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What About 10 Years From Now?!

1 Oct

This is something I have been thinking about quite a bit, and felt the need to “vocalize”, if you will.

For those of you that are new to my blog, it’s probably best to dig through the files a little bit, so you understand what I mean when I say we are losing the ability to communicate with one another.   Spelling, grammar and proper manners have gone out the window.   And nevermind trying to meet someone in real life.

I blame technology.  What we once had to work for (meeting people,  finding information) is now a click away.

And here’s what scares the crap out of me:   The offenders I blog about did not grow up with this technology.   I was on the internet when I was 9, and it was dial-up that was limited to a half hour a week.  None of my friends knew what he internet even was.  The internet didn’t really “explode” until about 5 years later.  (Not to mention texting.  Texting really has only been “a thing” for about 5 years now… give or take.)

Now – kids get cell phones at the age of 8, and they have been thrown on the internet since they were 2.   If the “adults” of the world, who have been on the technology train for a maximum of about 13 years,  currently can’t figure out how to behave online, or interact in public without a phone glued to their face –  How on earth is the next generation going to?!

Parents of the world – what the hell are you doing giving your kid a cell phone?  That is so unnecessary.  So you can “reach them at all times”?   Your parents knew where you were most of the time, and you allegedly turned out all right.   Kids with cell phones, especially those that were given them at a young age, will not have good manners without a strong parental influence.   I have interacted with some of these –  mid conversation, their nose is in their phone, responding to texts.   Even adults do this.  It’s so rude!

I could go on and on about this forever..  I won’t.  Just know that I think we all need to step it up a notch and save the human race.

 

Why Girls Don’t Make the First Move

19 Sep

Before reading, you must be sure you are familiar with Super Hot POF Guy.

Despite what I had thought originally,  Super Hot POF Guy’s insanely attractive good looks did not bring out the extra awkward in me.   The first time we met for drinks, I was slightly guarded, since meeting people off the internet is scary sometimes.  But, the 2nd time (a month later) was fine –  I got to look at his gorgeous face, and we conversed very easily about a wide variety of topics. (Which oddly enough, included silk bed sheets…  so I feel like there was flirtation involved.)  But-  nothing happened..

So, another month later, when I was invited to a baseball game with two other couples.. I decided I really had nothing to lose by asking Super Hot POF Guy to accompany me.   The phone call itself was nerve-wracking,  and I spoke fast and I know I also said, “This doesn’t have to be a date.”   (Guys:  If a girl seems awkward asking.. even if she says it’s not a date:  It’s a date.)  Super Hot POF Guy agreed to go.  Yes!  Now at very least, I had a good reason to get my picture taken with him!   (I also want to throw out there that there wasn’t silence in between meeting him and calling him..  just so I don’t look like a huge freak.)

Remember a long time ago when I told you that girls plan out everything?  True to form, I came up with a brilliant plan.

We got to the game, found our group, took our photo and settled in.  “Oh,  just a warning, Super Hot POF Guy..  if that kiss cam points in our direction, I WILL be attacking your face.”   I figured saying something as such would a) give me permission to attack his face if the kiss cam made an appearance, or at very least b) give him an open invitation.    What I had failed to consider was this response:  “My girlfriend might have a problem with that.”  

Well, geez.. THAT wasn’t uncomfortable AT ALL.

You will be pleased to know that the kiss cam, luckily, did not point in our direction.   But the rest of the game certainly got a little awkward, as well as the walk back to the car, and the ride home.

…And that’s why it will be awhile before I will grow another set of balls and make the first move again.

 

***After a few Twitter comments, I feel the need to clarify:  I don’t think Super Hot POF Guy is a douche-bag.  I think it’s commendable that he put a stop to anything happening…  AND – I did tell him it wasn’t a date…  I think it’s just more hilarious that I always tend to get myself in awkward situations.

What a Stupid Question.

11 Sep

I promise you all that I am way hotter in your head than I am in real life.

“Hey does it turn you on knowing I’d love to get you naked?”

Honestly, guys..  there is no reason to ask this question.   The answer is “No.”    Unless you are Ryan Reynolds,  Adam Levine, or someone insanely attractive and famous.   ​  Random stranger on the internet, you are one of many who would love to get me (and any other female internet dating) naked.   You’re wired to want to put your stick in to just about everything… something of which I personally will never understand.  In my defense, you will also probably never understand my quest for emotional attachment.  (I am not talking to ALL guys here.. I am talking about the ones who clearly want to have sex with anything with boobs.)

Once again, I will remind you all that OKCupid is not the avenue for this kind of stuff, as a general rule.    Try Adult Friend Finder.. Really, though, if you want to get in a girl’s pants.. you gotta woo her.  Try it sometime.

I Need Your Expertise

9 Sep

No funny message today, but figured since I tend to get a fair amount of comments, I could ask you all for your advice.

The problem is this:   When I go out on OKCupid dates, or what have you..  The date ends and I either like the person enough to at least go out again, or I have no interest what-so-ever.   Sometimes I fall in the middle, but I’m not asking about those times.

And this is what happens almost no-fail, everytime:     CatLady had a nice time and would be interested in going out again..   Date either falls off the planet or lets her know he isn’t interested.    OR:   CatLady really isn’t interested, and Date is pretty much in love with CatLady and won’t leave her alone.   (For the record, if I am kind-of “Not sure, I could take it or leave it..”,  I generally hear from the person again.)

I very rarely get passed the “first date.”

I guess my question is.. How does a female indicate she had a nice time, and is interested in hanging out again, without being the one to have to make “the move” – and without being overly invested?  (Hey, I get it – sometimes he’s just not interested..)   I also want to clarify, when I AM interested in seeing the person again, I don’t think I am psycho about it..  Maybe I’m too nonchalant?

Tips.. Advice.. Anything… GO!

[What Should Be] Common Sense Rules

2 Sep

After conversing with some friends – I decided I should post a list of what I would assume to be common sense.. but apparently is not.    These have come about because they have actually happened to either myself, or friends.

1)  Don’t tell a female you are not attracted to her, and then get angry when someone else finds her attractive.

2) Don’t show up at your ex-girlfriends house and announce that you are there to hide from another ex-girlfriend.

3) Don’t spend any length of time on a first date explaining how you just filed divorced papers and that your spouse is pissed about it.

3b) Or.. how about don’t go on a first date on the day you file divorce papers.

4) Don’t dump your girlfriend to “try out” the same sex, and then never actually try out the same sex.

5)  Don’t make plans with someone, then completely ignore them when they are attempting to finalize the plans.  Cancel like a decent human being.  (In the words of Velvet – “Everyone has a grandma that has died 700 times.”)

6) Keep your goofy shit to yourself on the first date – i.e nose licking and meowing.

7) If the girl doesn’t order another drink and starts to look at her watch,  that is not your cue to order another drink.  She’s leaving.

8)  After 93 messages back and forth,  you either need to ask her out, or fall off the planet..  Either way,  make a decision.

9) On a first date, it’s probably not a good idea to bash in a political side when you have no idea what side of the political spectrum your date is on..  cause as luck would have it – it’s most likely opposite to yours and you look like a tool.

10) When you refer to someone as “your date” multiple times, and they correct you every single time — It is NOT a date.   Additionally,  don’t throw a passive-aggressive tantrum the next day on Facebook.

 

Let’s keep this list going!  I want to hear yours!

 

Don’t Answer That!

3 Aug

Even though my blog is mainly about first online dating messages that should have never been sent in the first place,  I have yet another.  (I know, you’re shocked, right?)

“I’m a strong man for u…u live alone?”

Woah woah woah..   Guys – don’t ask a female you don’t know if she lives alone.  That is creepy.. and Ladies,  I feel it goes without saying.. but don’t answer that question!   I hope I get some male reader feedback supporting my viewpoint on this.

There is no reason in the world why someone would need to know your living arrangement unless they know you.   Let’s say I live alone.. then what?  Would you also like to know where I keep my spare key?    Would me having a body-builder roommate stop you from messaging me?

Believe me, you are not coming over to my place.   If we are to meet at all, it will be in a very public venue, and several people I know will know where we are.. and perhaps may be there too.

I just don’t see why this information would be pertinent, unless someone were planning on robbing and/or raping me.

Even If He’s a Doctor..

17 Jul

My poor friend, Velvet, is back on the online dating scene after being MIA from it for a good year and a half.   Your legs get a little wobbly the first time you are attempting online dating, or when jumping back in.

Here’s the deal – you need to set ground rules for yourself.. and you need to stick with those… EVEN if the man is a doctor.   I know you’d do your mother proud if you brought home a doctor,  but remember.. this doctor is online dating.  

So, Velvet had a few messages back and forth with the doctor.  She described his profile as funny and sweet, and it helped that he was cute.  (Also.. side note: Everyone should learn how to reverse search photos to make sure you aren’t being lied to online.)    Pretty quickly, the doctor asked for Velvet’s cell phone number, and another photo (as she currently only has one.)

Velvet didn’t stick to her online dating rule of not sending out pictures upon quick request, and likewise with her phone number.   He was a cute doctor.  (And let’s be honest.. let’s say Patrick Dempsey was REALLY a doctor, and wanted my number,  you can bet your ass I’d give it to him.  Mmm… I love me some Patrick Dempsey.)

Luckily for Velvet,  the photo she sent turned cute doctor into a pig immediately, and he responded “Sexxxxxxy bod”.

Eventually, comments such as that are acceptable..  after you’ve known a person for awhile.   Not within an hour of chatting with someone online.    Don’t break your rules.. if the cute doctor is worth it, he’ll play by the rules.

A Very Serious Rant

14 Jul

When I rant about messages I post,  I am actually laughing.  I post them for the world to see, because they are hilarious.   Not much do I actually find offensive.   For crying out loud, I am trying to find romance on the internet.. I honestly don’t expect much.

Today’s blog entry, however, is a different story.   Way too often am I seeing things like this when doing voting on reported messages on OKCupid..  and it’s 100% NOT okay.

The following messages are all from the same user, a day or so apart:

“hi. ur GORGEOUS!! id love to see more”

“Id do anything”    (except read a profile that says if you want a response, to talk about (fill in the blank).. but, that doesn’t count, right?)

“:(“

“ur all i can thing about. but i understand… i’ll go. might as well end my life :(“

The last message, particularly the last sentence, way beyond crosses a line.  In no circumstance is it EVER okay to message someone something like that in an online dating message.  EVER.

Suicide is absolutely nothing to joke about, and I do believe in the message above it was not a serious statement.  It is also not something that should be used to guilt a stranger on the internet into talking to you.  What if the person on the receiving end of that has had someone close to them take their own life?

I have not, thankfully, experienced suicide of a close friend or family member.  I hope I never have to.   But, sadly, I know several people who have, and it is devastating.   Joking about it, or blaming someone for it is never okay.

All that being said,  if someone not responding to you online actually gives you suicidal thoughts, I strongly encourage you call a help line or talk to someone close to you.. or to someone who has lost a loved one to suicide.  There’s help out there..  and sometimes you just have to remember that there is going to be a beautiful sunrise or sunset, or SOMETHING, that you know you are going to be glad you didn’t miss.

Stay real, everyone.  =)

A Lesson in Complimenting Girls

4 Jun

For those of you who don’t follow me on Twitter….  Why don’t you follow me on Twitter?!  Get on that: @Soon2BeCatLady

Okay – oops.. For those of you who don’t follow me on Twitter – you missed my live tweeting of a conversation I was having on OKCupid.     May this be a lesson to all of you in how NOT to “compliment” girls:

“Hello!  Are you replacing your siding in june or procrastinating that?”    (For the record:  my page lists that I am replacing the siding on my house..  Basically,  I am looking for all the free assistance I can.)

“Weather permitting next weekend.”

“great!  Are the pictures that you posted old ones?”

“Why would you ask something like that?”

“hard to believe that you are [your age] from those pictures.  and i dont think you have a used up body“

“Well, thank you.  I moreso put that to be funny.”

“oh, i didn’t get the humor then”

“Apparently listing “curvy” means overweight”

“you look chubby not overweight to me”

Okay – hold the phone for a minute.   WHAT!?   Duuuuude.. I am actually talking to you.   This is probably a rare moment for you..  Why would you say something like that.   Guys:  Even if it were true.. being called “chubby” is not a compliment, unless you are 6 months old.

“Wow. That is not a compliment.”

“being honest”   (After having a chance to cool down a bit – I am sure he does think I am chubby.. because according to his pictures, he is a toothpick.   Just about every girl on the planet is probably chubby to him.  Also – he has only been in the United States for a year, and he does come from a country that downgrades women..)

“May I ask about your job?”

“No.”

“May ask about your hobbies?”

“No.”

“may i shut up and close the chat?”

“Yes.”

“anyway by chubby i meant it in a positive way not otherwise, sorry if hurt your feelings”

…

“chubby 563 up, 314 down girl: not fat or skinny, most likely to be toned but with just some extra curves, can most times be cute.”

“urban dictionary meaning of chubby”

Okay – did he really urban dictionary “chubby” to attempt to back pedal!?

“Good luck with your life! bye”

Once You Realize This, You’re Golden.

14 May

Today’s post in not about online dating – but a small tidbit of information that I grasped onto years ago that I realize more and more people just don’t understand.   This will help you in life wherever you go.   Behold –  The Differences in Men and Women:

Okay – first..  GUYS:  

You know how some of you know that when a girl says “It’s fine.” things are really not fine?   You have no idea how much deeper than that it goes.   Girls  (it’s present in all of us.. some of us it just doesn’t rank dominant..)  almost always have hidden agendas.   Everything is a game with us, especially when it is involved.   We plan out our conversations with you ahead of time, and know exactly what we are going to say when you say “____.” or “____.”   (Which is funny, because you NEVER say any of the things we planned  ….and it throws us off.)

We converse with our girlfriends about what your text message means.   We converse about what to respond back, how soon should we respond back, etc.   I recently heard a woman say something along the lines of, “Well, since he isn’t rushing to give me an answer, I am just going to tell him that I made other plans and make him feel bad.. Then next time he won’t wait around.”    Bitchy?  Yes.   Absolutely.    Will it work?   No.   Does the guy realize that she is agonizing over a lack of prompt response?  No.

Guys –  you need to understand the above and realize that you may need to dig in a little deeper.   I have said before several times, and I stick to it:  ALL GIRLS ARE BATSHIT CRAZY.    We all have different levels of it.  You need to find a level you can deal with.    I know you guys take what us girls say (for the most part) as face value.  Don’t.  You need to read into stuff a bit more.   (When you don’t,  you know how you get scolded “When I said ‘this’ you should have known I was mad!”)

 

Alright – LADIES:

You know when a guy says he doesn’t want to go out because he’s too tired?   We think “OMG – he is mad at me.”   or “OMG – he wants me to go out so he can have another girl over!”     We do this because we know if one of our girlfriends says the same thing to us – it probably means she’s mad at us.   You want to know what that text message means from a guy?   It means:  “I don’t want to go out.  I’m too tired.”

Guys don’t play the stupid games we do, unless we force them into it (which is rare, and the relationship ends rather quickly in that event.)   Guys should be read at face value.    What you see is what you get.   Really,  it’s that simple.  I PROMISE.

They read us at face value..  They don’t read into how long it took you to respond to their text like we do.  They don’t care if it’s 5 minutes, or 2 hours.  They aren’t worried about it.

 

Bottom line:

Girls –  take what the guys say at face value.  (And maybe do yourself a favor and understand he takes you at face value.)

Guys –  start reading into things a bit.

*

I don’t want to say I am exempt from this, because I am not, and knowing this will not make you exempt from it.   I catch myself reading into stuff, or playing those games and I bring it back in.   I no longer play the “You should know why I am mad” game, because I know he doesn’t know why I am mad..  so I tell him.

It makes life so much easier.

 

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