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Online Dating Faux Pas

13 Aug

I’m sad I have to blog this, because I thought it would be common knowledge – but since I came across it today, apparently it is not.

As you online-daters know,  OKCupid has somewhat of a “News Feed” on your home page, which shows you what users have added photos, or added something to their profile.

Now, I have always told you that having a photo with a member of the opposite sex on your online dating profile is a bad idea..  But, a user uploaded one of these with the caption:

“this pic was taken back in 2006 for my Ex girlfriends prom (sigh) Miss that girl sum times.  We were together for 4 years…… I just hope she’s happy and finds what she’s looking for and I hope she knows that I will always love her.”

1)  Again – pictures with a member of the opposite gender are NOT a good idea.. ESPECIALLY if that person is an ex!

2)  Pictures from 2006 are NOT acceptable.   Hell, pictures from 2011 are not acceptable at this point.

3) If you publicly announce in your profile that you are still in love with your ex, your online dating journey will be a boring one.  No one is going to message you, or respond to your messages.

4)  Let’s pretend everything I’ve said so far is bullshit..  You clearly screwed up big time back in 2006, or whenever it was that this girl clearly dumped you.   What did you do?!

5)  Prom?  Really? … And you’re 30 years old..  Really?

 

Get Offline and Fast!

11 Jun

I never really knew until just recently how far people take lying when it comes to being online.   Sure, I knew people would troll, or have fake pictures, or even pretend to be someone they are not.. but the lengths some people go for this are absolutely incredible.

This right here (trust me.. read it.)..  is more proof in the pudding that you need to get a short online feel for who someone is, and then get your ass to a coffee shop and meet them in person.  And if they don’t show?  They’re out.  (Of course there are exceptions.. but, it better be a good excuse, and it better not happen again.)

Wow.. just wow.

Why Girls Don’t Respond to Your Online Dating Messages

27 May

I’ve been contemplating this for a few days, and that spurred because of this blog entry that Belle Vierge of Finding My Virginity blog pointed out to me.  If you don’t have time to check out the blog –  basically,  the blogger condones form letters. (There was a lot more to it than this..)   Belle posted a comment referring readers here,  and I had a back and forth with a gentleman regarding form letters.

Guys –  I will stick to this.. you will have better luck (at least quality-wise) if you reference something in the girl’s profile.   I get that not all girls give you stuff to work with, but there’s that quality thing again.

This is known – girls get a lot more messages than you guys do.  If she gets 20 messages daily that all say “Hey, how are you?”  she has to do a lot of work to determine if she wants to respond or not.   But I GUARANTEE you,  if you send a message that says “Hey [username]!   I read that you are actively involved in community theatre.  What was your favorite part to play?”  and she doesn’t respond… it’s not because of your message.

 

So – why don’t girls respond to your personalized messages, then?   There could be several reasons, including but not limited to:

 

– She doesn’t think you are attractive.  (Or your online dating photos are horrible. Seriously guys.. a lot of you post photos that make you look like pedophiles.)

– She only dates six foot two inch blonde guys with a six pack.

– Something in your profile is a deal-breaker for her.

-Maybe you don’t have much info on your profile.

– She’s in the beginning stages of dating someone else..  (or maybe not the beginning stages.)

– She online dates for an ego boost and nothing more.

– She’s not a real person.

– She meant to, but forgot.

– You have a dog and she’s allergic to dogs.

– You’re a democrat and she’s a republican.  (Or vice versa.)

– You wrote her a message at 3am, and normal people aren’t online sending messages at that time of night, so you are clearly weird.

– Something in your profile made you sound like a tool.

– Something that you couldn’t possibly know about is going on in her life and she just can’t be bothered with meeting new people, dating, or responding to anyone on the internet.  (Like what?   Family emergencies, work drama, her cat died..)

 

I could go on and on forever.  But it’s NOT because you asked her a basic question about one of her interests.

I know it’s frustrating.. I send out messages to guys I find attractive and don’t get responses, probably because I’m not a size 0.  But wouldn’t you rather be someone who stands out than the “norm”?

Did You Just Call Me Fat?

18 May

This has been weighing (no pun intended) on my mind the past few days.. so I figured I best get it out there.   This one, in particular, is for my female readers.

I had #31 and his roommate over the other day for some grilling and a bonfire.  When I asked him if he was going to be bringing the meat, he replied with “a big slab, naturally.”   Overall, good times were had.

But – while grilling, #31 said to me, “This is kind of awkward, and I never know how to bring this stuff up..”  I raised my eyebrow, and he continued, “You’ve lost some weight.”  Indeed, I have been shedding a few pounds by watching what I eat, and working out.. so I responded a “Heck yeah!” and we high-fived.. and I then proceed to ask why that was awkward to bring up.

Both #31 and his roommate said that girls get offended when they have mentioned weight loss before.   I understood what they meant right away by playfully saying “OMG, are you trying to say I used to be FAT?!”  .. because I KNOW that’s what girls say.

Ladies –  What is wrong with you (us)?  If a guy has noticed you have lost weight, say THANK YOU..  It’s a compliment.  I am going to speak on behalf of the guys (and Guys: If I am wrong, feel free to comment..)  and tell you that this means you look good, and your hard work is paying off (if you are attempting to lose weight).  It does not mean “Wow, I used to think you looked like a cow.”

I understand that if you haven’t been trying to lose weight, or haven’t lost weight, and someone tells you this that it kind of throws you for a loop.  Can we not read into it, though, and give people the benefit of the doubt?   People are going to stop complimenting if they get attacked when they do so..  so take a deep breath, eat some chocolate and drink some wine.

Oooh… chocolate and wine…  Gotta go!

Observations

13 May

It was The Intern’s birthday yesterday and after dinner, we went out to the local restaurant that turns into a hoppin’ nightclub after dark on weekends.  Being that I was sober the entire evening,  I have some observations about how things go when people go out dancing, and some advice to go along with it.

Firstly, gentlemen..  there is a time when it is okay to dance with a girl (a.k.a. go up behind her and start grinding) without asking and a time when it is not:  It IS okay if you have made eye contact with this girl more than once, and there was a smiling interaction.   It MIGHT be okay if your friend is dancing with this girl, and she knows you are friends with him.  It is NOT okay in any other scenario.

Secondly, ladies..  And I know this is difficult..  If a guy (ESPECIALLY a painfully nerdy guy) politely asks you to dance, after seemingly creeping your group of girls for awhile,  don’t turn him down.  You don’t have to go home with him.  [Some] Guys struggle so much with working up the courage to do this,  and rejection stings.  (Just think about when you text a guy and get ignored..)  Someday, some girl is going to think he is gorgeous, and because you wouldn’t dance for 3 minutes, he may not ask her to dance.  JUST DO IT.  If he’s asking in the first place, he is going to be respectful.

Thirdly, douchebags who don’t follow my steps on item one.. If you start grinding behind a girl who you cannot see, your friends give you the thumbs up, proceed to laugh and take videos of you with said girl, and then leave you alone to dance with her the entire night — you need new friends.   If then this girl/woman’s daughters (who are of legal drinking age at minimum) are wigged out and try to get you to go away, and you don’t – you’re a creeposaur.  Additionally –  No one wants to see you groping anyone’s boobs, nevermind the 55+ year old woman you are dancing with.

Lastly,  being sober at a dance club kind of sucks, because you notice all this shit.

What I HATE About Online Dating

3 May

Obviously there are several things I hate about online dating.. but overall, I think online dating is a pretty good concept.  Allow me to share with you what I dislike most about the entire process, though:

You go on your OKCupid date, and you either have a nice time or you don’t.  When you get home…  for some stupid reason (and I will tell you the female reason..)  you log onto OKCupid.

Girls log on to OKCupid because they either don’t see relationship potential, OR to see if the guy has logged on to OKCupid, because we read into shit like that.   (If a male would like to enlighten- by all means..)   If the guy is “Online Now!”  or has been since the date –  we will automatically assume he is not interested.

Let’s set some ground rules.

1)  After a successful OKCupid date,  you should NOT log back on to OKCupid unless you absolutely have no other way to contact the person.  (And if you don’t have another way to contact the person… Why don’t you have another way to contact the person!?)

2)  If your OKCupid date was not successful,  can we just tell the other person?  Part B to that is if someone tells you that they aren’t interested:  RESPECT THAT.

But — that’s wishful thinking, eh?

So, my friends —  what do you do after a successful OKC date?  Why do you log on?  What do you do if you see the other person is logged on?  Leave me a note so I can get this figured out!!

An Update- FINALLY!

2 May

I am so sorry that I have fallen off the planet for awhile.  I won’t go into details, other than my absence was not boy-related (sadly).   But – things will start swinging upward and we can get back to our regularly scheduled blog posts — and by “regularly scheduled” I mean whenever I feel like it..  but more often.

Sadly this is not an online dating blog post.. but –  it still made me laugh, and for those of you who are just not sure how the male mind works yet.. maybe this will help.

I was checking out Facebook this morning when I saw a very long update from Velvet.  (You know,  BFF who was online dating with me until she got herself a boyfriend.)    Her status update, in a nutshell, said that she needed to sleep, but was distracted by thinking about this, this, that, this, that, this, this, etc.  (It’s a female curse, I tell you!)

The following is the comments on said Facebook status:

MR. Velvet:   I told you meth was a bad idea.   (This was a joke, just so those of you who don’t personally know her take it the wrong way.)

Velvet:  Meth??? I thought I was supposed to avoid MATH!? Stupid high school guidance counselors and their tricky wordplay…   (She’s a geek.. but this shouldn’t be anything new.)

MR. Velvet:  Math=good. Meth=no teeth.

MR. Velvet:  …so also good.

 

This interaction just made me laugh and I felt it was worthy to share with you.  Hope you all are having a swell week!

Should I Post a Shirtless Pic on my Online Dating Profile?

7 Mar

I have been asked several times, “CatLady,  is it a good idea to post a shirtless photo of myself on my online dating profile?”

Let me spell it out for you:  NO!

Men of the internet,  you will never win by posting a shirtless photo of yourself..  ESPECIALLY if it was taken in the bathroom.

Let’s dig deeper..

If you are a male,  it is safe to say you are either toned/ripped, or you are not.

If you work out and have something to show, once again – especially if it is a bathroom self portrait – you appear absolutely full of yourself.   I can imagine the pep talk you give yourself in the mirror every morning.  You are probably super high maintenance, and I already don’t think I can deal with you.

Let’s say you are probably average, aren’t sporting a tan and keep your six pack in the cooler.. You, my friend, are going to be mocked.

“But what if I am on the beach?”   I still think posting any sort of shirtless photo of yourself seems tool-ish, but it’s not as bad as the shirtless bathroom photo.  I will probably mock you if you are pasty on the beach, or sporting a farmer tan.  (Believe me, I’ve seen it!)

Let me counter it with this –  you probably don’t want to see every female on OKCupid in a bikini, right?   Fact of life:  Some female body types just look better in a tasteful one-piece suit.

Save your manly chest for a private viewing..  She’ll let you know if she’s dying to see it.

What Time Is It?

20 Feb

I don’t know about the rest of you – but lately the men of the online meat market have decided that anytime between midnight and 3am is an acceptable time to be sending me a message.

These messages are nothing exciting, just basic form letters for the most part.  So, why am I telling you this?    I am telling you this because if you are one of my male readers, I would like to think you come here as a “What not to do” guide to online dating.

DO NOT SEND A FIRST MESSAGE TO SOMEONE BETWEEN THE HOURS OF MIDNIGHT AND FIVE AM!!

Are there exceptions?  Yes.  Pretty much the only one being if you work a night shift, and you put that in your message.   But otherwise, don’t do it.

Personally, I have the OKCupid app on my phone, and my phone makes a noise when you send me your fan mail.   This wakes me up, and unless you and I have been messaging back and forth, or your message is brilliant, it pisses me off.   If you are a respectable human being,  you shouldn’t be sending a message that late/early.   Save her to your favorites, and message her in the morning.   This will make it seem like you aren’t just looking for a piece of ass.

And, per the usual,  ditch the form letter.

Already Gotten Weird

13 Jan

My POF profile has a hidden nugget in there that says something along the lines of “Your message should engage me if you want a response.”    And quite honestly, I haven’t been on that site in months.  (You ALL know how I feel about POF.)   But, my phone alerted me yesterday, while I was out shopping, that I had a message on there.

“Hi. How are you? What’s up? =oP

So, I’m confused by your comment about art. Are you saying you’re an artist, but not the brooding, anti social stereotype peope tend to think of?”

(I also mention being an artist, but not a “dark” one..  More cheery..)  Now, being that I hadn’t been on POF in forever, and was out – I responded a quick “Yes.”  to this guy.   I then went to his profile and saw that he is definitely out of my age range currently.  (12 years older..)  and he probably wouldn’t have been someone I would have messaged back had I read his profile first..  but-  it was done.

“So, you make comments about engaging in conversation, but send a one word reply? Gawd.”

Haha – he did call me out there.

“Lol… Engaging questions require more than a yes or no answer.  I am also out and on my phone and would forget to reply otherwise.. and like you said.. pof is a joke.”

(I referenced his profile in POF being a joke – that is something we have in common.)

“Even a yes or no question can be elaborated on. You could have said something like “Yep. That’s what I mean. What about you? What kind of art do you do? I like to paint” and so on. You can’t expect someone to be able to carry a conversation with you when you only say one thing and wait for someone to prod you for a reply. I’d rather prod you in other ways.”

Once again – I want to point out that I wasn’t on my A game, because I was not at home, and busy doing other things.

“Well I tend to think when it comes to online its not my job to start the conversation or elaborate. And, once again, not being home and using my phone instead makes it a challenge.”

Now – if you’ve read me for awhile, you know what I meant by the above response.   If I seek the person out – I should be the one building the conversation, I should not expect the guy to do the work.   In this instance,  he found me and sent me a message with a “yes or no” question – and expected me to have a huge response.    He has the right idea down, because he told me what I should have said back..  but he should have been the one to ask those particular questions.

“What kind of thinking is that? Well, good luck. This has gotten weird already.”

I didn’t respond because I can’t get myself to care.   Maybe he’ll see the blog.  And he also said he wanted to “prod me in other ways” which… ugh.

So once again, the lesson here is – don’t make the person you are messaging do the work for you..  Had he have sent to me what he told me I should have sent back – this conversation would have been way different.

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