Soon2BeCatLady

OKCupid has an update to everyone’s profile now so you can “Send Drink” to someone.    I studied this button very closely, afraid to press it for fear or what could happen.

I went to a friend’s page, where at least I knew if I clicked the button and something really weird happened, the most that would happen to me is I would be ridiculed.   *Click*

It allows me to send a message – and not a drink – to said person.

OKCupid – I don’t get it!   I kind of imagined it was like “SuperPoke” on Facebook.  “Soon2BeCatLady just threw a drink at you!”    Or better yet,  have a drink show up at someone’s home.   I’d be okay with that.

This message doesn’t even indicate that I had clicked the “Send Drink” button.  This is lame.   Why should I click that instead of the “Send Message” button?   Nothing makes the “Send Drink” button more fun, except that it’s a different color.

Through talking with friends, and comments on this blog entry,   I have come to determine that it is either one of two things:

1)  A paid ad from Smirnoff…   which (although it is kind of working because people are talking about it, or are at very least intrigued)  really isn’t cool.

2) (And I hope it’s reason #2)  Because there is now an “official OkCupid USB beer/scotch/vodka/tequila/wine dispenser”  (Kudos to The Pink Phantom..)

“Can I stay in your home? J/k. I can put up drywall. I’m that cool.”

My profile does list that I own a house,  mainly because I am very proud of that fact, but also because if that is going to be a deal-breaker for someone – it gets it out of the way.   Messaging me, even jokingly, about moving in –  NOT FUNNY AT ALL.     No you can’t stay in my home!   I am not a freaking hotel!

This message bugs me, because he says “J/k” and then goes on to say he can put up drywall.   So –  is he not just kidding?

Also – what kind of house does he think I live in?  One without walls?

Yes stranger I have never spoke to before-  please move in and put some walls up.  You seem cool.

“hey whats up my name is joel iam 25 years old and i live life as it comes and there is no other way to do it. Here are some of
the
things i like to do in my spare time. I just started volunteering at the animal shelter walking dogs i love it i love to snowboard
during the winter i cant get enough of it i love play guitar in my band were called a midwest tragedy music is a big part of my
life i love taking walks by the lake and just listening to my ipod and thinking about stuff if ya wanna know more hit me up.”

I didn’t respond to this because I don’t have anything else I want to know, when I didn’t ask to begin with.    Date #1 never needs to happen, because I already know all about him.   Don’t even get me started on what sentences are!

I could see this being a speed dating conversation.. with my chance to do the same after… but randomly without any sort of prompting?   That’s so weird.   And, I pick on Joel.. but he is not the only one.

For goodness sakes, if you want a response from a female,  ask her a question that isn’t “What more do you want to know about me?”   (Or “How are you?”, “What’s Up?” or anything of that nature… but you all know that already.)

..Or your POF date.. or your online dating date.   The meet-up.  Whatever it is.

The topic at hand today is:    Who pays?

At risk of losing some of my female followers, here is my two cents:

I am not going to agree to meet up with someone if I can’t afford to pay for myself.   I am actually quite uncomfortable with someone else paying for me, especially the first time meeting up.   I am trying to get better with that, but I don’t like giving up control, and I don’t like the feeling of “owing” someone that I don’t really know.   I don’t want to be perceived as a gold digger, either.

To me – allowing/expecting a guy to pay the tab makes me feel like I owe a 2nd date, or a kiss, or something.  I know that’s ridiculous- but I still haven’t come to terms with it.   My ex-boyfriend had to sit me down once prior to going out when we first started dating.  “Soon2BeCatLady,” he said, “This is a DATE.. and I am paying for it, or we aren’t going.”

So, when my girlfriends say “Go, at least it’s a free drink/meal.”   I just can’t..  it’s just not my style.    BUT –  here is where I want some male opinion:    Is it emasculating to not allow you to pay for me?    I still feel very new to the dating business-  so any advice you can give would be greatly appreciated.

My opinion, I know for fact, differs than most girls.   Most girls expect you to pick up the tab.   I haven’t been on many dates where the guy hasn’t offered to pay..  but I really don’t think they should be expected to pay.   Especially since with online dating – the person can have a totally different persona online than in real life.   Prime example:  I am awkward when meeting people from online.  I know why this is – and I know when it stops..  but, that will perhaps be a blog post for another time.

Let’s discuss this..  seriously.  Comment your thoughts, e-mail me,  tweet me…

A long time ago – and I am talking years ago – I put at an out on Craigslist Personals..  however, this ad was not for me.   It was for a friend of mine who I felt needed a man.   (Don’t worry.. It only took about 8 hours for me to tell her.)    I didn’t include any pictures, but talked about the positives of her personality- and threw in the negatives too.

I explained in my post that I was the middle man.  Because we were good friends, they’d have to get through me to meet her.

Even without a photo –  in a matter of two days, I got over 200 responses.  I responded to each and every one of them, and not a ONE was spam.    After chatting back and forth and narrowing it down – and allowing my friend to read the messages too..  We met up with 3 of them.

Someone should make an online dating website like this.   You have to have a friend sign up for you and be your middle man.    I mean, really..  I could go on and on about how GREAT I am.. but, if someone else tells you how great I am – there is more validity.   Besides – when you first start dating someone, you hang out a lot with their friends.. wouldn’t it be great if you already kind of knew one of those friends?

I would love to tell you that my friend fell in love with one of those guys, and they lived happily ever after.. but that would be bullshit.   None of them made it past a first meeting.    But it was an adventure nonetheless..

…You can find anything on Craigslist…

I have been noticing a trend lately in the form letters I have been receiving via the meat market.   “You seem down-to-earth.”   or something of that nature.  I have also received messages where the guy describes himself as down-to-earth.

Obviously, this is a safe thing to say.   The first few times I read that, I thought to myself, “Yeah, I am down-to-earth.”   After seeing it a few times,  although I knew what it meant, I decided to dig a little deeper into the meaning of the word.

Down-to-earth is defined as practical or reasonable.    

Synonyms (or words that are similar for those of you who missed English class..) for this beauty are:  common, rational, realistic and sensible.. among others.

Antonyms (or those words are just the exact opposite of..)  include impractical and unreasonable.

I don’t often find people who describe themselves as unreasonable or unrealistic.   Even the crazies tend to think they are reasonable human beings.  I think, personally, that I can tend to be unrealistic for sure – I mean, Hello!?  I am online dating and for some strange reason I continue to do so.  

There are far more adjectives (describing words) out there to use.  Think twice before using “down-to-earth.”

Something tells me I am not the first person he has said this to..

“probably the best lookin chick i’ve seen/ if you like good oral send me a message, i can host and you look like just my type.”

Geez- is good looks all it takes?   I don’t have actual statistics, of course, but I would bet a large sum of money that most females logging onto online dating sites are looking for a relationship and not a booty call.    Maybe I’m wrong.

I wonder how many times guys try this before realizing it doesn’t work.   Or, maybe it does work and I am in the minority saying “no” to these kinds of offers from guys without so much as a photo on their profile.   (Not that having a picture would change anything – I don’t know where he’s been.. no, thank you!)

“You look like just my type”  feels creepy to me for some reason in this context.  I can’t quite put my finger on it .

This brings me back to when I was very young.   I was told not to take candy from strangers.   To think I am still using that lesson today, and electing not to go to a strangers house for sexual favors.  I think my mother would be proud.

I may be a “man-hating blogger” as someone on one of the dating websites called me,  but I definitely have a straight card.   I have no interest sexually in women.  No offense to anyone that is homosexual – I don’t disapprove of your lifestyle, it’s just not for me.

None of my profiles would indicate any different – they all say I am a straight girl, looking for men.  I have no pictures fondling my gal pals..   So, needless to say, I was very.. surprised.. to get an instant message from a 19 year old bisexual girl at midnight.

“Hey!  How are you?”

“Fine.. what’s up?”   Do I know you?  is actually what went through my mind..

“Are you into girls?”

“No, sorry.  The only boobs I like are my own.”  

“Mmm.  Tell me about them.”

“What?  No.. Little girl, go to bed.”

Ha- that pissed her off and she went into some weird “Oh NO you didn’t” routine on me before I turned the computer off and went to bed myself.

Really, though?   Who does that?  I don’t feel I was disrespectful until she was..  Even if I was into girls – 19?!   Hit on someone your own age!  But, why bother barking up the wrong tree?   That’s just a waste of everyone’s time.  But- this is online- and really nothing should surprise me anymore.

OKCupid shows you on a person’s profile how often they respond to messages.   The green dot indicates that a user responds frequently, the yellow indicating selectively and the red dot of death means they respond very selectively.

My dot is yellow, as I am sure you can imagine.  If you have followed my blog any length of time,  you have seen the kind of messages I get.   Sadly,  responding to boys on the internet is not my full-time job.

Now, if a person sends me a message and it has any substance to it:  I will generally respond to it- even if I don’t find them attractive.  Although I photograph well, I understand that some people don’t.

People complain to me a lot that they don’t get responses to their messages.  I don’t know what to tell you, aside from tips I have posted before.   I send messages out, and don’t hear back also.   It’s annoying!  (Especially because my messages are so witty and clever.. Ha!)    It especially annoys me when a “green light” individual does not respond to my message…  Seriously, is there something wrong with me?  Do I look like Shrek and not know it?

But-  if I come across a profile where the guy has a yellow or a red light-  if I find  anything I can ask them about that I am legitimately interested in:  I WILL message them.    This is my game.   I want a response back from a yellow or red dot dude.   It’s a challenge to me to see if I can impress them enough with my words to get a response back..  So far, no dice.

I will keep trying and let you know if I am successful.   Or, if you have any tips:  send them my way!

I have spent the last few days arguing with a married man on a dating website.  He is looking for an intimate encounter because he is not being satisfied, and his wife “is a b*tch.”

Obviously – you all know my feelings on this are strong – and that I think if you are a married dude (or a married woman..)  you should NOT be online dating.

So- I asked him:

“Why do you think it’s okay to be on a site like this if you are married?”

“Well lets see…if u notice there is an option fo0r married people on this site so I gues the site knows married people are on here but I guess u missed that”

Okay, Smartass..   “Maybe you didn’t understand my question.. It was more along the lines of why are you above your wedding vows?”

“you should be asking my wife that question. Ask her why she is a B***H and why she feels the need to treat her husband like crap and disrespect him even though he is an amazing father….maybe she just knows I love the kids and uses it against me”

“So get a divorce. Don’t be part of the problem, be part of the solution.”

“Sorry but my kids take top priority
Thanks
Bye”

Alright- hold it right there.   REALLY?!!?!?   This guy needs to kick up the brain power here a second.   Let’s give him the benefit of the doubt for a few moments and say his wife really is as bad as he claims.   He goes and has an affair..  A jealous woman does better research than the FBI.   (Thank you Pinterest!)      She will find out about his affair and make his life a living hell.   His kids will definitely be told he is the bad guy.  (And well,  even if she’s as evil as he says.. he is at fault..  And if she’s not as bad as he thinks – he’s no better off.)

People with money (i.e politicians, actors etc.) get caught in their affairs.   The internet makes it far too easy to get caught.   This guy thinks he is going to get away with it?     If the wife is so much on a phone bill,  she can find out about this.   Why do people not understand this?

He’s staying to be a good guy for the kids?    He could put his kids through a divorce, which, I will admit is not the greatest thing for a kid to go through..  or, he can cheat, get caught and THEN put his kids through a divorce.   Right, that is definitely the respectable way to go.     This way, his daughter will have trust issues with men, and his son will follow in his footsteps.  (I’m not saying this is a sure thing – this is a stereotype.)

But-  clearly I ” have no idea what I’m talking about” but he’s sure that “after 10 years of marriage I will understand.”