Tag Archives: online dating profile

Shirtless Bathroom Selfie

9 Dec

Based on the title, it should be no surprise to you that today’s interaction is with a shirtless bathroom selfie dude.

“Hello there :)”

“Where’s your shirt?!”


He really should be lucky that I responded at all.  I don’t often waste my time with ‘hello’ messages.


“I know right lol but how are you”

“That didn’t answer my question!”

“Fuck your question if you like it move along basic ass female”


Well, that made no sense… Nevertheless, I’m sure Mom is so proud.

Scaring Them Straight!

20 Oct


As a woman on the internet, I get a lot of messages that are very complimentary towards me.  Sometimes I “have an awesome profile” and other times I’m “gorgeous.”  I always feel it necessary to send, at very least, a thank you.  It’s nice when someone goes out of their way to compliment you.

“You’re gorgeous”

“Aww, thank you!”

“You’re welcome. :-)”


We very well could have ended our conversation here.  That was certainly my intent.  But, something inspired him to write again:

“I wish I could bury my face between your legs”


WHY DO MEN FIND THIS ACCEPTABLE TO SEND TO A WOMAN!?!?!?!?  I assume the mindset is “I’d love it if a woman told me she wanted to spend some time between my legs.”   Most of us females don’t find that a turn-on from a complete stranger.  (Or even not complete strangers.)  I’m going to encourage you NOT to send that type of message to someone on the internet.

I wasn’t quite sure how to respond to this.  I could have ignored it, but then the blog wouldn’t be as entertaining.

“I have a court order against using men’s heads as a thigh master.  I’m NOT going back to prison!”


“Love the humor though”


All I can think of now is Prison Mike, from “The Office.”

Excessive Messaging

7 Oct

I have all my online dating apps on my phone these days.  I know I could probably adjust my settings, but as it stands right now, my phone beeps every time I get a new message on any of these sites.  I need to know if my future husband has finally found me!

One of my biggest pet peeves in online dating is excessive messaging.  Give me a chance to read your message, process it, and possibly respond!

“If I could be king I’d take you as my queen”

“Okay, Eric Clapton.”

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Making Decisions For Others

25 Aug

If you follow me on Twitter, or listen to any of my podcasts – you likely know I’ve been busy with relatives from overseas.  But, online dating doesn’t wait around if you have family visiting, so I decided the blog shouldn’t wait either!

First and most importantly – DatingAdvice.com wrote up probably the nicest thing anyone has ever written about me.  They are a website dedicated to all topics regarding dating and relationships, and I’d highly recommend checking them out.  (Especially what they wrote about me!  http://www.datingadvice.com/online-dating/soon2becatlady-hilarious-online-dating-blog  — and ESPECIALLY before reading the following online dating interaction.  I enjoy proof in the pudding that I honestly think online dating is fun, and I’m really not pessimistic about it.  Don’t let the lines on the screen fool you!!)


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Corny Dad Jokes

17 Jun

“Hey.  Our profiles don’t match up that well but… Hi my names **** I think they match up enough to kinda see what’s up.”

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#DateMe: An OKCupid Experiment

14 May

Yes, that’s me. I just don’t see where I’m going wrong in my quest for a man. 😉


What happens when a woman creates an obviously fake OKCupid profile, declaring her love for cats and only cats?

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ALWAYS Use Protection!

7 Apr

Today I present to you, my dear reader, a fun CatLady fact. On a random whim six months ago, I went to the optometrist. I hadn’t had my “Disney Eyes” checked since grade school, and was about to sign up for insurance and wondered if I should purchase vision coverage. (Oh Adulthood, you’re so fun!) I assumed I still had perfect vision, but when I was asked to read the letters on the wall with my left eye – my soul was crushed. I am now the proud owner of way more pairs of nerdy glasses than I’d ever be willing to admit. (Most women like shoes. I hate shoes. But give me ALL OF THE NERDY GLASSES!) This is necessary information for today’s online dating horror story. By the way, this post is NC-17.

As much as I would like to, I just can’t take Tinder seriously.

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Tips to Maximize Your Online Dating Experience

3 Jan

I’ve been told that the best time to online date is the first couple weeks in January.  This makes sense, of course:  New Years Resolutions.  Often times, we singletons pledge to work harder to fall in love.   After that first few weeks of the new year, most newbies are scared away.  (I would assume this is either due to crazy messages, or no messages.)

But, behold:  The ‘girl who’s probably going to die alone with cats’ tips to maximize your experience!

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No Bitterness Detected

29 Aug

Kudos to @DatingMary who came across this profile, that shows absolutely no hint of bitterness or frustration whatsoever:

About Me:

I am looking for a woman who will:

– Turn down the radio when I am driving in traffic to tell me about your friend who always seems to date the same types of jerks because she’s an idiot

– Change the playoff game so that you can watch a rerun of Gossip Girl

– Ask a lot of questions during movies

– Ensure everyone understands how bad animal products are

– Leave her face on my pillow case when she goes home so it’s like she’s still there


Inquire within.  Thank you.  Management


If you are applying, please include the following obligatory pictures of you:

– Kissing a dolphin

– In the color race

– Skydiving

– With a statue or wax figure

– By the pool or on the beach taking a picture of your “legs and feet”

– In your car from an angle so it shows the backseat…. preferably with a child in the back

– Taking a selfie with your cleavage being front and center while your profile clearly states you will not respond to booty calls or “hey sexy”

Extra credit for pictures of your dogs and cats by themselves, bonus points if they are dressed up

Geez… trouble in paradise much?

Aside from not being in the same part of the world, I wouldn’t be a good match with him, because I only have one of his required photos (which I am now considering removing..)

I certainly hope he finds what he is looking for.  Be careful what you wish for, ya’ll!



22 Feb

I am probably going to get some hate for this one.. but hear me out:   I have been on OKCupid for almost 3 years now.  A few days ago, out of sheer curiosity (and social experimentation for the blog, of course)  I added “Casual Sex” to my “Looking For’ list.   Creeps (and non creeps) are coming out of the woodwork.  My internet leg has been constantly humped over the last 36 hours.  And, definitely more to come on this!

“Hi! I am [Name], i am a fun outgoing smart ass ha. I loved your profile. Not only are you pretty,but you seem genuine, and that’s hard to find on a dating site. I am sure you get a ton of messages a day. So if you could just message me when you have some free time that would be cool.
I hope the site hadn’t discouraged you too much. Anyways I would love to get to know you. How was your day?”

Now..  if you’ve read me before – I make it a point not to respond to messages that could have been copied and pasted.  I also mention this in my profile.   So, that, along with this guy says he is a smart ass.. I felt like I could be a smart ass back..  If he was worth knowing, he’d probably laugh about it:

“Thank you for your form letter. Please know that the time you took to copy and paste is very much appreciated. Hope you are having a great day!”

“Copy and paste? Are you serious? Wow have some issues with the site to accuse me? That was me. But I take it back. You obviously aren’t genuine”

I obviously pushed a button, because not even 30 seconds after receiving his defensive response:

“Wow why did I even message you. Look at me. Then look at u. Lol. Yeah that’s not a good match”

“And now I know how you handle some push back.
I think you should reconsider considering yourself a smart ass.. I clearly have you beat in that arena. Best of luck to you.”

“You clearly have me beat in the waist line too”

“Is that supposed to hurt my feelings or something?”

“Hey if you are proud. Just go with it”

“I am just curious at what you are trying to accomplish by telling me I’m fat?”

“Ha conversation over. I won. Bye”

“I guess that’s a matter of opinion. Have a nice day.”

“You got all hot and bothered ha”

“Not at all..  If that’s how you “win” conversations… There was no contest from the start.”

I honestly don’t know how one would “win” a conversation.

“Damn you are still talking? U got served”

“Oh.. Good.  My expanding waistline could use a serving.”

..And he didn’t respond after that one.. So.. I guess I won?

If you can’t take online dating with a grain of salt, and have to resort to name-calling and/or “bullying”..  You should reconsider online dating as a source of meeting people.