Tag Archives: plenty of fish

The Whiskey Break-Dancer

20 May

I’m not saying this first online dating message is terrible..  It’s definitely unique, and could use a few minor tweaks..  But, interesting nevertheless:

“I have a batman shirt with a cape, and just to keep my boss in check I will show up in it instead of my uniform.  I once told I might have to leave early if I see my bat signal.  My last girlfriend was Carmen San Diego, and she left me for Waldo.

 She has my lava lamp, and I WANT it back but can’t find either of them.  I’m a free spirited guy, who follows his intuition.  I damn near cried laughing reading your profile, and it made my day.

 When I WAS 3 years old I played peek a boo with a cup and my penis.  

I still play, it’s just a bigger cup.  

I breakdance when I drink whiskey.  Which translates to I break furniture when I dance.  

I am studying to be a winner, because my parents didn’t raise a loser haha.  

What are your thoughts on people who block the whole aisle in a grocery store??”

I’m a little confused as to why he thought my profile was so funny – It’s actually pretty straight-laced.   If he could make it a little more specific, and remove the odd peek-a-boo game he felt so inclined to share – he might have a bit more luck.

I’ll give him this though:  Grocery aisle blocking is a problem, and might be what’s wrong with this world.  😉

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I Won’t Bother You Again

12 May

“hi! nice profile you’re very very beautiful. im interested in meeting you, you seem real down to earth and like a friendly easy going person. we can get to know each other,, im looking to meet an honest, mature, open minded, and down to earth woman to get to know .we might get along i’m very chill and down to earth, laid back guy. you wont be disappointed believe me , im really attracted to you and i wanted to be as honest and direct as possible.. lets try it out ? we have nothing to loose… lets meet ,l think about it, we’re both single, lets take advantage of this opportunity. 😉 you can check out my profile and pictures and hit me up? ..lets get to know each other. if interested write back and let me know what you think? if not then please let me know so i dont stay waiting and wont bother you again, i’ll just move on. no big deal lol. hope to hear from you!! Im sorry for being so honest”

Because I wanted to prove that he is a bold faced liar, and not honest at all:

“Oh.. No thanks. I’m not interested.”

“hey looking for some good healthy protected se.x”

“You said in your first message to me that if I responded that I wasn’t interested, you wouldn’t bother me again. Why are you a liar?”

“Dont you want se.x?”

I totally forgot that I am online dating because I am outrageously horny and absolutely desperate.   How lucky for me that this gentleman has come along! *eye roll*

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Who Says This Stuff!?!?

4 May

Oh, goody!  It’s “Howl at the Moon” time again.  Seriously, if this type of message has either worked on you, or for you-  I would like to interview you at some point on the podcast.  This just makes me shudder:

“Wow very sexy think me and you would have some great fun in and out of the bedroom love a sexy girl and was seeing if you were up to some fun tonight seeing where close by each other drinks and hot kinky play all night ill lick your tight wet kitty till you cream all over my mouth plus i think we’d hit it off have allot of fun on the regular even grab dinner or catch a basketball game just good friends who have allot of fun even take trips =)”

..Punctuation?  What’s that?!..

To this guy, and many many others:  YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG!!!!!  Dating is not “If you sleep with me, we might go out to dinner and I might take you to fun things.”   You go out to dinner, and take her to fun things, and IF YOU’RE LUCKY (Haha! Pun!)  you might get some bedroom time.  Keyword:  MIGHT.  —  But probably not.

I still do not get why guys think that messages propositioning a stranger for sex is a good idea.. and why they think she’ll say yes.   If she does say yes, she’s likely crazy, and I thought the saying was “Don’t put your dick in crazy.”  If a woman wants to have sex, she will easily find that opportunity on her own.

Arghghghghghhghghghghgh!!

 

 

 

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Boob Pockets

22 Apr

Sometimes online dating messages aren’t creepy at all..  but this is NOT one of those times:

“I love you so much I want to take you skin and make it into a jacket.  Ps I would turn your boobs backwards and the would be really big pockets imagine the stuff I could fit into thos puppies!!!!!”

Cats.. I’m going to die alone with lots and lots of cats.

 

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Groupons and Dating

20 Jan

Honestly, I hope a heated debate occurs in the comments on this question that I have.   (I have a feeling that at least some girls will have an issue with my stance on this..)

I have been asked over and over –   “Is it okay to use a Groupon on a first date?”   The topic has been brought up on my podcast a few times, and we can never come up with an answer that satisfies both @A_Dude79 and myself.   So –  I bring this question to you, loyal fans.  — And let’s make it “When is it okay to use a Groupon when you’re dating?”

As previously mentioned,   @A_Dude79 and I are split on the matter.   He says absolutely no way on a Groupon until a couple has slept together.    I’m a bit more lenient on the matter.

@A_Dude79 thinks that the first date is about making an impression, and paying for the date in full, without a coupon/groupon, shows that he is able to provide for the woman.   He argues that most Groupons you need to have printed out, or pull up on your phone – and that’s tacky.  (However,  he thinks if you can use a Groupon without having to present it, it’s fair game..  *Eyeroll.*  ..Men..)

I think a Groupon is just fine.  I would much rather be offered a fun activity that was purchased through Groupon than a boring coffee or dinner date any day of the week.  They often have really fun activities to try out at a discount.   We are also in a time of economic hardship –   I feel there is nothing wrong with saving some money.     And – if a girl is not okay with you saving a few dollars – do you want to be dating her anyway?   (I’ll throw in there that in a Soon2BeCatLady perfect world,  I would know about the Groupon before the date.)

So, interwebs  – Let’s vote, and (respectfully) duke it out in the comments.   I’m closing the poll after one week, so make sure to voice your opinion!

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