ALWAYS Use Protection!

7 Apr

Today I present to you, my dear reader, a fun CatLady fact. On a random whim six months ago, I went to the optometrist. I hadn’t had my “Disney Eyes” checked since grade school, and was about to sign up for insurance and wondered if I should purchase vision coverage. (Oh Adulthood, you’re so fun!) I assumed I still had perfect vision, but when I was asked to read the letters on the wall with my left eye – my soul was crushed. I am now the proud owner of way more pairs of nerdy glasses than I’d ever be willing to admit. (Most women like shoes. I hate shoes. But give me ALL OF THE NERDY GLASSES!) This is necessary information for today’s online dating horror story. By the way, this post is NC-17.

As much as I would like to, I just can’t take Tinder seriously.

I love the pigtails

As you can probably guess, in one of my Tinder pictures, I sport some very foxy pigtails.

Thanks.

Any luck with Tinder yet?

Hahahahahahahahaha!!!

How many pairs of eyeglasses do you have?

Oh my goodness.. a LOT!

And always on the lookout for more – so if you have any awesome online glasses store recommendations, send them my way!

Do you ever use them as an eye shield during blow jobs?

REALLY, dude?! I was caught off guard, and wasn’t feeling particularly clever, so I had a contest among a few of my friends to determine the funniest way to respond to this.

What’s a blow job?

I probably should have known better than to respond with that.

Oh?  Innocent huh?  Its when you kneel down in front on me and i pull out my cock, you open your mouth and see how far you can get it down your throat, and start sucking and tugging on it, taking breaks to suck on my balls.  Sound familiar at all?

Classy. Super, duper classy.

“No!  You’re disgusting!  Besides, I don’t like putting little things in my mouth.”

Hahaha! Small penis jokes!

You might like it?

Fuck off.

So you do have a dirty mouth 😉

I quit.

 

12 Responses to “ALWAYS Use Protection!”

  1. kate April 7, 2016 at 1:41 am #

    Typical message from a tinder user. Try pof, if you’re serious about meeting decent people…. 😁😁😁😽😽👀

    Like

  2. SingleGirlsAnonymous April 7, 2016 at 1:49 am #

    Ewww. Online dating trolls are everywhere.

    Like

  3. mysocalledadventuresinonlinedating April 7, 2016 at 4:12 am #

    I love the “I don’t like putting little things in my mouth.” 😀

    Like

  4. Peanut butter April 11, 2016 at 7:57 pm #

    Like reading the script to a bad comedy sketch, I think you need Ricky Gervais for some tasty lines lol.

    Like

  5. lucycoopz April 13, 2016 at 10:29 am #

    The conversation sounds so typical from tinder guys! Is there any hope for us app-users t all? Guess you’ve gotta know how to match the right ones 😉

    (I wrote a thing about that myself)
    http://justadatingblog.blogspot.co.uk/2016/04/tindertuesdays-youre-only-getting-swipe.html

    Like

    • Peanut butter April 13, 2016 at 5:36 pm #

      I read your blog and good luck with your dating experiences, I have to admit I find it so interesting to read the dating game is so difficult, but social media hasn’t helped society lack social skills and face to face is too intimidating, it’s all text and snap chats how people convince themselves they know you. My daughter has no hope until meeting your future spouse does not change to how we did it.

      Like

  6. littlelotte7 April 21, 2016 at 12:22 am #

    Oh geez. What a pig! So many of those online. Speaking from experience. 🙄

    Like

  7. PopePhilly (@PopePhilly) April 28, 2016 at 5:05 pm #

    I’m late to this post, but I’m a big fan of http://www.goggles4u.com is my favorite place ever!

    Like

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  1. the Magazine scene – Sunshine Coast Entertainment Weekly - July 12, 2016

    […] ALWAYS Use Protection! […]

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