Excessive Messaging

7 Oct

I have all my online dating apps on my phone these days.  I know I could probably adjust my settings, but as it stands right now, my phone beeps every time I get a new message on any of these sites.  I need to know if my future husband has finally found me!

One of my biggest pet peeves in online dating is excessive messaging.  Give me a chance to read your message, process it, and possibly respond!

“If I could be king I’d take you as my queen”

“Okay, Eric Clapton.”

Keep in mind, the following messages were all approximately one minute, and one ding apart:

“Darn straight”


“Anybody that nows Eric Clapton is cool in my book”

“Shine it on my heart”

“And never dies alone with cats”

“Your pretty”


“Wink wink”


“What do you like to do for fun”

“I’m a secret Dave Matthews band fan jk”


He gave me about a ten minute break before starting up again. Ding! Ding! Ding!

“You guys”

“One thing about me is Im a cool guy and I need to stick up for myself a lot more”

“Easy to get along with”

“My profile kind of sucks I guess don’t go off that though”

“Your probably at work hit me up if your interested”

“I think you might be a little too intense for me.”

This conversation did go on forever.  I had saved screen shots of what I have posted, and tried to go back and find the rest, but must not have saved it.  Long story short, and similar to the rest:  I became the world’s fattest, most terrible person, in no less than 15 messages. And then begging for the next 15 messages, one right after the other.  Eyeroll.

Let’s briefly talk about one of his messages that stood out to me:   “My profile kind of sucks I guess don’t go off that though” — What!?!?  If your profile sucks, or only kind of sucks:  FIX IT.   Don’t point out the negative about what you’re selling!  Your online dating profile is marketing YOU.   Could you imagine if TV ads today were like “Try our toothpaste!  I guess sometimes it makes your mouth bleed, but don’t make your decision based on that!”

Bottom Line:  Sending a thousand messages after getting a green light comes across as very needy.  The only type of person I could see this working on is someone equally as needy, which will likely be a turn-off.   I know it’s exciting to get a response to your message, but CALM DOWN!



3 Responses to “Excessive Messaging”

  1. Paula Light October 7, 2016 at 9:42 pm #

    That happened to me once on OKC. Guy began messaging hellooooo hi hi hi! He saw I was reading his profile and got all excited. I said hi, give me a minute ~ funny answers. And then he was funny. We had a few nice convos. And we texted. He was real, with a full name and local business, but it seemed he never wanted to meet, only text funny things. Which would have been great if I’d been looking for a phone comic instead of a real tomance.


    • See The Journey December 15, 2017 at 12:55 pm #

      Some guys, especially those of us who are shy or not very confident, get excited at the prospect, but have a hard time pulling the trigger. It’s not that he didn’t want to meet up. It’s more likely that he was too shy to ask, or was afraid you weren’t really interested.


  2. Christopher May 19, 2017 at 6:38 pm #

    I’m fairly certain that I’m not a creep. That being said, I’ve always been aware, and very wary of the fact that many guys are. These sites are a crap shoot, and anyone who finds a lasting, meaningful relationship is either very lucky, or has very different standards from mine. That may sound self centered, but we all have standards whether we admit to it or not. My “luck” as it pertains to dating sites has been limited to a handful of brief interactions with women who seemed to be attracted to me on some level, and I to them. Then things either progress through conversation or sexual intimacy and one of us figures out that the attraction, whether it be sexual or intellectual, or a combination of things, isn’t enough to sustain anything more. I have found that part to be somewhat cathartic. I have found the initial engagement (creating profile, shopping around, introduction, engagement in conversation) to be the difficult and frustrating part. I feel that No matter how honest and (possibly) interesting I may present myself in my profile I can’t represent myself accurately enough. Then there is the messaging! If ever there was a more imperfect form of communication I would love to know! So much is lost through text that it has the potential to ruin what might otherwise be an inspiring and insightful conversation, with just a few words. I’ve stuck my foot in my mouth in person a few times, but it seems that on a dating site, the slightest misinterpretation of another person is more often a deal breaker than not. I have removed myself from any dating site I was ever on for the same reason I removed myself from facebook 8 months ago. As amazingly attractive, intelligent, well adjusted, funny, honest and good (the same applies to the negative) as people may portray themselves on an online dating website or other social media outlet, it ALWAYS pales in comparison the the real thing, good or bad. Not sure why I felt compelled to write this, or what even inspired me to find this blog, but thanks for giving me the opportunity to express my feelings on the subject. I wish you the happiest of lives.


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