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Green Card Husband?

5 Apr

The online dating weirdos just follow me wherever I go.  I can’t escape them!  The latest comes from a Facebook message from Jamshed,  who’s location keeps changing.  At the time I am writing this, he’s from Mumbai.  I also believe that he doesn’t understand the concept of time difference because I received a message from him at 11pm in the evening:

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It also had my name on it, so I guess bonus points for a little bit of effort?  I don’t believe for one moment that this photo is actually of Jamshed, but notice the gentleman in the photo, if you will.  He’s wearing a wedding ring.

“What would your wife think, Jamshed?”

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It Finally Happened!!

12 Jun

 

Although I have been on an online dating hiatus this year, I have considered myself an online dater for 6.5 years now.  If this isn’t your first time here, you’ve read the highlights.  I have always expected a specific something to happen, but much to my surprise, it never did.  I must say that I am a bit surprised that I had to take a break from online dating sites for this momentous occasion to arise, but it FINALLY happened!   Let me tell you the story; it’s pretty awesome.

It had been a really frustrating week.  People had been getting in my head, and I realized I had forgotten all about the dog’s insanely expensive heartworm meds.  The icing on the cake was having a tent and racks of clothes collapse on me at a festival.  I was defeated.

I changed into comfy clothes, and logged onto my personal Facebook page.  I had a notification of a message request. (If someone not connected to you on Facebook sends a message- it doesn’t let it through until you accept.)  The message said “Hi” and I accepted the message:

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Are Men Complimented Enough?

13 Apr

Last week on the podcast, I briefly mentioned this article that I had found on my Facebook news feed.   I ask that you read it as homework for our follow up podcast on the matter.

If you are lazy – I shall summarize:  This is seemingly written by a man, who claims that guys don’t have it as easy as us gals think.  Imagine a world where you are never gawked at, complimented, etc. when the media tells you that you are ugly.  Apparently, that’s the experience of life for the man-folk.

The article also suggests “Tell a moderately attractive man that he’s attractive tomorrow in whatever way feels appropriate to you. It’s likely it’ll be the first time he’s heard it from a woman with whom he’s not in a relationship in a long while, possibly ever.”

I don’t want to tell you my thoughts on this article, because on Wednesday night (10PM Eastern, 9PM Central) we will be discussing this on the podcast. But –  I want to hear your thoughts in the comments!

Additionally, LADIES..  Regardless of your thoughts on this article,  I’d ask a favor that you do as the article suggests at least once, and let me know how it went.   I have done so since the last podcast at least once a day, and will continue to do so until Wednesday.  (Oh, and are there ever some fun stories already with that experiment..)

I Poked the Baby Bear!

9 Mar

I find it hilarious when guys clearly in high school are on Tinder posing as 27 years old and up.   They’ve got their senior picture up,  a prom pic, sports pics and sometimes even a picture of themselves in their letter jacket.

I mutually matched with one (as I am currently swiping right for everyone).. and couldn’t help myself:

“Hahaha!!!  You’re not 28!”

“That’s correct haha idk how to change it”

“You have to change your age on Facebook to your actual age.”

“Fuck, well that’s way too much work lol.”   

“Why are you on here?  What are you looking for?”

“Sex.”

“You are very clearly in high school.. No one my age is going to believe that you are over the age of 18, let alone sleep with you.”

“Jeesuz fucking Christ lady I’m not in high school those pictures are old I don’t go on fb often and I have a much better chance than you do fat ass damn, told you I’m on here for sex not to bullshit and you act like everyone on here is your age fuckin dumbass.”

(Nice period at the end of that run on sentence, Buddy!)

“Haha!  Better chance.  That’s  funny.  You’re adorable.  Good luck!”

“Just made plans to fuck a 22 year old on my way as we speak.  Lose weight and you won’t need tinder, guys are shallow.”

“I don’t need Tinder now, but thanks for your input.  Be sure to let the 22 year old know she’s probably going to jail.”

“You’re fucking retarded I’M IN COLLEGE”  (I would love to read the essay that got him accepted..)

“College guys wouldn’t be worked up over what a 29 year old ‘old bag’ is saying..”

And crickets..  Hahahaha!   I guess he’s acting like he’s in college now?

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You Want to What?

9 Jul

“I want to dowse you in green paint and spank you like a disobedient avocado.”

Is this another pop culture reference that I am totally missing?   All of my avocados are well behaved.. so I guess I just don’t get it.  (But then again,  I can be horribly naive.. so again, if I am missing something.. by ALL means..)

Guess what, everyone!  I’m on Facebook now.  Let’s be friends!

“I’m Not a Creep”

22 Mar

I think I have literally lost my mind..  but since I have no evidence to prove otherwise,  my brain is intact – and this actually happened in real life.

I received a text message last night from a number that wasn’t even close to local.

“Hey how are u?”

Because I have been very busy the last few days,  I didn’t feel the need to respond to this.   About twenty minutes later, I got another text.

“U there?”

Again, this text was ignored.

Early this afternoon,  I received yet another text.

“How are u?”

About an hour and a half later:

“Is this [CatLady]?”

Okay.. this person knows who I am..  I waited a few hours to respond, as again I have had a few things going on to lately.  I finally responded..

“Who is this?”

“Its stewart u wanna chat?”

“I don’t know who you are.  I’ve got a lot of stuff going on right now.”

“I am a nice guy and what kind of stuff?”

“U there?”

“I am otherwise distracted right now.  Everything is fine, but I can’t talk.”

“Oh sorry I will talk to u later”

Two short hours later:

“Is everything going okay [CatLady]?   Please let me know.”

…What on earth?

“Explain to me who you are..”

“I am stewart from [city] and u [CatLady]?”

At this point,  I am confused, overwhelmed in general from other stuff, and figured the best course of action was to call my “old pal” Stewart and find out what exactly I was missing.

He answered a normal “Hello?”  and I said “..And how do I know you?”   And as if it wasn’t weird already:

“I saw you on Facebook.”

“On Facebook?”

“Yeah.  I saw you and Facebook and want to get to know you.   I’m really not a creep.”

Guys-  if you feel the need to tell a girl that you aren’t a creep, or creepy..  I hate to break it to you- but you ARE.

My phone number that I use for business is public on my Facebook page.  Stewart, I guess, stumbled upon on my page, and decided to PUT MY NUMBER IN HIS PHONE!?

He asked me where I was from, reiterated that he is not a creepy guy.. and I told him that I had family stuff I needed to go take care of.   He told me he wants to get to know me.  I told him it would have to be another time.

Seriously.. WTF?

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