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Must Be “Howl At the Moon” Time Again..

14 Jun

Seriously, I think at certain times every month,  horndogs come out to howl at the moon.  I wonder if this is much like the female menstrual cycle..

“How would you feel about having my dick in and/or around your mouth?”

I understand yesterday that I said unless it was a case of self defense, I wouldn’t ever attempt to damage the family jewels..  but – sometimes I feel that some of these morons ought to be castrated.

“Looks like you could use a nice cock”

This message came from someone who has looked at my profile several times.   My pictures have not changed.. not sure why today was the day that I look like I could use something like that, and not others..

Yet,  the winner of the horndog trophy today goes to:

“Hi beautiful…..I so hope you are real, there are so many scammers on all these sites. You are so hot I got an instant boner as soon as I saw you. Do you like oral? Because I want to meet you and go down and bury my tongue as deep as I can inside your sweet pussy and suck your clit and drink your beautiful juice. I really want to meet you SOON.”

Dear man who could easily be my father..  Gross.   Just gross.   I literally just coughed up a hairball.

Pain in the Ass

7 Jun

More fan mail for the Soon2BeCatLady:

“u sound like a real pain in the ass”

Haha – it’s like he knows me!!  While I TOTALLY am a real pain in the ass (but seriously, it’s a good pain..),  I am confused as to what would encourage a complete stranger to think so.   Or,  perhaps complete strangers for that matter, as shortly after – this message popped up..

“I dont know if I’d date you but I’d definitely bang you.”

Come on, now.. I could totally see if I posted my blog for all of my online dating fans to read, this might be justified..  but I don’t.

Meh – I am not taking it personal.

 

Guarantee

24 Apr

“i can play your body like a finely tuned instrument – either the most pristine acoustic or highly charged electric instrument… i guarantee at least 2 climaxes for you. and i’ll leave quietly when we are done – it’s up to you let me know if we should meet again after that. 😉

if you are interested in a passionate and unforgettable experience, please give me a call at ***-***-****.”

I find it quite interesting that he thinks he can guarantee such things..   but I am sure this is another form letter.   Is he not afraid of STDs??   I certainly would be..

Sir, You Will Not Be Dominating Anything of Mine

19 Apr

“Man I would love to completely dominate your pussy. Lick and suck your clit.fatal domination on your pussy. Do you want a good time and a sensual fuck!”

Fatal domination?  You know, I am not really partial to anything fatal of any kind.    Especially in that region..

Talk about another case of why cats are going to soon take over the world.. and, I mean the “Meow” kind, and not the pussy kind.   (However, we could probably figure the pussy type has long owned the world.)

Boy Toy

6 Apr

Part of me wishes that I was more promiscuous, because the social experiments I would conduct would be fascinating.  Or perhaps just a gun to protect myself if things got out of line.   But, instead, I will go based on what I know to be true by witnessing others.

I have said this before, but to remind you – even though I hate everything that is Plenty of Fish because of how gross it is –  I try to “help out” my POF fans by telling them I would be more likely to respond if they mention my favorite TV show.

” have not seen the show..but if you ever need a boy toy..”

…And this guy’s profile says he is looking for a long term relationship…

Here’s what I don’t understand:   Why do guys think that girls really don’t have any options?   I mean, I understand the stereotype “She’s online dating, she must be desperate.”  but seriously – if I was looking for a good time, I am pretty sure I could make that happen.   (Again- no experience in this, because I am quite a respectable girl..)   Doesn’t this just require a few fluttering eyelashes and whispering something a little suggestive?

So,  what I am saying is this:   If I was looking for a boy toy,  I wouldn’t go to a stranger on the internet.   And, come on… even the website suggests that there are plenty of fish.  I guess you miss the shots you don’t take, but really? What is the success rate of soliciting normal people for physical attention on online dating sites?    Like I said,  part of me wishes I thought that was a good idea, because I’d be doing some research.

Instead I wrote back, “Doesn’t your profile say you are looking for a long term relationship?  Am I not worthy of one of those?”    

“Aww, don’t say that. Of course you’re worthy of one of those. I’ve just been so darn busy lately and had a lot of my mind, and I’ll admit, I may be a lil in the mood here and there 😉 So please don’t take offense.”

Yeah- the answer is still no.

“This can be considered a joke”

27 Mar

Unless a person specifically states that joking about such things is appropriate, I would suggest maybe waiting until you actually know a person before sending a beauty such as this:

“Dear pretty lady,

I have a lovely, rather large, naturally brewed, foreign raised stick that is constantly bugging me to ask you if you’d be interested in being poked down there. My stick wants to assure that sounds like aah and ooh will arise from both parties during such repetitive poking.

Should you be interested, address me to your place asap to deliver the full package at your couch or possibly shower.

Looking forward to your earliest reply.
Mischievously yours,
Big-stick Leo

Ps. My god you’re pretty!
Pps. This can be considered a joke. “

 

Oh Big-stick Leo…   I almost have no words.   Again, maybe funny coming from someone you know really well… but a complete stranger?   Yeah, no thanks.  Even if it is 100% a joke,  agreeing to meet up is going to put any girl in an uncomfortable situation,  unless she is the type of girl who is online dating specifically to get laid.

My imaginary cats are yowling.

 

Here’s an original

14 Mar

Message time-stamped at 4:20pm:

“Come smoke a bowl with me :)”

How clever playing up the time like that..

In his defense,  this wasn’t his first message to me.  He had messaged me about a month ago, in response to my profile stating I don’t write back to “Hi, how are you?” or anything of that sort..  (This is POF.. If I responded to all of these messages, I would *officially* not have a life.)

“I don’t think you understand how big of a waste of time it is for guys to write out a huge message and not get a response.”

I had never mentioned anything about a huge message either-   I also disagree with those.. but anyway:

“Same for girls..”

“Well what’s up then? What you want, what’s your deal?  I just created my profile and looking for any cool chicks on here. It’s my understanding most just want to chat and never hangout haha..according to the homies that is”

“That’s because you are on POF.. and most guys on POF are only
here looking to get laid. If you are actually looking for a
relationship, I’d recommend trying OKCupid.”

“Naw I couldn’t handle a relationship right now…laid doesn’t sound to bad lol”

 

Once again – the reasoning behind why I call POF “The Meat Market.”

 

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