Tag Archives: facebook

I Poked the Baby Bear!

9 Mar

I find it hilarious when guys clearly in high school are on Tinder posing as 27 years old and up.   They’ve got their senior picture up,  a prom pic, sports pics and sometimes even a picture of themselves in their letter jacket.

I mutually matched with one (as I am currently swiping right for everyone).. and couldn’t help myself:

“Hahaha!!!  You’re not 28!”

“That’s correct haha idk how to change it”

“You have to change your age on Facebook to your actual age.”

“Fuck, well that’s way too much work lol.”   

“Why are you on here?  What are you looking for?”


“You are very clearly in high school.. No one my age is going to believe that you are over the age of 18, let alone sleep with you.”

“Jeesuz fucking Christ lady I’m not in high school those pictures are old I don’t go on fb often and I have a much better chance than you do fat ass damn, told you I’m on here for sex not to bullshit and you act like everyone on here is your age fuckin dumbass.”

(Nice period at the end of that run on sentence, Buddy!)

“Haha!  Better chance.  That’s  funny.  You’re adorable.  Good luck!”

“Just made plans to fuck a 22 year old on my way as we speak.  Lose weight and you won’t need tinder, guys are shallow.”

“I don’t need Tinder now, but thanks for your input.  Be sure to let the 22 year old know she’s probably going to jail.”

“You’re fucking retarded I’M IN COLLEGE”  (I would love to read the essay that got him accepted..)

“College guys wouldn’t be worked up over what a 29 year old ‘old bag’ is saying..”

And crickets..  Hahahaha!   I guess he’s acting like he’s in college now?

“I’m Not a Creep”

22 Mar

I think I have literally lost my mind..  but since I have no evidence to prove otherwise,  my brain is intact – and this actually happened in real life.

I received a text message last night from a number that wasn’t even close to local.

“Hey how are u?”

Because I have been very busy the last few days,  I didn’t feel the need to respond to this.   About twenty minutes later, I got another text.

“U there?”

Again, this text was ignored.

Early this afternoon,  I received yet another text.

“How are u?”

About an hour and a half later:

“Is this [CatLady]?”

Okay.. this person knows who I am..  I waited a few hours to respond, as again I have had a few things going on to lately.  I finally responded..

“Who is this?”

“Its stewart u wanna chat?”

“I don’t know who you are.  I’ve got a lot of stuff going on right now.”

“I am a nice guy and what kind of stuff?”

“U there?”

“I am otherwise distracted right now.  Everything is fine, but I can’t talk.”

“Oh sorry I will talk to u later”

Two short hours later:

“Is everything going okay [CatLady]?   Please let me know.”

…What on earth?

“Explain to me who you are..”

“I am stewart from [city] and u [CatLady]?”

At this point,  I am confused, overwhelmed in general from other stuff, and figured the best course of action was to call my “old pal” Stewart and find out what exactly I was missing.

He answered a normal “Hello?”  and I said “..And how do I know you?”   And as if it wasn’t weird already:

“I saw you on Facebook.”

“On Facebook?”

“Yeah.  I saw you and Facebook and want to get to know you.   I’m really not a creep.”

Guys-  if you feel the need to tell a girl that you aren’t a creep, or creepy..  I hate to break it to you- but you ARE.

My phone number that I use for business is public on my Facebook page.  Stewart, I guess, stumbled upon on my page, and decided to PUT MY NUMBER IN HIS PHONE!?

He asked me where I was from, reiterated that he is not a creepy guy.. and I told him that I had family stuff I needed to go take care of.   He told me he wants to get to know me.  I told him it would have to be another time.

Seriously.. WTF?