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Shirtless Bathroom Selfie

9 Dec

Based on the title, it should be no surprise to you that today’s interaction is with a shirtless bathroom selfie dude.

“Hello there :)”

“Where’s your shirt?!”


He really should be lucky that I responded at all.  I don’t often waste my time with ‘hello’ messages.


“I know right lol but how are you”

“That didn’t answer my question!”

“Fuck your question if you like it move along basic ass female”


Well, that made no sense… Nevertheless, I’m sure Mom is so proud.

Scaring Them Straight!

20 Oct


As a woman on the internet, I get a lot of messages that are very complimentary towards me.  Sometimes I “have an awesome profile” and other times I’m “gorgeous.”  I always feel it necessary to send, at very least, a thank you.  It’s nice when someone goes out of their way to compliment you.

“You’re gorgeous”

“Aww, thank you!”

“You’re welcome. :-)”


We very well could have ended our conversation here.  That was certainly my intent.  But, something inspired him to write again:

“I wish I could bury my face between your legs”


WHY DO MEN FIND THIS ACCEPTABLE TO SEND TO A WOMAN!?!?!?!?  I assume the mindset is “I’d love it if a woman told me she wanted to spend some time between my legs.”   Most of us females don’t find that a turn-on from a complete stranger.  (Or even not complete strangers.)  I’m going to encourage you NOT to send that type of message to someone on the internet.

I wasn’t quite sure how to respond to this.  I could have ignored it, but then the blog wouldn’t be as entertaining.

“I have a court order against using men’s heads as a thigh master.  I’m NOT going back to prison!”


“Love the humor though”


All I can think of now is Prison Mike, from “The Office.”

Sometimes You Need to Fight Fire With Fire

22 Mar


I apologize that this is a long one, (That’s what he said.)   but after reading it aloud to some friends,  I am convinced it needs to be shared.  I am not normally in the market to mess with people..  but, sometimes you need to fight crazy with crazier… You’ll see.

This is easily one of my top ten posts on this blog, if not top five.  You’d really be doing yourself a disservice if you don’t click to read more!

Continue reading

I Don’t Share.

13 Jan

Full Disclosure:  This blog post is likely going to offend someone out there.  If that’s you, and you want to clarify/discuss/yell at me –  It’s pretty easy to get in contact with me.

The other day, I came across a guy online dating who I really liked.  He was charming, witty and adorable.  We discussed boring first dates that we are both fed up with, our jobs and the first things we’d do when we win the lottery. Half way into our hour long discussion, he suggested that we meet up at some point and I was quick to agree that I was up for that.

We continued chatting, and I asked him how he could possibly be this amazing and single, besides?  Maybe I wouldn’t die alone with cats after all.

“Well.. I’m not exactly single.”

Continue reading

My Review of EHarmony

28 Aug

A few months back, I got an e-mail offer from EHarmony that was impossible to refuse.   Their service is normally anywhere from $12.95 to $60.00 per month (roughly) depending on how long you sign up for.   ($13 per month if you sign up for a year, $60 for one month)   They ran a special a few months ago that I was able to sign up for $6.95 per month, for 3 months.  I decided I couldn’t afford not to try EHarmony… but now that my 3 month stint is over, all I can do is hope that EHarm thinks all publicity is good publicity.

First and foremost, (and EH isn’t the only online dating company to do this..) anything over $15 per month is too expensive to be paying a computer to match you.   While I find their 12 month subscription price to be reasonable,  the fact that they want you to sign up for an entire year makes me feel like maybe they aren’t confident they are going to find you the love of your life.

On that note – given that some people actually PAY them $60..  profiles like this should not be something ever found on their website:

eharmSeriously..  if ran that website, anyone who put specific key words in their profile would be immediately flagged for staff review.   (EH did remove the user upon seeing my picture tweet, and asking me to send them an e-mail with more info.)

I, personally, did not have any luck whatsoever on EHarmony.  I sent out their questions to users I was interested in, and responded back to some.. but nothing ever went further than the guided communication.   I don’t blame EH for that – but after a month, I was informed that my distance preference (a radius of 30 miles.. according to the most recent census, there are 3.28 million people within 30 miles of yours truly.)  was too specific and they encouraged me to change this to a 100 mile radius.    Now..  I know people will take drastic measures for love..  but, really.. even 30 miles away for a stranger from the internet is pushin’ it.

So, I started getting matched with people far out of city limits, which was really a waste of time.  But then, after another couple days,  I was alerted that my age range of 27 to 34 was too specific, and I should broaden those requirements as well.  Are you joking?

I have decided that I got a sweet deal because no one uses EHarmony anymore.  I still think that OKCupid is your best deal out there –  it’s free, and you might get some kooky people in there (see rest of blog), but it’s easy to use, and it’s fun.

So, long story short.. In my opinion:  Eharmony sucks.


Totally unrelated to EHarmony:   Tomorrow night (Wednesday, August 28, 2013) at 10:00pm Central Standard Time,  A_Dude79 and I will be podcasting live.   We have Catfish/Nigerian Scammers,  “The First Move”  and the burning question of “Is Facebook ‘Friendship’ the new Phone Number when it comes to dating?”  on the agenda.   If you haven’t tuned in before,  tomorrow would be a great night to do so.  We take calls and feedback from Twitter as well.   Put it on your calendar and don’t miss it!   Link HERE.

Why Girls Don’t Respond to Your Online Dating Messages

27 May

I’ve been contemplating this for a few days, and that spurred because of this blog entry that Belle Vierge of Finding My Virginity blog pointed out to me.  If you don’t have time to check out the blog –  basically,  the blogger condones form letters. (There was a lot more to it than this..)   Belle posted a comment referring readers here,  and I had a back and forth with a gentleman regarding form letters.

Guys –  I will stick to this.. you will have better luck (at least quality-wise) if you reference something in the girl’s profile.   I get that not all girls give you stuff to work with, but there’s that quality thing again.

This is known – girls get a lot more messages than you guys do.  If she gets 20 messages daily that all say “Hey, how are you?”  she has to do a lot of work to determine if she wants to respond or not.   But I GUARANTEE you,  if you send a message that says “Hey [username]!   I read that you are actively involved in community theatre.  What was your favorite part to play?”  and she doesn’t respond… it’s not because of your message.


So – why don’t girls respond to your personalized messages, then?   There could be several reasons, including but not limited to:


– She doesn’t think you are attractive.  (Or your online dating photos are horrible. Seriously guys.. a lot of you post photos that make you look like pedophiles.)

– She only dates six foot two inch blonde guys with a six pack.

– Something in your profile is a deal-breaker for her.

-Maybe you don’t have much info on your profile.

– She’s in the beginning stages of dating someone else..  (or maybe not the beginning stages.)

– She online dates for an ego boost and nothing more.

– She’s not a real person.

– She meant to, but forgot.

– You have a dog and she’s allergic to dogs.

– You’re a democrat and she’s a republican.  (Or vice versa.)

– You wrote her a message at 3am, and normal people aren’t online sending messages at that time of night, so you are clearly weird.

– Something in your profile made you sound like a tool.

– Something that you couldn’t possibly know about is going on in her life and she just can’t be bothered with meeting new people, dating, or responding to anyone on the internet.  (Like what?   Family emergencies, work drama, her cat died..)


I could go on and on forever.  But it’s NOT because you asked her a basic question about one of her interests.

I know it’s frustrating.. I send out messages to guys I find attractive and don’t get responses, probably because I’m not a size 0.  But wouldn’t you rather be someone who stands out than the “norm”?


31 May

#31 is off the market ya’ll,  he found his woman on EHarmony (and she’s awesome).  So.. I signed up for  free communication weekend on EHarmony this past weekend..  and I don’t get it at all.   Well – scratch that.. I get it.. but I think it’s stupid.

From what I understand,  I didn’t have full access to the site on this free trial, which bugs me.   I am not going to pay $30/month for something that I don’t get to test-drive the features.  (Of course, it’s cheaper if you commit to longer,  but why would someone commit to longer when they don’t understand it!?)    So, keep in mind – in this opinion piece –  I am definitely not fully informed.

What I disliked about EHarmony:

1)  There seems to be no browsing feature (which was confirmed by #31).   As you may know from reading my blog, I have a tendency of finding people I know on these sites.   The fact that I can’t quick browse through and see if there is anyone I wouldn’t want seeing me on there, is a pretty clear cut deal-breaker.  I did not add any photos to my profile on my free weekend, and I used an alias name.

2) Apparently over the weekend I had 51 matches.  I have absolutely no idea why these people were listed as matches for me.  Yeah yeah..  “27 layers of whatever.”   No.. I want to know specifically why these people were listed for me.

3) The matches are sorted alphabetically – and there appears to be no way to get rid of them.   So – anytime there was anyone new, I had to scroll through my list of 51 people, and see where the little red “NEW” light was.   This was uber-annoying.    It also only lists the names as well, so in order to see if these people are even attractive, you have to click their name.

4)  Free communication?  Yeah, not really.  I couldn’t actually message people.  I could go through the guided communication, which I understand from a business standpoint.  But,  it doesn’t really make it clear how that process works.  Great, I answered some questions for some guy and checked 5 to send back.   Nothing went further than that..   I don’t get it.


So – yeah… If I were to think about paying for online dating,  I am pretty sure EHarmony would be out.     Feel free to try and convince me otherwise.