Soon2BeCatLady

My fan inbox was a little slow today, so I went to the moderation boards for some inspiration instead.   I laughed out loud when I came to this one and found it too funny not to share.

“Hey what’s up? Your gorgeous :)”

The woman who flagged the message replied:

“Thanks I’m flattered but you do realize you are young enough to be my kid. Good luck in your search.”

“Who gives a crap, pussy is pussy :)”

Haha!   Even old pizza is still pizza, right?

I got an e-mail from a twitter follower of mine (@seriousyoungman), asking me to give my feedback on a message he sent to a young lady on OKCupid.    I have been known to take requests, as long as if I feel it would benefit all of my readers that I can post it here for you all to see.. (and potentially leave feedback of your own.)

As you will see in the message he sent,  Nic is actually from England.   While I do have a strong British following, according to my stats,  most of my readers are from the U.S.A.   Those of you from the America side of things should know that the humor in England is very different than the humor here.

Keep in mind I don’t know anything about the recipient, or anything other than that.. I am critiquing as though this was a first message, and to me.  My opinion my differ from yours..  *My opinions are italicized.*

“Dear Miss,   Starts off like a  scam to me..  or at the very least a form letter.

My name is Nic d’Arcy. I am from Worcester. I am a 29 year old man. I am a man with needs. (I would already be turned away by this. I immediately assume physical needs, which really goes without saying.) These needs currently seem to be (in no order of importance): sleep; baked goods; and companionship.   (Okay- redeemed a little.  But- again without knowing anything about the actual recipient, I certainly hope that she listed “baking” as one of her favorite things to do.)

You would appear to be a woman, called [name], from Birmingham. A pretty woman. Nothing like Julia Roberts.  (Offensive.  Should have been “Much prettier than Julia Roberts” instead.)  And currently only 2D. Much like Pretty Woman – I don’t think Richard Gere’s nose would work in 3D… Your nose works no matter what. Even when pushed into the oinkypiggywigposition.  (I know this has to do with  about the original recipient.  The only thing I can comment is that I certainly hope she likes her nose.)   That’s quite some feat. 

I said this message would involve less nonsense. Oh gosh. Sorry. 

Would you like me to stop there? Let’s be honest – you probably won’t even get ‘this’ far…   (Although on one of my profiles, I say something like this:  I hate when people write this.  In this scenario, I see it to be fishing for a compliment..)  

Sorry for bothering you with rubbish.  (Another self demotion..)

I would very much like to get the chance to know you through this medium of the written word. If I were to be given the chance I’d seize it firmly with two hands and possibly bite your hands off.  (Creepy.) Metaphorically.  (Still creepy.)  Although I do like biting (not in the moody toddler way)(and noses)…   (I think people need to be REALLY careful with mentioning anything sexual fetish-wise.   People can be very touchy about that stuff..  so my advice is:  unless she starts that discussion,  steer clear until you know her.)

Byeeee  (I could go on the longest rant EVER about how I absolutely HATE when people – but extra if it’s a guy – put’s extra letters at the end of a word.. like “heyyyy” or “hiiiii”.   Don’t even get me started.)
Nicholas d’Arcy xx “

Alright Blog-o-sphere..  I know Nic would also appreciate your comments..  (And I always like hearing you agree with me!)

Also – if you have some sort of dilemma that you think I could help with (cuz CLEARLY I am expert..)   Shoot me a tweet, or an email at soon2becatlady@gmail.com.

I will warn you ahead of time.. I am really cranky while writing this… for no reason in particular.   I will go on record and say I consider myself batshit crazy today – but the good news is:  I understand that my mood swings of today are irrational.

Anyway…

I am sick and tired of guys complaining to me that the girls not interested in them while online dating don’t write back and say “No thank you.”

1)  Girls get WAY more messages than guys – most of us have lives and jobs.   Responding to every message on here would make online dating a full time job.

2) I have done this – and I get whiny responses back, or other times mean responses back telling me that I am a bitch for not giving them a chance.   If you guys would accept “No, but thank you for your time.”  It might just happen more often.

Every now and again though,  I will respond back if I am not interested with a reason why.   Take this form letter for example:

“Hi! how is your weekend going so far? I’m enjoying the break after a long week of work, and its actually sunny today which has been nice. We’ve been having a lot of rainy weekends it seems.
Well I don’t do this online dating thing much but I liked what I read and thought I would introduce myself.
I really love music, and the simple things in life, I don’t need a huge house or a bunch of possesions to be happy. I just enjoy being oustside or with my family, around a bonfire, going to see a movie or sitting at home.
I really dislike judgemental people and I try to see the good in everyone or at least see things from someone elses perspective. I’m very giving and trusting, so I can be pretty gullable at times.
I’m just looking for that chance to meet somone who could be my best friend and more, who can teach me more about myself and more about them. Whoa that got heavy there for a second lol, simply put if you want to know more message me and lets talk. 🙂 Have a great rest of the weekend!”

There were several reasons, form letter aside, that I didn’t want anything to do with this guy.

1)  He doesn’t need a huge house or a bunch of “possesions” to be happy.   Although I don’t think I have a lot of possessions,  I do already own a relatively large house.

2)  This man didn’t have a photo..

3)  I even went and read his profile –  he doesn’t want children.

So,  because I felt in a polite mood in my mood swing of a day, I responded:

“I’m sorry – your lack of desire to have children is a deal-breaker for me.  Best of luck.”

“Could have just said no thanks, but thank god for small graces, I dodged a bullet thanks to you coming out and saying
hey I’m judgemental and I look down on you because of you’re “Lack” of desire to have children.

Way to showcase all the propaganda you’ve been fed by the media. You fit the dreamless woman “breeder” paradigm to a T.

Lmao, what a joke.”

Had this user not have been deleted for probably harassing some other person – he would have gotten a mouthful (screenful?) from me.

So – women aren’t allowed to want children anymore without being brainwashed by the media?!   I am sorry- but what the fuck is that all about?   Now, I know as well as everyone else should know that women hold the power in the baby making decisions.   It is way easier for a woman to sneakily get pregnant than it is for a man to sneakily not get her pregnant.    I know full well that if someone does NOT want kids, I am not going to change their mind.   I also know full well that no one will change my mind on wanting kids.   Why was me telling someone I don’t want a relationship with them judgmental?  I never said I looked down upon him for not wanting kids – but I am also not going to waste my time.   That is NOT wrong.

This man right here, among others, is the reason you guys don’t get your “Sorry, I’m not interested.”  messages.   Deal with it, or get out.

….And inhale….

For all of us to stow away for future reference if needed:

“To be honest, I think you should know that I don’t make love. I fuck. Hard. If you want to be ravished, I can help you.”

While I think I understand why that may eventually be an important factor to know, the fact that people message this to complete strangers on a dating website will continue to floor me.

What this guy is failing to consider is that maybe I am not looking to be ravished (which reading my profile, or even this blog would indicate as such) but instead looking for a meaningful connection.   I think the question that is deep in my soul right now is:   Do these messages ever get responses from real people?   I think I would love to see this guy’s responses.   I would guess most responses are angry ones.   But-  maybe I am wrong.   I bet I would be entertained by it nonetheless.

Romance is dead, folks..  Romance is dead.

“If u know English

U have beautiful ass”

I am not quite sure why anyone who visits my online dating profile would think for one moment that I didn’t know English, considering the profile itself is in English..  but I cannot possibly believe that I am the only person who finds his command over the language quite hilarious.

Also – my ass is nowhere to be found on my dating profile.  Hmm…