Cat Lady and Crazy:
like Tequila and lime
(and I warn in advance that
this will be in rhyme)
Hope your Christmas was jolly
Now go grab a beer
As you read with delight
a tale of great “cheer.”
So….
Twas the evening of Christmas
as I sat all alone
No one to snuggle
No sweetheart to phone
No boyfriend from Santa
which was this year’s wish
Not even a message
on Plenty of Fish.
So I sat on the couch
to watch some T.V.
And wished for that boy
who was meant just for me.
“Oh well, that’s okay,
for I’m doing just fine.”
I said to myself
as I sipped on my wine.
But Hark! What is this?
A message on ‘Cupid!
I thought to myself,
“Tis bound to be stupid!”
I wondered “Why me?”
Said “Your eyes played a factor.”
I thanked him. He offered
“Want to ride on my tractor?”
I am fine alone
To me it doesn’t matter
Another year gone..
At least I’m not fatter!
Oh boy! A new message!
How high I must rank!
But alas, he compared me
to a fruit he would spank.
I checked out my Quiver
One seemed quite the catch
But my name to his markings
was nary a match.
Oh boyfriend, come quick
For my loins be an itchin’
Okay – I’m just kidding
but ain’t these rhymes bitchin’?
Then Tinder did ping
as I swiped right my thumb
Twas a gentleman caller
looking for a three-some.
And then came a message
with atrocious grammar
I knew right away:
Online dating is sketchy
and a pain in my ass!
But here’s to 2014
Let us all raise a glass!
So friends of my blog
Come back for the fun
And I wish you good luck
in your quest for “The One!”
(If you need some more rhymes
cuz face it – they’re bomb.
Check out my inspiration
at nerdtinkerer.com!)
Soon2BeCatLady 
Brilliant! Love it 🙂
Wishing you the best
In twenty fourteen
Because this year’s posts
Are some of the best I’ve seen!
Don’t be down
You seem pretty cool
It’s not your fault, you see,
That you’ve had some tools
Let’s both raise a glass
To our single status
But come on POF
Find someone who’d date us!
😀
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Be proud of yourself
You haven’t settled yet.
Be true to yourself
And what you want, you will get
Nobody is perfect
We all have our flaws
But it sucks to be single
When you’re decking the halls
Stay positive, upbeat
And don’t give up Dear
Maybe that boyfriend
Will show up this year
He won’t be a creep,
He won’t be a perv
If you see someone you like
just muster the nerve
Nice guys are shy
Introverted, you’d say
That’s just what things
Have come to today
Be kind to yourself
Be your best friend
And a partner in crime
Will show up in the end
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Great! Except, I’m not looking for a boyfriend 😛 (I’m male)
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I enjoyed your rhyme
Blog poetry should be no crime
Here is my thought
Online dating has taught
Match.com
It must be the bomb
Laughing singles in my TV
What’s that tingle?…It’s HSV
Christian Mingle
No wonder they’re single
Girls so fat
My penis go splat
JDate for those who are cut
I’d totally do that slut
She not believe Jesus or the manger
Still, I’d bone this dark haired stranger
Gaydate, your uncle’s secret mag
Beans and frank to lift that stag
I am not afraid to ask myself the truth
Oh wait, that’s my cornhole, Baby Ruth!
Eharmony is a twist
But I shake my fist
Old big girls who go too slow
That site really, really, really, blow
Date My School
Keeps bad genes from the pool
More elitist scum besting father’s dime
The neatest scrum, the rest of us just slime
GradHearts
More smart girl farts
Mountains of debt
A barista I bet
Ok Cupid
Online dating, maybe, just stupid
Just another site but free
Enjoy your winking spree
Meet for a brew
Else you a serial killer’s stew
It’s a date not a blood pact
But eat a burrito, Cosmo says make eye contact
Life is not about you
Unlike your dating profile, it is about two
In terms of musts, 3 of 4 is not that poor
It’s your bitch sister that’s keeping score
Tall Peter Pan, smooth douche that will not marry
Type-A Pro, oh so scary
Give Joe in the middle a twirl
Behold, you’ll find your pearl
He or she may have a dimple
Sometimes it is that simple
Wait for perfect you’ll go bust
And watch your vagina crust
Else you’ll meet an old warhorse like me
In the city, surrounded by selfish misery
Sarah Jessica Parker, a smiling twot
Has Mr. Big’s closet for her eggs to rot
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I don’t know much about poetry. but this is wonderful. i love reading it. thanks for sharing.
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Having read a few posts and having heard you on the radio, I know (or at least hope) that you will take this too, with a grain of salt..(and perhaps a chuckle)
Be careful of your phrasing
When speaking of your loins itching
One man may rightly think your craving
Or one with crabs he should be ditching
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Pahahahaha!
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