Pet Name?

26 Apr

In case anyone was in the mood for a puzzle..

I received a message from a guy that said:

“Hi pancake baby”

…Hi pancake baby?!   What does that even mean?    I still cannot really tell if this is a compliment, or an insult.   On one hand,  pancakes are thin..  or flat.   On perhaps even that same hand,  pancakes are round.

I don’t think he is trying to tell me that I am flat and round.. because at least in a womanly standpoint,  I think it would be difficult to be both of those things together.

Because I am not a fan of pancakes (I know..I know..) I asked #31 what were some adjectives of pancakes.   He came up with flat, which we already addressed.    Fluffy –  I suppose when I buy my 14 cats I may be a little fluffy.. but currently doesn’t really fit.     Delicious, which I consider a debatable adjective, but for argument sake I really find it hard to believe that someone would refer to another as a “delicious baby”…  that just seems wrong.

#31’s last describing word was versatile.   I think it goes without saying that someone who calls a complete stranger “pancake baby” probably doesn’t know what that is.    Not to mention this was on Plenty of Fish, so really any implied intelligence points needs to be brought down a few by default.

So – I am at a loss..  Was this a compliment or an insult?

 

 

Disturbing..

25 Apr

So – apparently this is not an original, but goes around from time to time..    It’s absolutely disgusting, and the part that probably bothers me most is that someone actually at one point created this.

“I would strangle a moose with a 3 foot long piece of dental floss, gut it with my teeth and use the hide as a coat, then climb Mt. Everest barefoot while listening to Justin Bieber and cannibalizing on my climbing partner to survive with 10,000 volt shock-clamps attached to my nipples just to have a 1% chance to be able to eat a crusty piece of dried vaginal secretion from a pair of your panties from 6 years ago that had never been washed.”

Seriously.  Dear any guy who feels the same way:   Girls wash their clothes.  A lot.  Get a normal fetish and move on with your life.

Guarantee

24 Apr

“i can play your body like a finely tuned instrument – either the most pristine acoustic or highly charged electric instrument… i guarantee at least 2 climaxes for you. and i’ll leave quietly when we are done – it’s up to you let me know if we should meet again after that. 😉

if you are interested in a passionate and unforgettable experience, please give me a call at ***-***-****.”

I find it quite interesting that he thinks he can guarantee such things..   but I am sure this is another form letter.   Is he not afraid of STDs??   I certainly would be..

Copy and Paste Response

23 Apr

Pulled from the reported messages folder – this one is pretty good:

“Hello

I’m guessing my previous message got lost in the sea of “hey, how are you?” or “you’re so beautiful!!!” messages, so to make things easier, I decided to write up a quick copy-paste response for you so that we may get over this hump and continue on our exchange of witty banter. Just select which ever applies and I’ll respond accordingly.

1. Hey [username]! I’m sorry, I’ve just been extremely busy. I’m glad you wrote me back and I can’t wait to start talking to you… and you’re very cute.
2. Hey Hey Hey [username]! I’m sorry, my cat accidentally bit my monitor cable, and by the time I got a new one, your message must have slipped into the abyss, and I had no idea that you messaged me… and you’re very sexy.
3. Hey Hey Hey [username]!!I’m sorry, it’s just that I couldn’t believe such an amazing gentleman exists, and I’m convinced you’re just a robot sitting behind a monitor sending all these random messages out to women… and you’re very sexy.
4. I don’t find any of this funny. I take myself way too seriously and think you’re out of your mind… but you’re very sexy.

I look forward to hearing from you again. “

Not a bad overall message,   it definitely shows his humor.   I totally would have chosen one, maybe altered it a little, and responded.   I am curious to see what his response would have been.

Oh well.

A Woman for #31 & “Deal-Breakers”

22 Apr

Obviously I refer to #31 every so often, so if you aren’t familiar, please go back and read this.    I think pretty highly of this guy.

So, I haven’t even told him this yet.. (Hi #31!)  but I was cruisin’ OKCupid on his page searching for chicks for him.   He did once tell me that he is looking for someone like J (my friend who contributes a bunch to the blog.)  and even though I have no idea how to find a carbon copy of J –  I decided to look.

I came across a girl who probably isn’t at all like J, but very cute and seems to have a very confident personality, much like #31 himself.     According to OKCupid, they are an 87% match, 80% friend and a 12% enemy.

I almost messaged her for him… but, then came across this:

“You should message me if:

I would rather this say “don’t message me if”. And this would be my answer:

·You are a super religious
·You go to the gym more than four times per week
·You are shorter than 5’10
·You smoke pot or cigarettes
·You have children
·You are very politically conservative

I’m sure there are a few things I’ve forgotten, I’ll be sure to add them as I go. Yes, I am picky. You should be too!

This is the beauty of online dating. I can put all of my deal breakers on the table so neither of us has to waste our time. You’re welcome.”

*

…Woah…

I agree.. but only sort of.    I totally think that you can have a better handle on if something would work or not based on an online profile,  but – I will go on record as saying I know a guy who is 100% perfect for me on paper..  but in reality – not at all.

We all have deal-breakers.. and that’s okay..  but, I think we are more adaptable than we realize.    Before I ever started dating, I vowed I would NEVER date a smoker.. but, then I started seeing a guy and he charmed me in other ways that the smoking wasn’t so much of a deal breaker anymore.   I say that kids are a deal breaker, but really-  it depends on the guy.

And really, in the end, don’t we all end up with someone we never would have pictured ourselves with?   I think what we want and what we need are two completely different things.

I contemplated messaging her anyway- but she had the red light of death, and #31 holds more than one of her deal breakers..  So, I didn’t bother..  Oh well, on to the next.

A Long Thick Problem!?!

21 Apr

Just cuz, I figured I’d throw in a bonus post today..

“hello there. how are you doing. your beautiful smile and pictures got my attention. you gave me warm feelings, now i have long thick hard problem.
you look lovely and sssooo young, whats the secret ? smiles”

 

Eww..  T.M.I.   I really have no words for this one.  All I can do is shake my head.

Online Dating Tips

21 Apr

Sadly, those of you who read this on a regular basis probably don’t need this advice.. but I do often see what people search in google when they find my website, and some of that is disturbing…  So, on the chance that one of those may make their way to this post – I have decided to post some online dating tips.   They are in random order, and I request that my loyal followers comment their own as well!

1)  Pussylicker69  or anything along those lines is NOT a good online dating profile name.

2) You need a photo of yourself..  And not all photos can be you in a hat and/or wearing sunglasses.   We need to see your hair, and most importantly, we need to see your eyes.

3) Don’t solicit for sex.. that’s what Craiglist “Casual Encounters” section is for.  (And don’t use that if you are in a relationship.)

4) A message you write once and then copy and paste to everyone else is NOT okay.   This is called a form letter.

5)  “How are you?”  is not a good first message..  Girls get lots of those.

6) No pictures of your junk, for cryin’ out loud!

7)  Even after much back and forth messaging, it’s still not okay to turn into a pig, unless the girl does first.

 

That’s all I have for now… add your own!  Let’s make online dating a better place to be looking!

Call Me a Skeptic..

20 Apr

“wow you look perfect are you really single? If you were my gf i would be honest, have integrity towards you, never cheat and be faithful, make you breakfast in bed, buy and make you dinner and lunch, and treat you like a queen like you deserve and i will give the best sex ever”

You know,  I highly highly doubt all of the above.  It may start off all fairy-tale like, but it rarely stays that way..  and that’s a lot of promises made over looks alone and minimal information.

The sad part is,  really, that’s all a guy needs to ever do.   For one month, if that, be just amazingly nice to a girl.   Then, after that,  no matter what he does, she will always think he will eventually go back to being the sweet loving gentleman he was when they first got together.   Seriously.  It happens all the time.

And what’s worse is that we girls know this.

We KNOW the guy we are dating is a huge tool.   We see it too..  but he used to be so sweet.   And we “know” that eventually he will go back to his old ways of being Prince Charming.  And for those of you girls reading this who say you have never done that…  I call bullshit.   Or at the very least, I know you KNOW someone who is keeping some douchebag around because he used to be a super good guy.

You “nice guys”  (and I hate that term..) out there see it too.   Does “Her boyfriend’s an asshole.” sound familiar?   She knows.   But, he was a sweetheart like you once.  You’ve managed to maintain a long time being sweet,  certainly Asshole will go back to his roots.

I am guilty too, but ladies:  we need to stop tolerating this.   This is why we are destined to be divorced, or worse:  CAT LADIES.  If a guy stops doing nice things, and being amazing to you..  he’s got to go.   …But.. easier said than done.. I get it.

Sir, You Will Not Be Dominating Anything of Mine

19 Apr

“Man I would love to completely dominate your pussy. Lick and suck your clit.fatal domination on your pussy. Do you want a good time and a sensual fuck!”

Fatal domination?  You know, I am not really partial to anything fatal of any kind.    Especially in that region..

Talk about another case of why cats are going to soon take over the world.. and, I mean the “Meow” kind, and not the pussy kind.   (However, we could probably figure the pussy type has long owned the world.)

Up to NO Good.

18 Apr

While I thoroughly enjoy seeing people’s creativity when seeing their online dating user name.. other times, I want to bang my head against a wall.

When I saw that I had a message from user  8to9inches, I cringed before even opening it.   At least I didn’t really need to go to his profile to see what he was all about.. I guess that’s a perk.  (Of course, I did look at his profile though.. you never know when I am going to find a blog-goldmine!)   It still floors me that people so very openly looking for sex don’t bother to post a picture of themselves.   Suuuuure, I will meet up and sleep with you..  You just flag me down when you see me.

His message merely stated:   “DAMN!”

Classy..

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