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Tasty Pussy

8 Jul


I feel bad for any future sons that I may have.  I’m pretty sure “Mama CatLady” is going to sit down with them after high school graduation and discuss what is appropriate and not appropriate to discuss with complete strangers.  I think it’s safe to assume that this 27 year old’s mother (and many other mothers out there..) never did that:

“I bet you have a tasty pussy.”

There were oh-so many places I could go with this..

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Play By The Tinder Rules

23 Mar

Tinder Match!Apparently there are Tinder rules that I have not been following..

“Hey CatLady, we matched.  What do we do now?  I think we are supposed to hook up?”

“I thought we were supposed to get married.”

“Let’s fuck first.”



“This is a hookup site you know??”

“Actually, it’s a dating app.  And – even if you were accurate, that doesn’t mean I’m required to hook up with you.”

“It actually is a requirement that you hookup.”

Damn.. Makes me regret swiping right for EVERYONE. — I did contemplate telling him that I am one of the founders of Tinder, and that he is incorrect.. but decided against it.

“Oh.. Well, you’ll have to wait in line then.  You’re number 2549.”

“You are not following the rules, please hookup with me?”

“If you’re still semi-attractive in 7 years after I’ve hooked up with those ahead of you, I’ll let you know.”

“I’m reporting you”


So, sounds like I’m gonna be busy for the next 7 years..  Or be a rebellious rule-breaker.

You All Tawkify Wrong!

10 Oct

I have told you all about Tawkify several times.. but to recap, is a website that basically sets you up on blind phone calls/walks/mystery dates – and they also take into account your Klout score, if you have one.   I will say time and time again that I enjoy this concept.

You can all search my blog for Tawkify to get more blogs about my experiences and thoughts about it..   but – I need to tell you Men on Tawkify..  YOU TAWKIFY ALL WRONG!!

I have had over a handful of Tawkify phone dates (most of which have gone well), and I have YET to meet any of these guys in person.    What are you guys doing?! Didn’t you sign up for this service to at the very least meet new people?   Honestly,  I am super curious to find out if any of these phone matches I have are people I would click with in real life.

All but ONE of these guys has my phone number!   And most have fallen off the planet.. without really ever communicating after the initial phone set up.   Gentlemen,  I strongly encourage you to sign up for Tawkify — but the rule is, if a girl interests you on the phone,  freaking meet up for coffee or something!   (Spoiler alert:  If you have her phone number, SHE WILL SAY YES.)

I can’t believe I have to spell this out..

(And I am seriously anxiously awaiting the day one of my phone dates asks me if I am the CatLady.. haha!)

Tawkify Phone Date Tips

21 Sep

After my Mystery Date from Tawkify,  I took it easy for a little bit with the Tawkify stuff… I can’t let everyone in my area get to see just how awesome I am, you know.

But – Last weekend I had my 4th (not 100% positive on this number..) Tawkify Phone Date.  I was told by the matchmaker that I just had to accept this tawk, because this match was really cute.   I can handle cute..

I have often blogged about my Tawkify experiences, so you should know that only one of my phone dates really seemed to have any sort of potential, and it didn’t work out.  I still get a little worried that I might actually know the other person on the end of the line, but I still vouch that these are very fun, and I highly recommend it.

Phone Date #4 was fun.. I don’t know that anything will come of it.. I still have yet to ever meet one of my phone dates in person – so I am really hoping that will change in the near future.

But – since I should have convinced you to give Tawkify a try by now, I figured I’d share some tips on how to have a fun phone call:

1) Get the awkward out of the way-  note that it’s really weird that complete strangers have matched you up over the phone.   You are both in that same position, and it helps you bond.

2)  (I have to do this,  you may skip if you desire..)  Establish that you don’t know the person in real life.  I explain how I once was matched with someone I knew in real life.. and actually trying to determine if you know one another is a fun little game, and at very least gives you some clues for social networking stalking later.

3)  Don’t have a list of questions.  It’s not a job interview – you are making a new friend.   (And for crying out loud – DON’T ask “What do you like to do for fun?”  I freaking hate this question..   Have someone ask you that sometime and realize how awkward it is to answer.)

4)   Tawkify gives you a few details about the person on the phone..  Use this as a conversation starter.   Remember when I rant that no one reads online dating profiles?   They send you 3 sentences.. READ THEM!

5)  Smile.  People can tell if you are smiling, and no one wants to be on the phone with a grouchy pants.

6)  If it gets uncomfortably silent,  you can always ask what their Klout score is (since Tawkify matches on Klout score..) and what Klout thinks they are influential in.   (If you don’t know your Klout score.. look it up..  at least for me – it has me influential in things I am totally not influential about..)

Seriously though – fastest 10 minutes ever, I promise.

Who all has signed up already.. I want to hear how it’s going!!

The Mystery Date

24 Aug

As you all know, I signed up for Tawkify because it sounded really neat.   I have had a few phone dates, all of which pretty much went nowhere fast.  But Ladies and Gentlemen, I can now cross “Tawkify Mystery Date” off of my bucket list.

If you have any balls whatsoever to do this – I would very much recommend it.  Tawkify, even if they aren’t in your area, plans the whole thing.  You just show up. Honestly, activity speaking:  Hands down most unique and fun date I have ever been on.

When I was informed they were scheduling my Mystery Date, my personal matchmaker informed me that my date did not look like Clark Gable.   I was instructed to bring an envelope – and my date would have a card for said envelope.   So,  I went to our meet-up place looking for a non-Clark Gable lookalike carrying a card of some sort.   I found the man with the card, and sure enough –  Definitely no resemblance to Clark Gable.

We then had to text our matchmaker to find out our next instructions.  “Find a pen and write the following message in the card..”   Luckily, I had predicted needing a pen, so that was easy.  Mystery Date (MD.. no, he wasn’t a doctor..) and I discussed who we thought this birthday card was going to.  We decided it was going to E. Jean Carroll (the mastermind behind Tawkify), so – we may not have exactly followed the instructions on what to write on the card.

Next step,  walk a block away to the local Lawn Bowling club, where we had been signed up to play.  The loser would be responsible for mailing off the birthday card.   Lucky for me (and Tawkify – because I never would have sent it),  MD was even worse at lawn bowling than I was – and we found out that the birthday card was being sent to a celebrity.

Would I go on another Tawkify Mystery Date?   Absolutely.  What I especially enjoyed about it was that I was pretty much guaranteed to meet an extrovert – which I did.   The Online Dating pool does seem to be introverted when it comes to guys.  Don’t get me wrong – that’s probably what I need, being an extrovert myself..  but it’s nice to meet someone who has the guts to go on an ultimate blind date, set up by near strangers.

What are you waiting for?   Go do it!  I promise you’ll have fun!

Why Tawkify Phone Date #2 Didn’t Work Out

14 Aug

First of all:  Go familiarize yourself with who I easily thought could have been my next boyfriend:  Phone Date 2 and Part 2.

PhoneDate 2 (or PD2 from now on..)  never called, and stopped answering texts.   We never chatted on the phone aside from our first Tawkify phone date, and exchanged a grand total of maybe 15 text messages, if that.

Now, my girls know this – but guys:  This drives us nuts!  Did he find someone else?  Fine.. not a problem.. but could ya TELL me?!    Did he fall off the planet? Did he get into some accident and now has amnesia?   A little closure is always appreciated.

But – because this is what girls do –  I decided I wanted to investigate.   There were only a few minimal things I knew about PD2.  I knew his first (common) name, his age,  the city in which he resides.  I knew what he did as a freelance job, and that he has a dog, and likes rock-climbing.

So, I hopped on good ol’ OKCupid and narrowed my search down to his age,  the distance his place is to mine, and a keyword about his freelance job.  I live in a place that has about 3 million people within a 75 mile span.  A few people popped up,  but – I did manage to find an OKC profile that very well matched PD2.   (Stalker.. I know..)   Said OKC profile also had a link to a freelance business, and sure enough, there PD2’s phone number was.   Bingo.

PD2 – for the record:   ABSOLUTELY FREAKING ADORABLE.   Our entire life together flashed before my eyes:  the dates, the wedding, the kids…  Okay, I am totally joking about that part.   But I did get excited.   The only part holding me back from planning the wedding is that he wasn’t calling.   I let it sit for a few days.

Then one morning,  I was thinking about the situation… and started feeling like maybe I had looked at his photo for far too long, because I started to feel like I recognized him.  Then even his name sounded recognizable.   My mind had to be playing tricks..  but then my neurons put it together..

I graduated from high school with PD2.

I live in an area with 3 million people, and Tawkify matched me up with one of the 600 people I graduated high school with.   Don’t get me wrong,  I am not upset by any means, just a hilarious coincidence.   In their defense,  I obviously knew of him – but we didn’t know each other well.   And – I still vouch based on our minimal conversation, he was a good pick on their behalf.

Although I wasn’t popular in high school, I was pretty well-known –  I did tend to wave my freak flag quite high.   I can only assume at this point, he got curious too, reverse-searched my telephone number, and went “CatLady!?  Oh HELL no.”   And it’s not like either one of us is going to admit to stalking.

Oh well – Mystery Date this weekend!   PD2 – if you happen to read this – send me a message, it’s cool.

Tawkify Phone Date 2 – Follow Up

2 Aug

Before reading, it is probably best to familiarize yourself with:  Tawkify Phone Date #2.

So,  2nd Phone Date DID press the magic “Call Again” button, which was a nice ego boost after I had a date that apparently fell off the planet.   So,   I worked with my Tawkify match maker to set up Phone Date 2 – part 2.  It was a little bit of back and forth to figure out a time that worked for the both of us, but we did get it nailed down.

So, after work last Thursday, I anxiously waited for my phone to ring.  And it never did.   It wasn’t me being phone stood up, something must have happened on the back end, and I contacted my matchmaker who told me what happened was “ghastly.”   I told her to go ahead and give Phone Date 2 my number, and she did.

If I thought waiting to see if he pressed “Call Again” was bad…  waiting to see if he would actually contact me was far more agonizing.   I got a text message around 10:30PM on Saturday night that said he’d call me either Sunday or Monday night.   ….He didn’t….  We’ve texted back and forth a few times, initiated by myself – nothing overly exciting – and that’s it.

Why is our generation so impossible about this stuff?  We don’t know how to communicate anymore!  We don’t meet anyone in person because we are all glued to our phones pretending to look busy, we don’t pick up the phone because we can’t possibly do more than one thing at a time.   — I know what you’re saying: “CatLady – YOU call HIM.”   No.   I have already initiated too many text messages that went nowhere.  It’s not my job.   I have no problem being the leader or whatever, but I also hear that it’s emasculating.  So, I am stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I am going to wait it out a little longer, and if not – I will have Tawkify set me up on a Mystery Date.

Tawkify PANIC!

26 Jul

Oh My God – Soon2BeCatLady is posting in the morning?!  I know.. I know..  but I am freaking out.

As you probably very well know by now,  I signed up for Tawkify,  which is a pretty nifty website that I totally recommend you check out..  If nothing else, it’s FUN.   My first phone date did not go well – but the second was awesome.

The good news is –  I have been informed that Phone Date #2 has restored my faith in myself and would like to chat again – so it’s in the works for us to have another phone call.  Exciting, right!?   It is possible that phone call could be occurring today – but of course I will keep you all informed through the Twitter and my Facebook page.   (*Shameless self plug*  Haha!)

Anyway –  after a night filled with dreams of a Tawkify blind speed dating conference..  (Go figure..)  I woke up as I normally do to go to my day job.  I always check my online dating profiles to see if I missed anything hilarious overnight.

Last night,  someone who I have met before in real life visited my page.  I don’t think he actually knows who I am, because I understand my memory of people is phenomenal.. but, he was an acquaintance of a friend in high school.   He didn’t send me a message or anything, and I shrugged it off…

….Until I got in the shower…. (Absolutely nothing gross should be implied here.)  The neurons in my brain connected that this person has the same first name as Phone Date…  and the universe tends to do stuff like this to me.   (Granted,  they do have a common name… but still..)  I am freaking out!

..That is all..  just needed to put it out there..  Everyone keep their fingers crossed that this is NOT the case!!

My 2nd Tawkify Phone Date

19 Jul

Wow – my 2nd Tawkify experience was SO much better than the first one!   We actually had a conversation about a very similar interest we have (as well as a few other topics), and the 10 minute conversation went by so unbelievably fast and cut me off mid sentence.

While it’s frustrating, because I totally want to talk to him again –  That’s what I really like about Tawkify that I didn’t get to experience with the first phone call.    The wait.   Was I equally as interesting?  I get to torture myself for the following week, and it will make me feel alive.  While it’s annoying, I am excited about it.

We did spend about a minute talking about OKCupid.   He had said he is on there as well, and we both wondered out loud if we have ever chatted on there before.   He said it would have been pretty awkward if he had messaged me before and I didn’t respond.   I told him “Well, if you wrote ‘Hi, how are you?’  I most likely ignored you.”    He told me I should give him a bit more credit than that because he would have written “You’re hot.”    (I am just assuming he uses proper spelling and grammar.)

So.. more to come on that..


One other thing I wanted to mention, completely off topic..

I work with Velvet, and she came to my desk today and said “I DID IT!”  I looked at her very confused and she continued, “I have an OKCupid date on Friday…. with my 99% ENEMY!”

I am equally as excited about this as she is..  and she has promised to guest blog about it… So – even more reasons to stay tuned!

My First Tawkify Phone Date

3 Jul

Yesterday I had my first Tawkify phone conversation with a match.   The two hours leading up to it were nerve-wracking – not so much because of what it was, but I was more or less freaked out that I would actually know the person. (Story of my life, right?)

The call was supposed to begin at 10:00pm, so I nearly jumped out of my pants at 9:00pm when my phone rang.    It was the online dating robot butler, reminding me I had a call in an hour.

10:00pm rolled around, and my phone rang for real.   I pressed “1” to be connected to my match, which at that point,  I only knew his first name, profession and two interests.   (When I found this out, my nerves were calmed, because there was no way I knew him in real life.)

We both said “Hello?”  and introduced ourselves.   I immediately jumped into “Have you ever done this before?”   He had, two other times.   Didn’t really make any sense to me why he was so nervous.   You know when you are so nervous and uncomfortable that words just can’t seem to stop pouring out of your mouth, a mile a minute? ..That was this guy..   It didn’t bother me, because I’ve been there…  but, really, it’s just a phone call – it wasn’t that scary!  So, most of the conversation, I heard a lot about his job, and how he got to his job.  (Yet, I couldn’t explain it in a life or death situation.)

He misheard me when I told him what city I was from, and thought I said “New York.”   (Hint:  I am not in New York, city or state.)   He told me he actually plans on moving there as soon as possible.   Hmm – that stinks because I have no intentions of moving anywhere in the near future.   I corrected him, and explained where I actually live..  turns out he lives an hour and a half drive away.   When it comes to considering dating someone,  distance is definitely a factor – and sadly that’s too far.

I did get his number at the end of the call (despite not wanting to – but I have trouble saying “no” to people when put on the spot..)  and called him back.    If nothing else, more or less I just wanted to know a bit more about him to see, had he lived closer, if he is someone I may have considered meeting up with.   I asked him about a fast food chain that I know is in his area, which is no longer in mine..   I could feel the eyeroll before he informed me that he is a “Foodie” and that’s not what he classifies as good food.   Being a picky eater, this pretty much settles that even if he were close,  it probably wouldn’t work out.

So – Tawkify Phone Date #1 –  not my future husband.   We’ll see next time!