave my armpits for breast cancer awareness”?  IT DOES ABSOLUTELY NOTHING FOR THE CAUSE.    No cancer is going to be cured by people knowing it exists.  Raise funds for research.

This November – I am going to call out my bushy faced friends.   Ask why, and when they give me their B.S. answer, I am going to ask them how much they have raised for it.   (And when they haven’t,  I will sneak into their homes and shave their beards FOR them.)

Additionally, I am strongly considering putting on my OKCupid profile that if I start dating you and you have decided to participate in No-Shave November..  I, too, will participate in No-Shave November… you know.. for prostate cancer awareness.    I’d be willing to bet if that happened, Novembeard would end early.

 

 

99% Enemy OKCupid Date

28 Jul

So, Velvet here with a guest entry. Because even Crazy Cat Ladies need time to themselves, right??

Cat Lady and I have had an ongoing curiosity about the matchmaking processes and algorithms on OKCupid. One of the things I had always wondered – what would happen if you went on a date with a really high enemy percentage? Would the bar or coffee shop explode? Would lightening bolts cross back and forth between the two OKC enemies until both hearts stopped? Would evil be unleashed upon the country? 

So, throwing risk to the wind, I decided to give it a shot. I scrolled until I found someone LITERALLY 99% my enemy. He didn’t look overly creepy, there were no weapons or leather in any of his pictures, and his profile actually sounded pretty funny and charming. I clicked the “questions” section—holy buckets!! So. Much. Pink. (For those of you not on this site-the answers to the many personality type questions that don’t match the person whose profile you are viewing are highlighted in pink) I don’t there was a single answer that matched. Relationship thoughts, sex, social activities, politics…all pink. Wow.

So-I sent him a message.

“Hi there! I can’t help but notice that we are supposed to be mortal enemies. Want to meet?”

Almost immediately, there was a response. “Sure, what the hell. Want to meet for a beer?”

We exchanged a few messages, laughed about online dating in general, and set up the date. Through the next days, we exchanged more messages. He seemed REALLY nice and funny. What the heck? I thought we were supposed to hate each other. The web site said so. They know everything, right?

So, I show up at the bar the obligatory 10 minutes early, order myself a beer, and begin to panic. All of the normal What-if-he-doesn’t-show-or-I-don’t-recognize-him-or-he’s-an-ax-murderer stuff. You know, typical Friday night online date type stuff.

He shows! He’s ADORABLE. WAY cuter than his pictures. His smile immediately makes my tummy flip. (that’s a good thing) We talked almost non-stop for FIVE HOURS. We swap dating stories. He has a friend writing a book about online dating – I have a friend with a blog. He works in the entertainment industry – I work in a different part of the same industry. He plays guitar – I am hot for musicians!!! We talked about the questions that we have answered so very differently. As it turns out-once we explain the reasons for our answers, they are actually not so very polar opposites. As it happens, he is just way more literal in his interpretation of the answers, where I read into them a bit more. (See Cat Lady’s blog entry about that – yes, I am one of those bat-shit-crazy girls…)

So the date ends with a lingering hug, and mutterings about meeting up again. I get home, and see a message from him. (!!) He tells me that he regrets not kissing me, and he hopes to see me again. I reply that I would welcome the opportunity to kiss him in the future.

And then? Nothing. Nada. No message, no email, no text, no call, no smoke signal. WTH???

Until today. Just shy of a week later. I got the worst email you can get-aside from “You suck and I hate you.”

What did it say? 

“Been busy. How R U?”

*Facepalm*

Once You Realize This, You’re Golden.

14 May

Today’s post in not about online dating – but a small tidbit of information that I grasped onto years ago that I realize more and more people just don’t understand.   This will help you in life wherever you go.   Behold –  The Differences in Men and Women:

Okay – first..  GUYS:  

You know how some of you know that when a girl says “It’s fine.” things are really not fine?   You have no idea how much deeper than that it goes.   Girls  (it’s present in all of us.. some of us it just doesn’t rank dominant..)  almost always have hidden agendas.   Everything is a game with us, especially when it is involved.   We plan out our conversations with you ahead of time, and know exactly what we are going to say when you say “____.” or “____.”   (Which is funny, because you NEVER say any of the things we planned  ….and it throws us off.)

We converse with our girlfriends about what your text message means.   We converse about what to respond back, how soon should we respond back, etc.   I recently heard a woman say something along the lines of, “Well, since he isn’t rushing to give me an answer, I am just going to tell him that I made other plans and make him feel bad.. Then next time he won’t wait around.”    Bitchy?  Yes.   Absolutely.    Will it work?   No.   Does the guy realize that she is agonizing over a lack of prompt response?  No.

Guys –  you need to understand the above and realize that you may need to dig in a little deeper.   I have said before several times, and I stick to it:  ALL GIRLS ARE BATSHIT CRAZY.    We all have different levels of it.  You need to find a level you can deal with.    I know you guys take what us girls say (for the most part) as face value.  Don’t.  You need to read into stuff a bit more.   (When you don’t,  you know how you get scolded “When I said ‘this’ you should have known I was mad!”)

 

Alright – LADIES:

You know when a guy says he doesn’t want to go out because he’s too tired?   We think “OMG – he is mad at me.”   or “OMG – he wants me to go out so he can have another girl over!”     We do this because we know if one of our girlfriends says the same thing to us – it probably means she’s mad at us.   You want to know what that text message means from a guy?   It means:  “I don’t want to go out.  I’m too tired.”

Guys don’t play the stupid games we do, unless we force them into it (which is rare, and the relationship ends rather quickly in that event.)   Guys should be read at face value.    What you see is what you get.   Really,  it’s that simple.  I PROMISE.

They read us at face value..  They don’t read into how long it took you to respond to their text like we do.  They don’t care if it’s 5 minutes, or 2 hours.  They aren’t worried about it.

 

Bottom line:

Girls –  take what the guys say at face value.  (And maybe do yourself a favor and understand he takes you at face value.)

Guys –  start reading into things a bit.

*

I don’t want to say I am exempt from this, because I am not, and knowing this will not make you exempt from it.   I catch myself reading into stuff, or playing those games and I bring it back in.   I no longer play the “You should know why I am mad” game, because I know he doesn’t know why I am mad..  so I tell him.

It makes life so much easier.

 

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