Tag Archives: fetishes

Shirtless Bathroom Selfie

9 Dec

Based on the title, it should be no surprise to you that today’s interaction is with a shirtless bathroom selfie dude.

“Hello there :)”

“Where’s your shirt?!”

 

He really should be lucky that I responded at all.  I don’t often waste my time with ‘hello’ messages.

 

“I know right lol but how are you”

“That didn’t answer my question!”

“Fuck your question if you like it move along basic ass female”

 

Well, that made no sense… Nevertheless, I’m sure Mom is so proud.

Word Vomit?

6 Dec

I talked about this exchange a little bit on my weekly dating podcast, “Nothing In Common.”   If you aren’t subscribed to that, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE!?

Anyway – sometimes guys will send messages without the intent of pursuit?  I don’t get it!

“Love the username”

He was correct in sending that, my OkCupid username is pretty epic.  (It indicates that I am going to die alone with cats.)

“Thanks.  I do too.”

“Mine should be toointensePeopleThinkHesFaking”

“I don’t get it.”

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Scaring Them Straight!

20 Oct

prisonmike

As a woman on the internet, I get a lot of messages that are very complimentary towards me.  Sometimes I “have an awesome profile” and other times I’m “gorgeous.”  I always feel it necessary to send, at very least, a thank you.  It’s nice when someone goes out of their way to compliment you.

“You’re gorgeous”

“Aww, thank you!”

“You’re welcome. :-)”

 

We very well could have ended our conversation here.  That was certainly my intent.  But, something inspired him to write again:

“I wish I could bury my face between your legs”

 

WHY DO MEN FIND THIS ACCEPTABLE TO SEND TO A WOMAN!?!?!?!?  I assume the mindset is “I’d love it if a woman told me she wanted to spend some time between my legs.”   Most of us females don’t find that a turn-on from a complete stranger.  (Or even not complete strangers.)  I’m going to encourage you NOT to send that type of message to someone on the internet.

I wasn’t quite sure how to respond to this.  I could have ignored it, but then the blog wouldn’t be as entertaining.

“I have a court order against using men’s heads as a thigh master.  I’m NOT going back to prison!”

“Lmao”

“Love the humor though”

 

All I can think of now is Prison Mike, from “The Office.”

A Very Intimate Question

7 Jun

I understand that the protection of the computer screen makes it easier to say terrible things to people, as you don’t get to see their reaction.  But, these guys have their faces, and names attached to this!  No shame, whatsoever.  5 years later and it still floors me.

“Can I ask you a very intimate question?”

“I don’t know.  Can you?”

I believe he meant “May I..”

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I Have An Answer For Everything!

23 May

I don’t really have much commentary for this one.

“Sex?”

“Female.”

“Cum”

“Can not compute.”

(Hehehe!! Beep beep boop,  I am a robot!)

“I want you”

“I am not for sale.”

“Grr”

“Ribbit!”

He gave up after that one.

ALWAYS Use Protection!

7 Apr

Today I present to you, my dear reader, a fun CatLady fact. On a random whim six months ago, I went to the optometrist. I hadn’t had my “Disney Eyes” checked since grade school, and was about to sign up for insurance and wondered if I should purchase vision coverage. (Oh Adulthood, you’re so fun!) I assumed I still had perfect vision, but when I was asked to read the letters on the wall with my left eye – my soul was crushed. I am now the proud owner of way more pairs of nerdy glasses than I’d ever be willing to admit. (Most women like shoes. I hate shoes. But give me ALL OF THE NERDY GLASSES!) This is necessary information for today’s online dating horror story. By the way, this post is NC-17.

As much as I would like to, I just can’t take Tinder seriously.

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Cougar Town

26 Feb

You want to know the absolute BEST way for a young woman of only 31 years to start her day?

By getting THIS online dating message:

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Ashley Madison Hack

21 Aug

AshMadAffair

Gentlemen of the world, I really hope that statistic isn’t true.  (And we know that the “100% Secure – Completely Anonymous” part is now B.S.)

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, by now you probably know that AshleyMadison.com, the website that encourages “Life is short. Have an affair.” was hacked and millions of user’s information has been leaked to the world wide web.

I wanted to share some words, thoughts, and some rules, for this whole ordeal..

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Sometimes You Need to Fight Fire With Fire

22 Mar

bridezilla-wedding-stress

I apologize that this is a long one, (That’s what he said.)   but after reading it aloud to some friends,  I am convinced it needs to be shared.  I am not normally in the market to mess with people..  but, sometimes you need to fight crazy with crazier… You’ll see.

This is easily one of my top ten posts on this blog, if not top five.  You’d really be doing yourself a disservice if you don’t click to read more!

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Threesomes

9 Feb

More from the files of “Online Dating is so damn difficult for normal people because idiots have flooded the market.”

“Hey can i ask your opinion on something”

“Okay.”

“I know this is random. Please take no offense and no im not asking for one.  What is your opinion on threesomes”

Yes, that is a random question, 20 year old boy from Georgia.  Why are you bothering me?  This better be for a school project.

“Personally, I am against them.”

“Jealous type?  Lol”

“No.  Are you done?”

“I reckom..”

For anyone out there trying to legitimately online date, I’m sorry that boys like this give the rest of you a bad name.

Arghghghghgghgghghgh!!