Soon2BeCatLady

One of my Twitter followers sent me an interaction she had on the meat market today:

“Oh no, a chipmunk has escaped from the forest! I’m calling pest control now…”

Now, I have seen her profile, and I don’t understand where this would have came from..  She is adorable, and even so much as got a message once that said:  “Your profile, I swear I’m going to print it out and post it on my fridge for all my friends to admire! Keep it up you adorable lil’ nerd.”

Personally, I think any guy could easily fall for her, because aside from being super cute,  she advertises in her profile that she has gone bungee jumping…. naked.

Anyway- she responded:

“I don’t get it… are you saying I have fat cheeks or am furry?”

*

“You exude an aura of mischievousness fused with a patina of happy-go-lucky.  In a word, a chipmunk.  Notice also that chipmunks are pretty mobile and like to scamper about hither and thither with rapidity…

Dearest Author of the latest Meat Market Message,

I don’t know what I think of your message.   Parts of me likes it; it’s clever..  but part of me wonders what the hell you are doing.    It’s quite obvious that you get what you are supposed to do – but why then aren’t you actually doing it?!

“Generic overexcited greeting! Obvious reference to your profile information, with or without drawing a comparison between what we put on our profiles. Rhetorical question? Rhetorical answer! Unnecessary semi-forced witty remark. Laughing onomatopoeia! Humble request for future communication?”

Again – I like it because you seem to understand what an online dating message should look like.. but it bothers me that you are lazy and just copied and pasted something you have sent to every other chickadee that has caught your eye.  Which is the exact opposite of what you are supposed to do… but you already know that.

So – I guess what I am trying to say is:  Simultaneously,  you are a genius and a moron..  with probably the latter reigning slightly more dominant.

Best of luck to you,

Soon2BeCatLady

I think if you are going to spell something wrong – it should be an all or nothing deal.   Not pick and choose the words you want to short hand, as that defeats the purpose of shorthand.

“Wud u like to see a big penis”

If you are going to be lazy on words such as would and you, why would he not be lazy on to and see as well.   Granted, the answer is no either way – but I think I would be a lot less annoyed if the message had read “Wud u like 2 C a big Pnis?”   – At least that would have been owning the stupidity.

Or of course,  make it a play on words if you want to be lazy and instead of “Would” put “Wood” instead..   Then at least I would have laughed.

Doesn’t everyone’s mother teach them that if they can’t say anything nice, not to say anything at all?   When do people decide Mom was wrong?

“You have a really ugly pic. I feel vomiting when seeing ur f profile. Please give us a break and stay offline. Please.”

He feels vomiting?  …Interesting…

I also don’t understand why people don’t use their “block” feature more often.

What if this is the man of my dreams, and we get married?  Can you imagine:  “How did you two meet?”    “Well Auntie Claire,  he sent me a message on OKCupid that said I had a really ugly photo, and he felt vomiting when seeing it…  It was basically love at first sight.”

I just might need to see if this guy wants to meet up for coffee.

On June 1st, I got a message on the meat market that said:

“whats up beauitful we should hangout sometime”

I will never immediately agree to hang out with someone online – I have to get to know you first.  I am not about to be raped and murdered.

“Why is that?”

“just need a friend or more if it works out i do want a girlfiend to im sweet guy if thats what your looking for”

I didn’t respond from here..  Probably because I am not looking for a sweet guy..  No girl is.   (Or probably more likely, every girl is – but someone thinking they are a sweet individual doesn’t mean they are.. or that I should meet them.)

*

Flash forward to today..  (I find it very funny, and awesome, that POF doesn’t remind you that you have messaged a person before.. )

“we should hangout sometime”

I was having a good laugh when I sent my response:

“Why is that?”

“just would like to get to no you if you want to get to no me”

“Know.”

For the record, I was not only correcting his spelling… I was also being passive/aggressive by calling him out on being an underachiever, by being an overachiever and using “know” in the place of “No.”

I don’t have a funny message for you today – but I do still want to share something with you that made me laugh.  Not only is it funny, but it will certainly give us all something to think about and discuss.

About a month ago,  I was chatting with #31, as I often do – and we were discussing the phenomenon of people hooking up with their ex.   I have long wondered about why people do such things.   Are we wired to do this?   Are we stuck on them?  Seriously – what gives?

Anyway..  As we were discussing how such an idea is not a smart one – #31 used an analogy that I feel the need to share with the world.   Apparently,  most of us play our love deck wrong.   When I questioned this, #31 said:

“Instead of trying to draw the King of Hearts, you lay the Joker.”

The sad part is, I looked at the screen puzzled until he then said “Double meaning intended.”    (What can I say?  I was thinking playing cards…  it went right over my head..  I can be naive sometimes.)

So –  my thought for today is this:   Next time you feel the need to call up the ex.. ask yourself if it’s really worth not attempting to draw the “King (or Queen) of Hearts”, which would win you the game.   Is “Laying the Joker” (metaphorically or literally)  really worth it?

I know we’ve all been at least tempted to do it..  but why?

I have no words..

“Do you happen to be from Ireland? Cause when I look at your picture…My penis is Dublin”

You just know it’s going to be an awesome online dating story when the message comes from a guy 5 years younger than you and is an extraordinary 5% match.

“Hey sexy”    (Good Lord, shoot me now.)

“Hello.”

“Hey NM chilling on my day off wats up wit u”

Apparently I had asked one of my infamous imaginary questions again..   Silly me.

“Did you really answer an imaginary question?”

“Wat u mean”

I mean GO BACK TO 3RD GRADE!!

“Let’s see.. I said “Hello.” and you said “Hey NM..” Does that make logical sense to you?”

I think using a big word like “logical” scared him away.    Poor baby.