Soon2BeCatLady

So, I am pretty much in love with this message:

“After a rigorously brief overview of your profile, I wanted to let you know I have already married and divorced you in my mind.

Thanks for all the wonderful imaginary memories… you will always have a special place in my heart.

your ex-hubby,

Fernando

ps. You can keep the house in Hawaii but, I am going to need half our money according to our prenup. “

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!

It’s probably a form letter-  but this just makes me giggle!  Probably because I do the exact same thing of marrying and divorcing someone in my mind –  however, usually I talk to them first.

He better watch out though, or he could be reported as a scammer asking for money.  😉

A friend of mine was chosen to be a moderator on OKCupid, and lets me give my two cents from time to time.   I am actually quite surprised as to what goes on when someone is “reported.”

Most people who do the reporting are huge pansies.  Seriously.   People report others for messages similar to what I post on my blog.  Just because someone can’t spell, doesn’t mean they are a Nigerian scam artist.   Wanting to meet up with someone doesn’t break the rules.   Ignore the message and move on.    Or post it to a blog for the rest of the world to enjoy.

It’s funny too –  when the messages are offensive, or harassing,  the flagger usually fights back before reporting it.    Really?  You can’t report someone for harassment if you doing the same.

Several moderators vote on the fate of the reported user.. and some of them are equally as stupid.   You can’t let your emotions determine who should be deleted..   it should be clear cut – is there a violation to the rules, or no?   Most of the time, it’s no.

Online dating flaggers:   You are online dating.. People here are weird..  This is not new.

Good grief.

In hilarious online dating profile picture news:   http://twitpic.com/8nukja

I don’t understand why people online think it’s okay to say things that you wouldn’t say to someone’s face if you didn’t know them.   Just because you only see a photo of me doesn’t mean I am not a real person sitting at a computer.

Just as I was about to log off and hit the hay for the evening last night, an instant message popped up.

“What are you doing?”

“Just about to go to bed..”

“I wish I was going to bed with you.”

Oh my gosh, stop it!   Don’t say that!  That is so creepy it’s not even funny. (Okay, it’s a little funny..)   Seriously, though.   Guys – if you get a girl to respond to you – don’t be a pervert!  Save that until you know someone and they can learn to live with it.

When is that ever okay?   That’s why there are restraining orders.   I just don’t get it.

I totally feel like there is a possibility that I am being punk’d.    If that’s the case, mad kudos to the punker..  but I just don’t believe that this could possibly be real – however, I’ve been surprised before.

When I awoke from my slumber this morning,  I had an unread message from an online dater who lives about 400 miles away from me that was sent at 12:17am.

“Could we possibly get to know eachother more???”

This was one of those times where I decided not to respond –  I mean, let’s be honest.. 400 miles away?   It’s not like I am going to pack up my life and move when I own a house.. and I have no intentions of taking several road trips for the slight possibility of an online dating happily ever after.

On a break at work,  I had another missed message from this person.

“Why don’t you send me a message some time,,, I am itching to learn more about you!!!! “

Itching, huh?   Fine..

“Dear [Username], you live oh-so far away..”

“I am VERY willing to relocate,,, comon,,,just give me a chance… I know that you would like me!!! I am scared of snakes though,,,just saying,,,”

(The snake comment is because I have a picture of myself holding a snake as one of my profile pictures..  Yes, I am THAT badass.)

But.. willing to relocate?!  Maybe I am out of line here-  but that seems a little too fast.

Twelve minutes later I receive another message:

“Just give me a shot,,,I can do most of the traveling…I am willing to do that!!!”

“What does this ‘shot’ entail?”

“Getting to know eachother,,, taking you out to dinner,,,,stuff like that!!!
Honestly,,, I don’t bite,,,,I am actuall quite the gentleman!”

“I guess I am confused as to why you would want to drive six plus hours to meet someone off of very minimal information.”

“Because you seem like you are sweet and the kind of gal I have been looking for. And I’ll admit it,,,,I think you are pretty!!! “

…While he probably does have me pegged – I actually AM a big sweetheart – I bet most of my male readers are rolling their eyes at this moment thinking “Wow- wrong..  not sweet at all… total biznotch!”

At this point I actually viewed his profile.    According to the questions he has answered-  he has never been in a relationship.    The most private thing he is willing to admit to publicly on his profile is that he is “VERY gun shy as far as relationships go.”      That has to be a joke, right?  I mean, he is talking about relocating..     I feel like I need to help this guy out.. I mean, I AM a great catch and all – but yikes..

“That just might be how you are perceiving me though.”     *cough*  Hint Hint!

“Yeah,, but a person will never know unless they try,,,
I won’t hurt you,,, I was raised different!!!!
This whole thing is hard for me too, I have had my heart crushed pretty bad in the past as well!!!
By the way,,,what is your name? “

Raised different?   I am confused as to if he means he won’t physically hurt me, or if he means more of an emotional turmoil…  I didn’t ask.

“I don’t expect you would hurt me. Honestly, at this point I feel like, if anything, you may never leave me alone. It seems a little extreme that you don’t know me and are already talking about relocating.

My name is [Soon2BeCatLady]”

“[Soon2BeCatLady],,, that is a pretty name! I hjave thinnking about relocating for a long time now,,,even before I first messaged you.
Another reason is we are BOTH Christians!!!”

Oh no..  Oh no no no no no..

Alright – I best explain.   I most certainly consider myself Christian.   (I know.. the eyerolls, I can feel them..)   I have strong morals, but I am also very tolerant of others.   I believe my faith is a personal thing – and I am not going to try to sway someone into my belief system, and I expect that same respect.    I think religion and politics need to stay away from each other.   I don’t believe homosexuals are going to hell, and I don’t necessarily believe that if someone deems themself a “Christian” that they are a good person.  I believe I am quite open minded.  End rant.

This guy is a completely different kind of Christian than I am.    This is a total stereotype on my part – but he answered a question about his viewpoints on homosexuality with “all same-sex relationships are wrong”, which is what I am basing this opinion on.

I informed him that it concerns me that he is basing his interest in me based on my religious beliefs.  He told me, without detail, that it is only one of the many qualities he sees in me.   I just need to give him a chance, and again – he doesn’t bite.

He then asked me if I would like to exchange numbers – and gave me his.

“No.. I do not want to exchange numbers.”

And now he thinks he has made me mad..

OKCupid has a nifty block feature – I have a feeling I might be using it sometime in the near future.    This is just far too extreme for me.

Doing this project for awhile now, I have come across a few other online friends doing similar things as my blog, that I enjoy looking at when I am able.

I apologize I don’t have any super fun stories for you myself this evening-  I got wrapped up in another project and just am not feelin’ it tonight..  But give these people your attention – and share with me your favorites!

To those I have listed-   I would love to trade guest blog spots sometime..  Email me/Tweet me/Call me.  =)    soon2becatlady@gmail.com / @Soon2becatlady / I am not posting my number here, are you crazy!?

Twitter BFF @DatingMary blogs or “tumblrs” bad online dating screen names and funny tidbits and photos from people’s profiles:

http://badonlinedatingprofiles.tumblr.com/

Do you want your profile analyzed?   Another Twitter friend @InspectingCupid analyzes OKCupid’s users and posts about them.  We are already in the works of guest blogging for one another..   I may just let him analyze my profile for you all.  =)

http://inspectingcupid.tumblr.com/

Twitter user @CupidHatesYou posts similar stuff to me – but definitely responds back more to stupid messages than I do!

http://cupidhatesyou.tumblr.com/

What else is out there?

It bugs me when I get a message on OKCupid stating that a particular user has added me as one of their favorites.   Most of the time, I have never even seen this person’s profile, let alone have actually had any sort of conversation with them.

Adding a favorite on there is similar to adding a friend on Facebook.  It tells you when they are online, and will update you any time they add a photo, or change something on their profile.

To me, this message says “This person is stalking you.”    Why wouldn’t you at least say “hello” first, or opt not to allow the website to INFORM me that you are stalking me?   (There is an option.)    I added a favorite ONCE.    I elected for them not to get a message about it- and after about a week,  I removed them from my favorites, because the whole thing was creepy to me.

If you have no other way to contact a person, I see where this is a nice feature, because you can log on and IM them right away (if they happen to have their IM feature on..)   but other than that- it seems really stalker-ish.. ESPECIALLY when I have gotten several of these and never hear from these guys.

Weird… just weird.

I got a message from someone I have never spoke to before, asking me if the picture of me in a wig has always been there (it has..) because he hasn’t seen it before.    Umm..  little awkward..

To ensure that I, indeed, hadn’t chatted with him before – I went to check out his profile.   No – definitely not.

He is “just a tramp, looking for his lady.”

He is REALLY good at:

“Petting the dog

Mutual masturbation

Self masturbation

Cleaning naked

Being naked period

Jumping jacks

Not electrocuting myself

Being conscience of myself

The dog park”

After what would have been a COMPLETELY normal message otherwise –  this guy ruined it by ending his message to J with:

“To get things started, here are 5 bits of curiosity randomness:
1. Do you fold or scrunch your toilet paper?
2. Do you squeeze your toothpaste from the end or middle?
3. Big spoon, little spoon, bookends, separate, or some twisted amalgamation of various limbs and appendages?
4. What body part do you wash first?
5. What did you do for your last birthday?”

Curiosity randomness?

My question to this guy is – would any answer to these be deal-breakers?   J and I discussed – and really, we both feel that what we do in the bathroom is no one else’s business.

Really- the only normal question here is #5 –  but even so – kind of odd to be among the first questions asked of someone you don’t know.

Oh, internet dating, you still amuse me.

“How come some people (you) are so damn cute and other people (me) are so damn hideous? Lol”

Besides not really knowing what to say (his picture is the size of a thumbnail and he is “the guy in the middle” sans shirt) to this,   is it not more of a girl thing to fish for compliments?   I can’t see what he actually looks like to make a comment – and even if I could –  admitting he looks attractive will make him think I am interested when I am not.    Seriously, boys, the shirtless pictures have got to go!

I contemplated writing back “Genetics.”  but didn’t.  I don’t want to build him up, but I also don’t want to knock him down – at least to his face..  Publicly on my blog?  Duh..

Guys HATE it when girls fish for compliments –  but then they go and say stuff like “I’m so damn hideous” and do it themselves.   How does that make any sense?

Honestly, if someone doesn’t think they are attractive, nothing anyone says is going to change their mind – so what’s the point?   I think this guy finds himself attractive and loves hearing girls reaffirm his decision..  I mean, hello,  if you are confident enough to post a shirtless photo – you probably think pretty highly of yourself.

In a world that is quickly turning paperless – I was surprised to see this “Six Things I Could Never Do Without:”

“Paper clips, Money, clean socks, communication device, Google, and oxford commas”

I was intrigued, and decided I couldn’t just live with someone not wanting to do without paper clips, especially after lack of mentioning paper.     Maybe I was missing some very fascinating use of paperclips.

“Out of curiosity: Why could you not do without paper clips, but apparently could do without paper? “

“Because I could do without paper. But since I have to deal with paper and papers, I could not do without a way to manage them. The logical connection between the two not being mutually exclusive.”

“…doesn’t necessitate any binding relationship between the two.”

“Okay.  Fair enough.”   –  This was totally not the answer I was hoping for or expecting, but.. he was nice enough to answer my question.

“also for SCIENCE.”

…And now we know…