Soon2BeCatLady

I am stuck, and am not really sure what to do.

I have been talking online to a guy for a few days- He is super nice, and we have had some interesting conversations back and forth.   He is older than me by about a year, so all is gravy in my age snobbishness.   Before now, I would have had no issues meeting up in person to see if there was anything there.     I don’t fall or crush easily – and without actually meeting someone I would have no idea.

He mentioned working yesterday – so I asked him what he does.    He works in retail.   While I did automatically cringe, I understand that times are tough right now – so that is not a total deal-breaker.    I asked him what his dream job is.   He doesn’t have any idea.  But, he enjoys going to work.     ….And now it becomes a deal-breaker….

A little about myself:   I have a good paying job that I LOVE.   I have a side business.  I own a home, and have for 3 years.   All of this is information on my online dating profile.  I USED to work retail when I was a teenager.    Retail is a job you are supposed to grow out of.   I consider myself very driven, even thought that wasn’t always the case.

I don’t want anyone to take this the wrong way –  so I do want to point out that it’s not that retail is horrible pay (even though retail IS horrible pay..)     It’s that he doesn’t seem to strive to want something better.   I can’t handle that.   I’m not saying he needs to have life figured out by any means – but a general direction of where you’re headed helps.   I can’t become a life coach, or a guy’s mom.

So any ideas in my head that I might be pleasantly surprised by someone online has come to a screeching halt and I’m over it.   Here’s my problem:  How do I tell him that without being a bitch?

Please, internet… Advice?

I got a message from a 42 year old.    While I prefer to date people older than me,  this is currently too old for me.

“Hi, Could we just chat? Thanks much. Happy NY!!!”

I hate responding to these kinds of messages – because more often than not – they suck, and it’s a waste of time..   But – he just wants to talk to me?  …Alright, I suppose…

“Chat about what?”

“Whatever.. Would you care to meet as friends? Thanks much.”

What!?   No.  We are not friends, so we are not meeting as friends.

“Considering I do not know you at all, no I do not wish to meet up. “

“lol, That’s why you meet:) Any 1 can say anything on here but I do understand. Ask me anything. Thanks. Take care.”

No –  that’s why you talk ONLINE first.   If you can’t pass my pre-screening through written word,  I am not wasting my time to meet someone in person…

So let me get this straight –  this guy wants to chat with me,  yet he wants ME to do all the work as to decide what to talk about.   Are you kidding me?     Is that not like going up to a complete stranger and saying “Okay, talk to me about something.. I don’t care what it is..”?    No one does that!   I cannot possibly be the only one who thinks this is absurd.   I also hate when people talk to me online and ask me questions, and then say “Okay, now you ask me something.”   No –  if I had something to ask, I would have.

Guys will try anything I guess…

“cbvbczxcvZXVCvCXvzCczXczcf”    (Yes, for real.. I do not make this shit up.)

“Indeed.”

“My name is Sean, you are?”

Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude –  we are SO not having a conversation that started with you banging your junk against the keyboard..

“How old are you?  You look like you are 14.”

Okay- for the record- I am NOT 14,  in case anyone is legitimately concerned.  I am over 18, and younger than 30… and closer to 30 than I am to 18.

“You caught me.. I’m 14.”    Ahh.. sarcasm at it’s finest..

“You really shouldn’t be on these dating websites.   It’s not safe.  I should really report you, but I won’t if you promise to be careful.”

Oh good lord..   Granted, very sweet that this guy wasn’t a creep if he ACTUALLY believed for one second that I am 14 years old..   But… REALLY?!  REALLY?!  Maybe it’s been awhile since I was the age, but unless a 14 year old was seriously messed up – I really don’t think they pose as adults in online dating..    And,  if they did,  I think it would be pretty apparent based on writing style, as well as photo.  (And I don’t really look 14.. WTF?)

I will preach to the death that I am not a fan of form letters online..  but if you are CLEVER with them-  I am all for them.    If you are a guy who finds a way to prompt a response from people in a clever fashion:  I am a fan.

I knew the message I received was a form letter – because, well… obviously..  and also because while I was looking for people to follow my Twitter account, a girl had mentioned this exact message in a tweet.

“So, obviously you passed the aesthetics test or shallow men (such as myself) would never contact you, but a buddy of mine was looking over my shoulder and claimed that – without a doubt – your profile looked to have been written by a guy; it’s just too perfect, minus the incompletion. He claimed that any account with so little information is a dead giveaway. I came to your defense, of course, but now we’ve got a $20 bet going as to whether or not you’re real. So I wondered, just between us, am I about to lose $20?”

This guy is a GENIUS!   He is playing up the fact that guys get messages from spam bots… saying that “a friend”  is dissing her, and then “standing up” for her. I am not being sarcastic –  I think he is outrageously clever.   I mean, and honestly,  if a girl really believes that message…  there’s other issues there.  Seriously.. that is hilarious.     I wrote back:

“Haha!  I heard about you..”     Because I did.. through the twitterverse.

I asked him if he gets a high rate of response with that message- and he said yes, indeed he does.   …And that does NOT surprise me.

Kudos…  just kudos..

While I believe that the internet is probably the greatest invention of all time, I think it is also, perhaps, the worst.

“Hey there. I just saw your profile and thought that I’d say hi. I am a police officer here in [city]. I am married but looking for a discreet, no strings relationship. If you might be interested I’d love to chat sometime. If not then I am sorry that I bothered you. I hope to hear from you soon.”

Can I just say how outright disgusting I find this?!   The internet has made it far too easy for people to cheat on their significant others, and it bothers me to no end.  I will say that is also a lot easier to get caught..  but, why do people think it’s okay?!  It’s NOT.  If your marriage is THAT bad, then you need to either work it out, or leave it.

Don’t even get me started on if you are a single person who is the “piece on the side” to a married person.    I don’t care what kind of sob story they give you –  until it’s over on paper- it’s not over.  (And even sometimes then it’s not over.)

I hate losing faith in humanity.

In real life – I am probably one of the most naive people you ever met.. and some people (*ahem*… J…   and others..) enjoy taking advantage of this.    I have done the online thing long enough that I don’t seem to have this problem online.   I immediately assume the worst.

“Hi ,Im Jon .I dont usually reach out but I saw your smile and read your profile and somthing just happened .happy new year!”

…..And “something just happened?”    Umm……  1) That’s what she said..   and 2)  I do NOT want to ask.

I got a message the other day that said “Hi, how are you?”    I had a moment or two, and responded back a very boring “Fine, and yourself?”

I have exchanged about 10 messages back and forth – all which thank me SO much for responding- and have absolutely nothing to them.   I know nothing about him, he knows nothing about me..  and he keeps telling me he is surprised I keep responding, as normally girls stop responding after two messages.

As if the constant “I don’t know why people don’t respond” and “Thank you so much for still talking to me”  isn’t annoying –  what’s extra annoying is that I AM responding to him – and he can think of nothing else to say.   That is why no one responds after two or so messages.   Messages need substance if you want them to continue.

He lists himself as “easy to talk to” and “has no problems starting a conversation.”

Young people of today need lessons on how to interact with people and have a conversation.   This is a skill that is quickly diminishing.

A lot of messages I get say “Do you date ____ guys?”  Fill in the blank…   I would say I’ve seen it all – but then someone will go and surprise me.   Quite honestly,  if I am looking for anything at all – I certainly don’t know what it is.   And, right now I am at peace with that.

I do know, however,  that I wouldn’t want to try my luck with someone who considers himself bisexual.   (I apologize if that offends any of my readers..)  I have known people who have done this – and having several good friends who are homosexual –  I just can’t do it.

**Edit:   Because this became a topic of discussion on Twitter-  I want to clarify that my reasoning behind not wishing to date someone bisexual is strictly due to I don’t want to be in a position where I could possibly lose a guy to another guy.    I have seen this happen, and not saying it would:  but I don’t want to take that chance, because I have seen how bad it hurts.  (Not to say that losing someone to a female isn’t as bad..  overall, it’s just a mental thing.)     But, much like my “I don’t date guys with kids” thing,  if the right person were to come along, I believe it to be something I could look past.

So – today I got this message:

“your beauitufl would u date a bi man?”

Grammar and spelling completely set aside,  I respond:

“No, I am sorry.”

“No don’t be sorry that’s bgood… I’m straight”

Uhh……  ??????   Is it wrong that I find that to be bullshit?

May 2012 bring some good stories-  whether they be crazy or not.  =)

OKCupid – a free online dating website – (No, I am not endorsed.. I just refuse to pay for this nonsense..)  has a lot of questions made by users.   You select which of the multiple choice answers best fits your answer, and then select which answer you require in a match.    This is good in theory, but most of the questions are stupid – and honestly, most of the questions (at least for me) are very situational.   And some are just flat out bizarre.

As you, and other users, answer questions, it shows up on the front page, in a “Facebook” kind of way.    So, I logged on and saw that someone answered the question:

“Do you think women have an obligation to keep their legs shaved?”

He selected “Yes”  and commented:  “it hurts otherwise.”

I could go on to tell you that I disagree with this – but that’s probably because I am not a hairy beast..    (For the record:  I shave my legs..  just not daily.)   but that’s not the point.    I had to laugh at this-  because this guy has facial hair.   Anytime I have made out with someone with facial hair, it’s been painful.  And really,  playing devil’s advocate for girls needing to shave their legs because “it hurts otherwise”..  shouldn’t guys have to shave their legs too?

Honestly, I think this guy is just a wuss.