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No Need to Stoop to Their Level

12 Dec

I do think that sometimes people send the things they do to see what reactions they will get.   Don’t get me wrong, I think some are legit requests as well..  but, I like to be optimistic and hope the population really isn’t as stupid as online dating makes them appear.

That being said – Ladies..  You don’t need to stoop to the level of the morons.   That’s like feeding the animal – it will come back for more.  Ignoring someone, at least in my experiences, will always piss someone off more than responding.  (Online Dating or not..)

Take the following reported interaction, for instance:

“Can I please see a picture of your vagina?”

(Right.. because your manners are definitely going to give that request the edge it deserves..)

“hope your dick gets caught in a meat grinder.”

…Really?  REALLY?!   Was that appropriate or necessary?   But-  as I said, it just adds fuel to the fire, because the next day:

“Just wondering If you have changed your mind since yesterday?”

Interesting how the person who instigated the whole thing doesn’t seem as moronic anymore…  She reported him, and I’m not going to vote to delete him, because she was far more crude than he was… and no shit he wrote again,  he got a response the first time.

Can we all just try and keep it classy please?

 

My Hot Date with a Doctor

11 Dec

Best to familiarize yourself with this gem before reading further.

Despite every part of my soul wanting to reschedule this appointment with a different doctor – I decided to keep it, because I had a suspicion this could make for a good story.

Now, before I get any further – in case any of my male readers don’t fully understand what happens at the gynecologist, and why I was now even more mortified to go..  Allow me to explain.   Every year, us girls go in for our annual “physical”   which consists of talking to our doctor, donning a paper robe and putting our feet up in stirrups so the doctor can take a good look at the plumbing.   And by “a good look”  I mean so much as to put a metal clamp up there,  open it up, scrap the insides with a long toothpick and also take a feel around.  While you might think this could be a pleasant experience – I assure you, it’s not.  We also have to whip the girls out and doc feels around to make sure there are no questionable lumps, etc.

I wasn’t quite sure what I was going to say at this appointment..  but,  luckily I am quick on my feet.

“So, CatLady,  are you sexually active?”  (This is a normal question..)

“Well, I’m no porn star.”

That comment caught him off guard, and he asked what I meant.

“Oh, sorry..  Just a joke.  I’m trying the whole ‘online dating’ thing and a guy sent me a message about a week ago asking me if I was a porn star.”  And then I raised my eyebrow, with a smile, of course.

His face immediately turned a color red that I have never seen before.

“Oh.. well.. That’s…… awkward.”

“Yeah, it was.  I think he’s a doctor, too… But, no.. no new sexual partners to report..  I’m not a porn star.”

“Okay.   I will leave the room while you undress.  Hop up on the table when you are ready and I will be back momentarily.”

I undressed,  put on my paper gown and sat on the table.  Per the usual,  there was some waiting around, and I started planning my next move to make Dr. Dumbass as uncomfortable as possible.   There was a knock at the door, and a female doctor came it.

“Hi, CatLady.   Dr. Dumbass had a phone call he needed to take, and asked me to take care of your examination today.”

Hahaha!!  Of course he did..  The new doctor was very nice, and she even told me that Dr. Dumbass mentioned that I was trying online dating.  Fighting back laughter, she told me that she’s glad I haven’t reached porn star status.  I have a feeling she isn’t going to let him live this down anytime soon.

Oh well, I was going to tell him that it was high time we see other people anyway.

Should I Get Back Together With My Ex?

8 Dec

Because I like to see how people’s minds work – I asked my Twitter followers today to give me a list of pros and cons of going back to one’s ex.  The majority of my responses included something along the lines of, “There are no pros to doing such a thing.”

If there are no pros to going back to someone – Why do so many of us do it, or consider doing it?  (Although, I would argue there has to be some sort of pro.. I am not claiming to know what it is.)

I think there are several types of “Getting Back Together” reasons.    There are reasons that would permit me to give it a try, and there are reasons to make me avoid it like the plague.    I have watched numerous people I know attempt the “Let’s try it again” avenue, and I will be the first to say that the success rate is low.

I really liked what my Twitter follower @thebitchdesk had to say on the matter:   “#OldLadyAdvice The problems that were there initially don’t go away. You either accept/deal or are unhappy again.”     I think this defines it nicely.   If you can accept your ex’s faults, I think it’s okay to proceed.

This topic sparked my interest because I saw a “Some E Card” that said:   “How did we manage to stay together for 65 years?   —  Because we were born in a time when if something was broken we would fix it, not throw it away.”    It’s a valid point..  at some point,  our culture turned into a lazy one –  It seems we all want everything without having to work for it.   I know of no romantic relationship that is easy.

So – why do we humor the idea?   Perhaps because we know that, although rare, it might work out and we want to try and beat the odds?  Perhaps because we didn’t realize what we had until it was gone?

If it’s because you are lonely or horny –  My advice is steer clear.

Let’s discuss!

 

**Edit:  I also want to add in that I keep hearing “People don’t change.”   I disagree.   While, there are some truths to us that do not and will not change – I don’t think that people initially meet someone and are lying about who they are.  You fell for the person for a reason, right?**

Out of Place

5 Dec

Today’s horrible message was sent in by @HotGirlsGuideTo of http://www.hotgirlsguideto.com/   Go pay her some love.

“Your lips, your tits, your eyes and your beautiful hair have inspired this message, and your gorgeous face.  In fact, you’re just angelic with your beauty to be frank. And I have just the perfect thing for someone like you.

We’d move my couch to the middle of the room with the tile flooring in my home. Then I’d love to lace you up in roller blades.  You’d lay down on the couch, face down, ass up.  My hands glide across your back, rubbing out, gently and warmly, all of your knotted muscles.  Then my hands slide down both your arms and pin your wrist down to the frame of the couch, and I’d slip into your pussy, and relentlessly pound you.

If the words I wrote for your beautiful white ass excited you, I have an empty house tonight, text me at ***493****”

Now, this is a message that doesn’t really surprise me..  I see them all the time.. but the question on everyone’s mind should be:  Rollerblades?   ..What?

Not that the message would be better without mentioning she’d be wearing rollerblades.. but, it just makes no sense.   Is that supposed to aid in the experience, really?   And good grief, I hope she doesn’t squirm in this scenario.  I can’t imagine getting kicked in the junk with a rollerblade would be pleasant.

So very weird..

 

I Think I’ve Seen You Before..

4 Dec

I understand how maddening it can be to recognize someone and not be able to place them.. but suggesting the following is going a bit far..

“Seriously, will you marry me?  Also, gosh a balls out chick like you ought to be doing porno. Wait, are you already a porn star?”

..Especially when you keep in mind that this message comes from my insanely attractive gynecologist, who I am scheduled to see in about two weeks.  So now the question becomes, do I keep said appointment and discuss this proposal,  or do I find a new gyno?

….FML….

 

Why Standards are Important

3 Dec

I get a lot of grief from guys who read my blog about my stance on form letters.  They argue that girls never respond to personalized messages, and they have to send out hundreds of generic messages to get a single response back.

My argument back is that if you are sending a message (*cough* resume) to 100 girls.. you are desperate, and attempting to settle.

The following form letter did not come to me, but was a message reported on OKCupid:

“Hey, you seem like a really cool, genuine chick. I don’t really know the protocol of this whole thing, I’m new to the site, but I’d love to hang sometime if you’re down. Also, I realize this message is incredibly awkward, so I’m sorry about that. I’m [Name], by the way.”

The girl who reported the message did respond.  She introduced herself, made mention of his clever user name, and then asked what he likes to do in his spare time.   To which he responded:

“In my spare time I like to get my fuck on with pretty girls like you.”

Call me a bitch all you want, but I would not have responded to his initial message.   If you can’t put ten seconds worth of effort into a message to personalize it – then you aren’t worth my time.    Ladies, I implore you to do the same – that way, people quickly learn they need to step it up a notch.

Golden Showers

2 Dec

I suckered you in with that title, eh?  Sadly, people of internet dating really leave me no choice..

“Lol totally random, but if you were seriously dared to give someone a “golden shower” and got $8,000 to do it. Would you chug water and do it. Say eww no and freak out. Or probably slap them and walk away laughing or feel offended for them saying such a thing?​”

First things first..  When you are asking a question,  question marks are grammatically correct.

Secondly,  I didn’t think giving someone money to do something was considered a dare.

Thirdly,  I don’t “get” what intrigues people about peeing on another person, and it’s not something that excites me, by any means..  But.. for $8000?  Sure, I’ll pee on you.  –  That’s all I’m gonna do..  and I need the money up front, and cash only please..  but – I sure could clear off some debt with 8 grand.

Would that be considered prostitution?   Because, if I could get arrested for it.. I might change my answer.

Good Ol’ Daddy Issues

30 Nov

“I’m curious to know what age you started having sex, and are the daddy issues from when he took advantage of you and played with your little pussy growing up? Or whether he just fucked you like a good girl when no one was home? Either way, I think it’s fuckin sexy as hell. Let me know, I’m quite interested.”

Woah, woah, woah..  (Or as @JourneyThruOKC will correct me later via the Twitter..   Whoa, whoa, whoa..)

Who sends this stuff?!  Again,  I don’t read many girls’ profiles, but I am pretty sure most don’t advertise “Daddy Issues.”   (Am I wrong?)   ..Unless they are a spam-bot, of course..

Maybe he sends this type of thing to see what kind of responses he gets..  But still.. wow.  Makes me fearful of his future children, that’s for sure.

What’s Wrong with Vegans?

29 Nov

“Well at least you aren’t a vegan

Well u look crazy as shit

Anyways I think ur hot and would like to improve if life with my awesomeness”

 

If this message doesn’t confuse the masses, nothing will.    Or what about:

“I’m a plumber and you like plumbing mmmm hi what’s your name​”

Well, shoot.. I hope everyone at least appreciates plumbing (of the indoor variety..)  but still, not the best opening line.

 

I got nothing-  I got a fever tonight..  Off to play my cowbell.

Favorite Books

28 Nov

An old friend of mine joined the ranks of OKCupid recently, and sent me a message on there.  Normally,  it weirds me out when people I know message me on an online dating site,  but not him.   I think this is because I don’t believe he has a judgmental bone in his body.   He is very easy to be around, and to talk to.  I have always been comfortable around him.

Moving right along,  tonight I got another message from him:

“UGH

I understand we all have hypocrisies about us, but I’ve seen multiple profiles that list 50 Shades of Grey immediately after the Bible as their favorite books.

What am I supposed to make of that?”

 

Now that right there fascinates me.  I’ve said it again and again, I don’t go looking at chicky’s profiles.. because girls are not what I’m after.   But, really?  — And I’m not trying to say that ’50 Shades of Grey’ is bad, or anything..  I’ve never read it, personally.  (I understand what it’s about..)   Those just seem at very extreme opposite ends of the spectrum to publicly list both as your favorite.

What is anyone supposed to make of that?   Is that their way of saying, “I’m a good girl during the day, but a freak under the sheets at night?”

Do any of you consider both of these books your favorite?  Does anyone have any thoughts on this?  My mind is blown.

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