Soon2BeCatLady

“May we meet in person and get to know one another to see if we can start a long term relationship that may lead to marriage and children within the next 5 years?”

Woah..

Don’t get me wrong –   I am all for the settling down, getting married, having babies thing..  I am a female.   But… Woahhhhhh!    When you put it that way it’s a little freaky.   Almost seems like an arranged marriage at this point..  Yikes – no thanks!

Not that I think this guy was like this -but additionally – I find it amusing that guys online seem to think that us girls have won the lottery by them reaching out to us.     Guys online for the most part tend to have pretty high egos.   Can anyone please just be real?

You know my thoughts on form letters.   I don’t need to get into that again..   but I continue on with if I call you out about your form letter –  don’t try to make up some cover story.   And if you do – be sure to have all your bases covered.

“So, just to start, loved your profile, and your pics are super cute. Let me start, I am a “grown ass man”, lol. I have a steady job, own a home, and am not into games. I live to play music, it’s the one time I really feel alive is when I’m on stage. I am looking for the last lady I will ever need to look for. Don’t worry, I’m a no pressure kind of guy, but if I find the right gal, I will make my intentions known. I love cats, dogs, humor laughing, good wine, live music, etc. if your a gal who likes intelligent conversation and a relaxed atmosphere then let’s talk. Hope to here from you soon.”

How do I know this was a form letter?    I have ONE photo on this profile… so there is no way my “pics are super cute.”

I called him out:

“You are a “grown ass man” but don’t know the difference between one
picture and plural? Hmm…”

“Thank you for the correction, you are right, a typo on my part, the letters on this smart phone are kind of small and my muscular fingers sometimes make mistakes. In the future, I promise to spell check every message I send. now, other than the misspelling, did you want to get to know each other?”

I do give him kudos for his muscular fingers sometimes make mistakes.. because that’s pretty funny.. but his cover up is flawed.

“While I appreciate your attempt to cover your mistake- I also don’t think it was your greatest cover up. If you meant you added an “s” by mistake- your sentence no longer makes sense:
“..and your pic are super cute.”
I feel I have been dealt a form letter.”

I generally do not post more than once in a day – but by golly, this just had to be shared immediately.

Some of you on Twitter may have seen my post(s) this evening about the gentleman who’s user name on OKCupid is “WowThatsHuge.”    If you did not,  I am sure you can make some assumptions without having to read any farther.

I saw this user’s page and immediately could not stop laughing.

This man holds absolutely no shame – which is somewhat frightening.   (And certainly brings a whole new light to “Minnesota Nice.”)

If you dare:   http://www.okcupid.com/profile/WowThatsHuge

(I should note that his photo keeps getting reported.. so if nothing there seems weird..  click the twitpic link below..)

For those of you not as daring, but are still curious –   you can see a screen shot via my Twitter buddy @BeccaGo:     http://twitpic.com/87sdgc

For awhile the main photo was removed-  because he was reported..  but it was quickly put back up.   It doesn’t violate OKC’s term of service, but I could see where some people could be offended by it.

Honestly-  it surprises me that someone would have a face pic next to a picture such as that.   I mean, he has to know people on the website..  Umm.. awkward!

“Your very cute . Maybe i can move you back to cincinnati with me.I’m a very fun guy,off the wall comments i smoke pot and i’m a bit perverted.Hope to hear from you LOL”

Wow – there are so many things wrong with this message.

1)   There is this button on your keyboard.   It’s shaped like a really long rectangle.  It’s called a SPACE BAR.. and you need to use it.   It’s not that hard.  (That’s what she said.)

2) Sir of the meat market,  you live really far away from me..  You shouldn’t be wasting your time or mine.

3)  I know most of my readers probably have not seen my online dating profile(s). I assure you there is nothing on there to indicate that I am looking for a sexual encounter or have any interest in drugs of any kind.   I don’t know where these guys get the idea that I’d be into that sort of stuff.  – Probably goes back to BOYS DON’T READ!

4) “Hope to hear from you LOL”   What is the LOL for?  Why on earth would you put an “LOL” there?  That indicates to me that the last sentence was a joke.   So – he doesn’t hope to hear from me..  which is good – because he won’t.

Girls- don’t you automatically look for someone who smokes pot and is perverted?

“Hey ! How are you ? I’m Josh ……so u wannna……fold sum clothes? Lol .js 😉 ….but realy whts up w you?”

I am so confused.. is “folding clothes” some sort of metaphor for having sex?   I can’t imagine he is saying anything else –  but I also can’t figure out how that would mean such a thing.   ..I am seriously stumped here..   Urban Dictionary does not have anything listed for this.     Anybody?  Anybody?

Also –  what the hell is “js”?    I would think it was supposed to be “jk”  but k and s are no where near each other on the keyboard.

People – we need to amp up the intelligence level – or I fear for my future children.

I had a twitter friend of mine e-mail a wonderful message she received, and with her permission, I am sharing it with you.    I love seeing/reading/hearing your crazy stories –  so feel free to e-mail me them if you’d like:   soon2becatlady@gmail.com

For the record-  when this guy refers to Alan Carr – he refers to a British comedian who is quite flamboyant.

“OMG my jaw just hit the floor!U r EXQUISITE!U R Utterly fine fine fineee!I never know what to write on these things so here goes….I’m pretty level headed & don’t normally go so nuts over a girl BUT for YOU id crawl thru the Sahara
& Id trek thru mosquito & crocodile infested swamps just to see u for 2 minutes but I hope u would have a cuppa & bandages ready for me!I wouldnt treat u like a princess but as a queen but not the Alan Carr type of queen!
Just to let you know Im not some jealous/possessive control freak nor am I some el saddo desperado..just looking & seeing if there is a nice girl for me…….I can cook/clean/iron the lot I don’t need a woman to pamper me or look after me i just want a girl for………no not that!Well not just that lol.I want a nice sweet girl that when get blip telling me i have a txt id hope its from her among other things.O I dunno what to say which is a first as I’m never lost for words!!Aarghhhhhh!I hope im not talking rubbish!Would love to get too know u so I hope we talk soon!Was my birthday xmas eve-yes really-worse time of the year to be single!If only I had met u ages ago it would have saved me from my mates that day & made my new years eve a lot better then getting a bagel from brick lane @3am hahaha
Sorry if im rambling but still aching from the 3hr torture my sadistic trainer inflicted on me in the gym earlier;it seems to have released the closet romantic in me…….” i would like to do with you what spring does with the cherry tress” ……..Pablo Neruda-now thats what I want to feel about a woman.
Happy New year!”

Some of these messages are just too good not to share with the world.. don’t you agree?

I obviously don’t blog every message I get-  if you are normal, you’re safe from public humiliation..   but some messages just aren’t worth a full entry dedicated specifically to that.. so I will share a few of those with you today.

“The cuter you are the more adaptable I am. So say the word cutie.; )”

Hmm..  I don’t really get that one..  I’m cute so he’ll adapt to who I am?   That’s dumb.  And – what on earth am I really supposed to reply to that?   What sort of word is he looking for?

“Hi im mike hru”

Okay – I fully understand that he is introducing himself and asking me how I am.. but, I am playing dumb on this one and pretending I have no idea what “hru” is supposed to mean.   If your message is going to be THAT short, you can spell out “How are you?”

“Hi! Would you like to hook up with me today? 🙂 “

No.. no I wouldn’t.

“There’s no way to ask this without it sounding like a really cheesy pick up line but, do people ever tell you that you look like Tara Reid?”

This was on my non-local profile, where I move from place to place.   In his defense,  I had been told that once before based on the photo that I have posted there..  but in real life, I look nothing like her.   Not even close.   ..and it does sound like a really cheesy pickup line.

We all remember and love Psycho Dan from previous entries – the “Wells Fargo VP” who will message and message and message, thinking this will eventually lead to what he wants.    He actually HAS left me alone,  but has leached on to J for the time being:

“forgot, there is a close up pic of me on facebook, dan k****y… I am in a black suit and from denver NC.. I need to update the location..”

J – knowing all about Psycho Dan from me, as well as a message or two of her own, ignored this message.

Two weeks later:

“nice smile, u are beautiful.. how are you? I am Dan..”

Two days later:

“I love your smile, we should get together.. I am Dan..”

Three days later:

“I really love your smile, and I see we have some things in common.. we should do a drink or coffee.. txt me ***-***-****”

“You have messaged me over and over. I’m not interested. Please stop.”

“yes I have, because you look like a keeper to me.. You should give me a chance, I think you would be surprised, I am a very nice guy, intereting, educated, and alot of fun… its only coffee… if there is no interest you will never hear from me again..”

“Apparently you think everyone is a keeper, as you sent the exact same messages to my best friend. My profile intentionally has very little on it. I’m not interested in your form messages.”

“I am sure I did not send the same message to your friend, noway.. take a chance, its just coffee, you will get a laugh out of my southern accent and a free cup of coffee.. you never know, u may really like me.. if you dont, u never hear from me again.. everyone can use friends.. I am sure I did not tell another woman on this site, that they have the most beautiful smile.. I only told you that, your smile is awesome..”

“We compared messages and they match nearly word for word.”

“but not the same message.. I type everyone of my messages.. and I am sure I didnt tell her that she has the most beautiful smile, because you do..”

“You did.  I’m not interested.”

“ok, Your loss.. I am telling you I am a very nice guy and its a missed oppurtunity..”

“Obviously you have no respect for others if they tell you “no” and you continue pushing. Do you really think that will make anyone change their mind? …and if they were to change their mind, would you really want to eat with someone who is so easily pushed around and doesn’t stand up for their opinions? Good luck with that.”

“I wanted to meet for coffee and talk, nothing more.. And you are not being pushed around, I am asking you.. Its a simple request, u are basing your decision on nothing, an email.. The only way you know for sure if you are or not interested is to meet and talk.. I bet you would be surprised, very surprised.. I am a nice guy, I was married 10 years before my wife died of cancer…”

J stopped responding –  if not because he was being outrageously obnoxious and it’s easy to get annoyed with him (cuz, I have totally been there…)  but also because giving someone a sob story to attempt to make them “give in” is low.

Two days later:

“you look like a keeper to me, we should do coffee.. I am telling you..”

“NO!”

“I would treat u better than any man on this earth.. u should take a chance, u would be shocked..”

“Absolutely not.”

“take a chance, u will not regret it.. if you are not interested after we meet, I will never contact you again.. but be careful, I am very charming, so do coffee at your own risk.. because I assure you, I would win you over..”

“I am not interested.”

Two days later:

“man u are a beautiful woman. I mean stunning..”

“You’re an idiot.”

“I am actually very very smart.. and a very nice guy.. U would be shocked..”

Two days later:

“I still love your smile, you should be a model.. instead of being in cubeville.. you are just a cutie.. wow.. I had to come all the way from NC, to see your smile.”

Dan does not know how to take a hint.   If someone says “No” repeatedly..  It means no.   It does not mean annoy the shit out of someone until they give in.    Dan probably IS a really nice guy –  but with his approach, he will NEVER get the time of day.    Insert sarcasm font:   Dan does not seem desperate AT ALL. 

I hope Part 4 will not occur..  especially since J and I are going to be kind enough to let Dan see this.   But – who knows.

J sent me a form letter she received on the meat market today:

“Hey I think you sold yourself short. I just have a feeling you’re cooler than your profile. Since I guessed right I think you should write me back and tell me how cute and funny I am. What do you do when you have a day off? And be honest! :)”

Why do guys think it’s appealing to girls to be told to gush about him, or ask him questions about himself?     Do males think we like to talk THAT much that we don’t care what we are saying as long as we are being vocal?

Also – am I the only one who feels that way?   Maybe that actually works for people?  LOL – or maybe I am the only one who seriously will answer questions if asked and not give people anything to work with..  (I should also add in that this only occurs when I am not interested.)

Maybe I am the one who doesn’t get it.

Sorry this post is late today-  I have been out of town and apparently didn’t have as many entries queued up as I originally had thought..   I can only leave you with this for today:

“Your smile like daylight dripping through the mountain pines, pure sunshine, summertime, your smile like a wheat field in the southern breeze, apple trees, sweet and right.
Good Morning!
Rasho. “

Chat at ya’ll again tomorrow.

🙂