“Man I would love to completely dominate your pussy. Lick and suck your clit.fatal domination on your pussy. Do you want a good time and a sensual fuck!”
Fatal domination? You know, I am not really partial to anything fatal of any kind. Especially in that region..
Talk about another case of why cats are going to soon take over the world.. and, I mean the “Meow” kind, and not the pussy kind. (However, we could probably figure the pussy type has long owned the world.)
Online dating shouldn’t be rocket science. Seriously! You go online, actually read a profile, look at photos and determine if you think you’d like the person. If so, send a message that is preferably NOT a form letter. If not, move along to the next. Have discussions, ask questions and get offline in a reasonable time to determine if there’s “the spark” or whatever. (I put quotes around “the spark” because I don’t necessarily believe it’s always there immediately. I take awhile to determine if there is a spark, personally.)
I got this message:
“Hey I’m Luke not sure if I’m your type but just stopping by to say hi ;)”
Okay.. short and to the point.. I get it. Guys don’t receive messages back far more often than girls – so they have to send a higher amount to actually get a response. Because of this, they get lazy and send the same message to everyone. Fine.. I will still complain about it, and still blog about it.. But, I get it.
So what’s my issue, then? This guy’s profile has absolutely ZERO information about him. Well geez, Luke.. I don’t know if you’re my type either. I know absolutely nothing about you, other than your first name and what your face looks like. I have nothing to work with – therefore, I am going to just go out on a limb and guess that you are NOT my type.
Good grief, online daters.. Common sense would indicate have SOMETHING on your profile if you really expect to hear back from people.
“Your the one for me……This is for you sweetie. Beautiful, charming, elegant, intelligent, classy, attractive, seductive, sexy,
respectful, open minded, fascinating, amazing, awesome, ravishing, appealing, alluring, glamorous, generous, sensual, adorable,
lovely, gorgeous, dazzling, striking, wonderful, fabulous, brightly shining, breathtakingly admirable, heavenly, divine,….. I find no
words to express the extremely overwhelming beauty you are blessed with, because those words will probably never be
invented…PERIOD!”
Now – quite obviously this was a form letter.. but with THAT much flattery, I figured the least I could do was thank him.
“Aww, well thank you. That’s very sweet.”
“ARE YOU REALLY SINGLE THERE KNOW WAY…..
WOULD U LIKE TOO CHAT SWEETIE???”
I had logged off before I even saw that message, and went back on later. 5 minutes after sending the message above, he had sent another:
“Your the one for me……This is for you sweetie. Beautiful, charming, elegant, intelligent, classy, attractive, seductive, sexy,
respectful, open minded, fascinating, amazing, awesome, ravishing, appealing, alluring, glamorous, generous, sensual, adorable,
lovely, gorgeous, dazzling, striking, wonderful, fabulous, brightly shining, breathtakingly admirable, heavenly, divine,….. I find no
words to express the extremely overwhelming beauty you are blessed with, because those words will probably never be
invented…PERIOD!”
D’oh!
(In other news, HAPPY BIRTHDAY #31!! April10 – since my blog is on GMT)
“would you like to see my tungsten carbide bone scissors. i have an excess of clown baby corpses right now. They keep drowning in my pool, I use them as fertilizer and I could let you have some.”
Holy cow… what? I even googled this before posting in case it was another message to a mailman that I wasn’t familiar with – but, no.
This message creeps me out! Why would you send something like this to someone? I mean, maybe if I mentioned hating clowns or something on my profile and wanting to see them all dead or something – but I assure you, my profile is pretty basic as they come.
“Hi! How are you?!… Sending this note hoping that after all those e-mails that you have been receiving you would have the chance to check mine 🙂 …
I like what I read in your profile, and you definitely have some nice pics here… So If you like what you read and see in my profile, please don’t hesitate and say hi anytime ok 😉 … Have a great weekend!
I am attaching some pics… hope you like them! “
This message was sent to me on OKCupid. If you frequent OKC, you are aware that you cannot send pictures in a message. This is a basic form letter that I had received plenty of times at PlentyOfFish. I am usually not one to fight back, but doggone it- POF and OKC need to be two different places for my sanity.
“How are you attaching photos?”
“I am good 🙂 … How your weekend is going?…”
“Want to re-read that maybe?”
“What is your problem smarty pants?”
“My problem is that firstly, you sent me a form letter. You didn’t attach photos, as you have no way to do that on this website.
My second problem was that I asked how you were attaching photos, and you neglected to read “attaching photos?” and instead just read “How are you” and responded to that.
Perhaps you should go back to POF.”
“Nope I am having more luck in ok cupid… Maybe not with you… Be happy is happy Easter! … ;)”
At very least, I am glad that he has proved my point that OKCupid is WAY better than PlentyOfFish.
“I am very happy – but since I am a firm believer that OKC is the better place to be, I feel it necessary to tell you to at least update your form letter.. and become classier yourself, and you will have even BETTER luck.”
“Thanks for the advice”
..I highly doubt he will take it though.
Someone flagged the following message they received from a tool on OKCupid:
“Your mouth looks big enough to fit my cock.”
I really wish this message would have came to my inbox. I don’t ever report people – I would in the instance of a porn bot, but girls don’t usually come in contact with those. I think I would have had a lot of fun responding to this.
After a few moments of consideration, I am fairly certain my response would have been: “That small, huh?”
Another classy first online dating message:
“what would you do if you came home and found a 30 year old guy in ya bed naked”
Sadly, this question is missing way too much detail to be able answer as honestly as possible.
First of all, who is this 30 year old guy? Is he my boyfriend? Because in that instance, the answer could easily be jump into bed with him. Is he this user who is a complete stranger to me? Because then I would probably scream and call the cops. Is this thirty year old guy a movie star?
What is the purpose of him being there? Does he hear me scream and realize he is in the wrong house? I may not call the cops in that instance.
Where are his clothes? How did he get in? Is anyone in the house with me? Does he say anything to me? Do I have a gun?
See- too many unanswered questions to even consider answering this.
Part of me wishes that I was more promiscuous, because the social experiments I would conduct would be fascinating. Or perhaps just a gun to protect myself if things got out of line. But, instead, I will go based on what I know to be true by witnessing others.
I have said this before, but to remind you – even though I hate everything that is Plenty of Fish because of how gross it is – I try to “help out” my POF fans by telling them I would be more likely to respond if they mention my favorite TV show.
” have not seen the show..but if you ever need a boy toy..”
…And this guy’s profile says he is looking for a long term relationship…
Here’s what I don’t understand: Why do guys think that girls really don’t have any options? I mean, I understand the stereotype “She’s online dating, she must be desperate.” but seriously – if I was looking for a good time, I am pretty sure I could make that happen. (Again- no experience in this, because I am quite a respectable girl..) Doesn’t this just require a few fluttering eyelashes and whispering something a little suggestive?
So, what I am saying is this: If I was looking for a boy toy, I wouldn’t go to a stranger on the internet. And, come on… even the website suggests that there are plenty of fish. I guess you miss the shots you don’t take, but really? What is the success rate of soliciting normal people for physical attention on online dating sites? Like I said, part of me wishes I thought that was a good idea, because I’d be doing some research.
Instead I wrote back, “Doesn’t your profile say you are looking for a long term relationship? Am I not worthy of one of those?”
“Aww, don’t say that. Of course you’re worthy of one of those. I’ve just been so darn busy lately and had a lot of my mind, and I’ll admit, I may be a lil in the mood here and there 😉 So please don’t take offense.”
Yeah- the answer is still no.
“You are more awesome than a monkey wearing a tuxedo made out of bacon riding a cyborg unicorn with a light-saber for the horn on the tip of a space shuttle closing in on Mars while engulfed in flames”
I don’t think he realizes just how well he hit the nail on the head! I am impressed with his active imagination.
I don’t think a monkey wearing a tuxedo made out of bacon would make it very far without eating said tuxedo however. =)
Only a few short hours after originally posting this, my dear twitter friend @journeythruokc tweeted to me: “I can’t tell what’s more lame, that you don’t know about the letter a kid wrote to a weatherman or that he stole material.”
Now, I pride myself on definitely not being up to speed on things that are viral. I catch wind far too late of everything “popular” for the most part. I am definitely okay with that – but of course I had to immediately look this up.
Dude – you had to steal a line from a school kid?!
I still vouch that I am more awesome than said monkey.. but geez.
“i dont meant any harm,,,but i love the way your titties hang and look”
I actually believe that this guy didn’t meant any harm.. however – I would advise against telling a girl that you love how her chest hangs. That is not a compliment. We don’t want the girls to hang.
When my friend Velvet read that, she started singing: “Do your titties hang low, do they wobble to and fro?” Yeah – that is SO not a nice visual.
Since we are on the subject, I also want to address a few points for my guy readers out there. I am sure if my girl readers disagree with any of these, they will comment and tell us so..
So – we’ve already covered that hanging means we could tie them in knots or bows, and that is not something we want to do..
Most strangers on the internet, except maybe porn bots, are going to be offended if you ask about them or make reference to them. You could possibly get away with a “You have a very lovely rack” maybe once, after you have talked to someone for awhile, but if you continue further, that’s what gets you blocked.
Our eyes aren’t down there. Surprise!
And last, but not least… after seeing some of the erotica J was sent when she had her fishnet leg photo up.. At least the women I have polled have all agreed with me that we cannot feel when the nips are saying hello. Suggesting “When I start to kiss you, you feel your nipples grow hard..” is ridonkulous.
No Instagram images were found.
Soon2BeCatLady