Archive | Stupid Messages RSS feed for this section

No.

31 Mar

“I would love to get to no you if you want to get to no this guy im sweet loyal caring etc.”

No?  NO!?

You can spell words like loyal and caring..  but you write “no” instead of  “know”?   Are you kidding me?    I don’t even think he is literally a bad speller, this just indicates pure laziness.    I can’t get over it.

Additionally,   while sweet, loyal and caring are definitely fantastic qualities – I am 100% certain that if this were all a girl looked for in a man,  there’d be a lot less single people in the world.   While certainly there are people out there without those qualities-  people who want to be in a relationship tend to carry them, if only for the beginning..  So, in a way, it goes without saying.

Do I want to get to no this guy?   Know, know I don’t.

“This can be considered a joke”

27 Mar

Unless a person specifically states that joking about such things is appropriate, I would suggest maybe waiting until you actually know a person before sending a beauty such as this:

“Dear pretty lady,

I have a lovely, rather large, naturally brewed, foreign raised stick that is constantly bugging me to ask you if you’d be interested in being poked down there. My stick wants to assure that sounds like aah and ooh will arise from both parties during such repetitive poking.

Should you be interested, address me to your place asap to deliver the full package at your couch or possibly shower.

Looking forward to your earliest reply.
Mischievously yours,
Big-stick Leo

Ps. My god you’re pretty!
Pps. This can be considered a joke. “

 

Oh Big-stick Leo…   I almost have no words.   Again, maybe funny coming from someone you know really well… but a complete stranger?   Yeah, no thanks.  Even if it is 100% a joke,  agreeing to meet up is going to put any girl in an uncomfortable situation,  unless she is the type of girl who is online dating specifically to get laid.

My imaginary cats are yowling.

 

How Did He Know?!

26 Mar

I just love when guys online practically read my mind:

“hey want to suck my dick and get some papa johns?”

Do these guys just wake up thinking to themselves, “I bet a complete stranger will totally blow me today!”?    Is this not absurd?     Now,  if my profile suggested I was good at such a thing,  I would expect no less..  but,  people really shouldn’t be soliciting this (or sex, for that matter..) from someone who doesn’t specifically say that is what they are looking for.

Luckily there is a venue for guys to say such things, because if someone approached me in real life and said this exact same thing – he may have gotten a drink in the face.. or better yet, a kick to the crotch.    (My bark is much worse than my bite –  I say these things, but I’d actually probably just laugh if this happened for real.)

Oh boys..

Shame on Me!

25 Mar

Oh form letters…

“You are stunning, and yes I do take care of my self. The fact you look better than most 20 something I know, I think I may have fallen in some serious Puppy lust from afar. Do you not feel guilty for tempting this very innocent mind as such?lol

sweet smile. Nice top.”

Yes, shame on my more professional looking headshot for making you super innocent 41 year old man trolling Plenty of Fish puppy lust from afar.   (I assume “from afar”  is because he lives about a 4 hour plane ride away.)

I am so glad he clarified that he takes care of himself as well.   That will make it much easier to decide to meet up should he ever be in my area.  (Did you feel my eyeroll across the interwebs?)

I am not sure why some people waste one another’s time on this stuff.  I highly doubt he will be moving any time soon.  I sure have no intentions of it – at least not because of someone I met online.

Newer Entries →