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That’s… Uncomfortable.

21 Jun

So, after blogging about the cheesy one-liners I received on Zoosk,  I did add a photo.  I broke some Zoosk rules and uploaded a picture of cats, even though I was supposed to only post a photo of myself.

However.. the result was interesting –  0 Messages..  that is, until 12 hours later when someone reported my photo, it was removed, and I went back to receiving messages every 5 minutes.

One of these messages was from a 69 year old man…

“I’m not a photographer, but I can picture us together.”

Great..  However, the message is not the part that concerns me.   Gramps has photos.  He is DEFINITELY 69 years old, complete with breathing tubes.  I’m not saying he’s too old for love – but, he really ought to find someone closer to his own age.

I am not 100% confident in why I am uncomfortable with this..  but I believe it’s either because this guy is who he says and shows he is – and it makes me uncomfortable that he is spending his remaining days sending cheesy letters to faceless girls on the internet.    Or, because someone is pretending to be an old man in rough shape, and that’s just gross.

Either way, I have a feeling that no one ever grows up.. and that makes me sad.

Zoosk – the New Meat Market?

20 Jun

I signed up for Zoosk, because it’s free, and what the hell?  I didn’t have a chance to do anything with it yet, not even so much as upload a picture – and I have TEN messages.  TEN!

“If I sound drunk, it’s because you’ve intoxicated me.”  — I’ve probably served him alcohol before.. he could tell it was me by my username.

“Me gustaría ser una cremallera de ADN para desabrochar tus genes.”  — Which Google Translator says means “I would be a DNA zipper to unzip your genes.”    If someone who speaks Spanish can translate better, please do.   But, regardless..  classy.

“Is your name Internet? Because you’ve got everything I’ve ever searched for.”  — Batshit Crazy must be his favorite search term.  hehehe!

“I lost my phone number. Can I borrow yours?”  — Sure, Google Voice for the win!

“I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away!”  — He may want to try his inhaler first.

“I think you’re cute!”  — Well goodness, I’m adorable.. but how does he know?

 

I am now a little reluctant to actually put a picture up.  Good grief.

Plenty of Fish Makeover

16 Jun

I hadn’t logged onto The Meat Market (a.k.a Plenty of Fish dot com) in FOREVER.  As long time readers know, and newer readers can probably gather from my pet name for it – I found it to be a disgusting website overall.   Any time anyone has told me they met their significant other on POF,  I wanted to throw up.

After my long absence,  I found only ONE missed message.   This message happened to be from the owner/founder of POF.   I will post the message below, but perhaps POF is getting better?

“My name is Markus and I created POF/Plentyoffish. When I created POF, I wanted it to be all about finding relationships with the right person. For the first 7 years this worked really well, I got the site to 10 million users without any employees people and POF was generating a ton of relationships. Around 3 years ago, everyone started using the website via mobile phones. Today about 70% of POF use is via a mobile phone and unfortunately about 2% of men started to use POF as more of a hookup site mostly due the the casual nature of cell phone use.

In sticking with my vision that POF is all about Relationships, I’m going to make a bunch of changes to ensure it stays a relationship-focused site.

1. Any first contact between users that contains sexual references will not be sent. Anyone who tries to get around this rule will be deleted without warning. This rule has actually been in effect since last month and it’s made the site so much better.

2. You can only contact people +/- 14 years of your age. There is no reason for a 50 year old man to contact a 18 year old women. The majority of messages sent outside those age ranges are all about hookups. Anyone who tries to get around this rule will get deleted.

3. Intimate Encounters will go away in the next few months. There are 3.3 Million people who use the site every day, of those there are only 6,041 single women looking for Intimate Encounters. Of those 6,041 women, the ones with hot pictures are mostly men pretending to be women. Intimate Encounters on POF can be summed up as a bunch of horny men talking to a bunch of horny men pretending to be women.

In short the vast majority of people will not be impacted. This is because the vast majority of people are not going around spamming women saying “let’s have sex tonight”. I can’t change POF alone, I need your help to get the word out there that POF is all about relationships!

Markus”

It does make me laugh that he addresses that most of their “intimate encounter” page was guys talking to guys.   Karma, people.. KARMA.

Anyway-  based on this information,  I shall try it out again.   I will definitely report my findings.

Get Offline and Fast!

11 Jun

I never really knew until just recently how far people take lying when it comes to being online.   Sure, I knew people would troll, or have fake pictures, or even pretend to be someone they are not.. but the lengths some people go for this are absolutely incredible.

This right here (trust me.. read it.)..  is more proof in the pudding that you need to get a short online feel for who someone is, and then get your ass to a coffee shop and meet them in person.  And if they don’t show?  They’re out.  (Of course there are exceptions.. but, it better be a good excuse, and it better not happen again.)

Wow.. just wow.

10-Minute Meltdown

30 May

#31 has a friend who got to witness a 10-minute meltdown via OKCupid, and gave me permission to share.    I don’t know anything other than the messages that were received –  my assumption would be she wasn’t checking her messages every 30 seconds.

That being said, friends..  If you don’t have an ounce of patience in you, online dating is not for you.

7:57PM

“Hey 🙂

I think it’s cool you’re in publishing.  Do you ever think about using people for editing?  You could send me your book and I could look it over, we could get a bottle of wine and talk about how genius it is.  Or beer, since you seem to know your beers.  I know that’s a little forward, but you seem like the kind of girl who doesn’t take any bullshit.”

 

8:03PM – yes.. same day.

“Well you’re online but I guess you aren’t interested.  That’s fine.  But you know, you say you like young adult books and I’m just wondering, don’t you think that’s kind of immature?  You have this aura like you have your shit together but you read books meant for kids.  What if you tried reading books by adults?  If you obsess about being like a teenager all the time, you’ll never grow up.”

 

8:07PM – yes, just 4 short minutes later..

“You’re not even hot, and I was being nice to you.  Females like you have such high standards when you obviously don’t apply them to yourself.  You think you deserve men with a 6-pack and strong jaw, but you’re obviously happy being a tub of lard.  Fine.  Whatever.”

 

I particularly enjoy that he immediately decides she’s a girl who doesn’t put up with bullshit, and then proceeds to message her bullshit.

Guys, don’t be this guy..  He’s clearly desperate and pathetic.  Take a deep breath.

 

 

Why Girls Don’t Respond to Your Online Dating Messages

27 May

I’ve been contemplating this for a few days, and that spurred because of this blog entry that Belle Vierge of Finding My Virginity blog pointed out to me.  If you don’t have time to check out the blog –  basically,  the blogger condones form letters. (There was a lot more to it than this..)   Belle posted a comment referring readers here,  and I had a back and forth with a gentleman regarding form letters.

Guys –  I will stick to this.. you will have better luck (at least quality-wise) if you reference something in the girl’s profile.   I get that not all girls give you stuff to work with, but there’s that quality thing again.

This is known – girls get a lot more messages than you guys do.  If she gets 20 messages daily that all say “Hey, how are you?”  she has to do a lot of work to determine if she wants to respond or not.   But I GUARANTEE you,  if you send a message that says “Hey [username]!   I read that you are actively involved in community theatre.  What was your favorite part to play?”  and she doesn’t respond… it’s not because of your message.

 

So – why don’t girls respond to your personalized messages, then?   There could be several reasons, including but not limited to:

 

– She doesn’t think you are attractive.  (Or your online dating photos are horrible. Seriously guys.. a lot of you post photos that make you look like pedophiles.)

– She only dates six foot two inch blonde guys with a six pack.

– Something in your profile is a deal-breaker for her.

-Maybe you don’t have much info on your profile.

– She’s in the beginning stages of dating someone else..  (or maybe not the beginning stages.)

– She online dates for an ego boost and nothing more.

– She’s not a real person.

– She meant to, but forgot.

– You have a dog and she’s allergic to dogs.

– You’re a democrat and she’s a republican.  (Or vice versa.)

– You wrote her a message at 3am, and normal people aren’t online sending messages at that time of night, so you are clearly weird.

– Something in your profile made you sound like a tool.

– Something that you couldn’t possibly know about is going on in her life and she just can’t be bothered with meeting new people, dating, or responding to anyone on the internet.  (Like what?   Family emergencies, work drama, her cat died..)

 

I could go on and on forever.  But it’s NOT because you asked her a basic question about one of her interests.

I know it’s frustrating.. I send out messages to guys I find attractive and don’t get responses, probably because I’m not a size 0.  But wouldn’t you rather be someone who stands out than the “norm”?

Did You Just Call Me Fat?

18 May

This has been weighing (no pun intended) on my mind the past few days.. so I figured I best get it out there.   This one, in particular, is for my female readers.

I had #31 and his roommate over the other day for some grilling and a bonfire.  When I asked him if he was going to be bringing the meat, he replied with “a big slab, naturally.”   Overall, good times were had.

But – while grilling, #31 said to me, “This is kind of awkward, and I never know how to bring this stuff up..”  I raised my eyebrow, and he continued, “You’ve lost some weight.”  Indeed, I have been shedding a few pounds by watching what I eat, and working out.. so I responded a “Heck yeah!” and we high-fived.. and I then proceed to ask why that was awkward to bring up.

Both #31 and his roommate said that girls get offended when they have mentioned weight loss before.   I understood what they meant right away by playfully saying “OMG, are you trying to say I used to be FAT?!”  .. because I KNOW that’s what girls say.

Ladies –  What is wrong with you (us)?  If a guy has noticed you have lost weight, say THANK YOU..  It’s a compliment.  I am going to speak on behalf of the guys (and Guys: If I am wrong, feel free to comment..)  and tell you that this means you look good, and your hard work is paying off (if you are attempting to lose weight).  It does not mean “Wow, I used to think you looked like a cow.”

I understand that if you haven’t been trying to lose weight, or haven’t lost weight, and someone tells you this that it kind of throws you for a loop.  Can we not read into it, though, and give people the benefit of the doubt?   People are going to stop complimenting if they get attacked when they do so..  so take a deep breath, eat some chocolate and drink some wine.

Oooh… chocolate and wine…  Gotta go!

OKCupid’s Maximum Standards

16 May

Anything to prompt a response..

“Hello, I deeply regret that it is my unfortunate duty to bring it to your attention that you are above and beyond our maximum standards for looks. You are easily a 9/10, and here on OkCupid we only allow a 6/10 maximum. Your account has been closed unless you reply to this message with your name, phone number, your favorite flower, how many cheetos you can fit in your mouth at once..(just curious)..and if you prefer Chinese or Italian cuisine. This is very serious business and I would advise you to not take my message lightly, or you might anger my boss Poseidon, the Lord of Seas. Thanks”

If you get this message, DON”T FALL FOR IT!!  OKCupid would never close your account for being so foxy.

 

What I HATE About Online Dating

3 May

Obviously there are several things I hate about online dating.. but overall, I think online dating is a pretty good concept.  Allow me to share with you what I dislike most about the entire process, though:

You go on your OKCupid date, and you either have a nice time or you don’t.  When you get home…  for some stupid reason (and I will tell you the female reason..)  you log onto OKCupid.

Girls log on to OKCupid because they either don’t see relationship potential, OR to see if the guy has logged on to OKCupid, because we read into shit like that.   (If a male would like to enlighten- by all means..)   If the guy is “Online Now!”  or has been since the date –  we will automatically assume he is not interested.

Let’s set some ground rules.

1)  After a successful OKCupid date,  you should NOT log back on to OKCupid unless you absolutely have no other way to contact the person.  (And if you don’t have another way to contact the person… Why don’t you have another way to contact the person!?)

2)  If your OKCupid date was not successful,  can we just tell the other person?  Part B to that is if someone tells you that they aren’t interested:  RESPECT THAT.

But — that’s wishful thinking, eh?

So, my friends —  what do you do after a successful OKC date?  Why do you log on?  What do you do if you see the other person is logged on?  Leave me a note so I can get this figured out!!

An Update- FINALLY!

2 May

I am so sorry that I have fallen off the planet for awhile.  I won’t go into details, other than my absence was not boy-related (sadly).   But – things will start swinging upward and we can get back to our regularly scheduled blog posts — and by “regularly scheduled” I mean whenever I feel like it..  but more often.

Sadly this is not an online dating blog post.. but –  it still made me laugh, and for those of you who are just not sure how the male mind works yet.. maybe this will help.

I was checking out Facebook this morning when I saw a very long update from Velvet.  (You know,  BFF who was online dating with me until she got herself a boyfriend.)    Her status update, in a nutshell, said that she needed to sleep, but was distracted by thinking about this, this, that, this, that, this, this, etc.  (It’s a female curse, I tell you!)

The following is the comments on said Facebook status:

MR. Velvet:   I told you meth was a bad idea.   (This was a joke, just so those of you who don’t personally know her take it the wrong way.)

Velvet:  Meth??? I thought I was supposed to avoid MATH!? Stupid high school guidance counselors and their tricky wordplay…   (She’s a geek.. but this shouldn’t be anything new.)

MR. Velvet:  Math=good. Meth=no teeth.

MR. Velvet:  …so also good.

 

This interaction just made me laugh and I felt it was worthy to share with you.  Hope you all are having a swell week!

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